thanks guys!!!
I felt myself stranded from the inside
In the middle of nowhere, by which I can't decide
Afraid of being alone, I hide behind that shadow
Time after time it passes, courage begins the show
In the pursuit of physical perfection
I need the warmth of your touch, and a little attention
Sounds of voices are whispering into my mind
Guess that love can wait, other things are still to find
Everyday i wake up, smiles are all I sought
Nights that are shortened, pondered dreams are bought
The yearning will come, never say goodbye
For someday we'll see each other, together we'll fly
On frail wings of vanity and wax
At first it attracts, in the ends it strucks
Forever we'll be the whisper of the wind
Until we grow old, it will serve as a shield
Wow! I loved the last stanza. It was so perfectly poetic it astounds me. And I adore the title. It's creative and pleasantly unique.
Suggestions:
I felt myself stranded from the inside
In the middle of nowhere, by which I can't decide
Afraid of being alone, I hide behind #FF0000 ">that shadows #0040FF ">Either change 'shadows' to shadow, or change 'that to 'those'.
Time after time it #FF0000 ">pass, courage begins the show #0040FF ">'Pass' should be 'passes'.
Hy. I'm going to review this today.
General Idea
I like it. I like the message it transmits; even though I don't understand some parts , I bet that they have a specific purpose in the poem.
The only thing I think it is missing are the emotions. Nothing that caught my eye, nothing special felt by reading it.
But not all poems have to do that..
Nitpicks:
I hide behind that #FF0000 ">shadow
Time after time it #FF0000 ">passes
other things are still to #FF0000 ">be found
On #FF0000 ">frail wings of vanity and wax
120,212 Literary Works • 649,109 Reviews
Points: 1040
Reviews: 16
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