A Promise

by VivielTwixt

  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

Published May 8, 2011

I gave him my life.
He gave me his.
It was a promise we made for then, now, and forever.
Here standing side-by-side nothing else matters.
Not our hectic past, muddled present, or hopeful future.

We live in our secret world.
One which we created.
One in which we draw up ambitions, build dreams, and crush dilemmas.
It’s our life but still our world.
Not since the countdown to Judgment Day began has a union ever been so strong.

Am I allowed to laugh?
Or should forbear lest I make Eve jealous?
How can I not smile
When with you, I can not imagine heaven?

Shoulder-to-shoulder, it is just us two against the world.
So what chance does it have?
I do feel sorry for it. We must be gentle.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
EtCetera
Review
EtCetera wrote a review Review · May 9, 2011

Gentle with the world is what is meant by the author, I believe. May want to consider changing that line up or maybe writing a little more to show what you actually mean. Otherwise, I have very few things that I have against this poem. Elegantly written, very nice word selection, and superb imagery. Keep it up!

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futrauthr482
Comment
futrauthr482 commented Comment · May 9, 2011

i agree last line ?

User avatar
shiney1
Review
shiney1 wrote a review Review · May 9, 2011

Hey there. I like the way this poem sounded. It flowed well, and the imagery isn't not bad either.


I gave him my life.
He gave me his.
It was a promise we made for then, now, and forever.
Here standing side-by-side nothing else matters.
Not our hectic past, muddled present, or hopeful future.

We live in our secret world.
One which we created.
One in which we draw up ambitions, build dreams, and crush dilemmas.
It’s our life but still our world. These first few lines reminded me of Inception :)
Not since the countdown to Judgment Day began has a union ever been so strong.

Am I allowed to laugh?
Or should forbear lest I make Eve jealous?
How can I not smile
When with you, I can not imagine heaven?

Shoulder-to-shoulder, it is just us two against the world.
So what chance does it have? like this part
I do feel sorry for it. We must be gentle.last sentence threw me off a bit.



Very nice work!



Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
— Apple Inc.