Along the coast side of Scotland lived a young lady. Fair in skin and red in hair this young lass felt lighter than air. Her morning ritual consisted of running her hand through the clear waters of the River Ness before her day began. Day in, and day out she would frolic about on the bank of the river. As the seasons turned over school had began and this little young lady had her heart in her hand. Oh how she would laugh and play at the age of eight. Each day she learned more and more about the world she lives with, that child demeanor began to fade. Despite all this however, she still goes to the river to make her pain diminish. The little young lady loved her school, yet school couldn’t love her less. Big bodied rugby and soccer players tease and tackle. Brunette cheerleaders causing new levels of fear. Yet, she still goes to her happy place. Down on that river bank. Hand in the water to pure her mind. Night dawned upon that poor little girl on a cold winter’s eve. School had gotten out for the holiday and all of the children were locked inside their homes getting nice and warm. All except that young lass with fair skin and red hair. An hour past twelve the house was dead silent. The young lass hopped out of her bed and creaked down the steps. Aging wood and hinges made every move a risk to alarm the sleeping household. Light from the moon above shimmered off the stunning silver key used to enter the household. With a pick in her hand, the young lass trucked through the snow. For a final time she would go down by that river bank. Water frozen in time chipped away bit by bit as the liquid became shown. Girl aged no more than eight with fair skin and fairer red hair plummets into the water without a care. To this day those who travel along the River Ness see the ghost of that young lass. Who came down by the river to play.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this was quite the rollercoaster of emotion there. From the start it seemed like an innocent enough tale about this young girl that is enjoying what appears to not be the easiest but still a fairly typical life there but that really cranks itself up to eleven as we go further and further to the end. Truly quite a haunting note to end on their. I have a bit of a soft spot for works where things are slowly lost across time so the idea of this young girl one day going back to her happy place and for that horrible accident to trap her forever there is an oddly bittersweet moment. In some sense it is comfort I suppose to the little girl to forever haunt the one place that brought her solace out of everywhere else in the world but to almost meet your end there is still a terrible fate.
Certainly a story that leaves you thinking here. I think you've done a great job really bringing to life the tale of this young girl and its a simple story but it does its job rather powerfully here. Especially those last few lines really resonate about the fate of this poor young girl. Really nicely done!
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
This is so good! I love all the wording, it reminds me of Anne of Green Gables! I like how much you use "lass" haha. Its also so sad..
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - There’s a little girl with red hair and fair skin who goes by the lake to collect her thoughts and have time to think. She goes there all the time, even as a ghost…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I’m a little confused at the part where you say that the girl isn’t home, but then there’s a part where she gets out of bed. If I’m reading this wrong, then please ignore this.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you described the girl as having a sense of innocence, right down to the very end. At first, I think that she’s alive, but in the end, it’s revealed that she’s a ghost. How else would she have maintained her innocence if it weren’t for the fact that she had died long ago? The girl and the lake…how poetic.
Closing Graham Cracker - The girl might be able to rest now that she no longer roams the Earth in her beaten-down skin, her ghost will linger for anyone who comes near the lake for solitude, just like she did many years ago, before her untimely death.
I wish you a gorgeous day/night! :>