Published July 15, 2016
My ferret friends
are hoping to make amends
but it depends on whether the weather is hot and sweater
or if that's just the sweater we're in together
Ferret friends do not fret
if you are hurt go to the vet
and if your heart is filled with discontent
take into account you and your mate have not met--yet
Ferret fellows stay bright yellow
we play our cellos to stay in hues of blue
why are we sad I have no clue
nonetheless we will pull through
Ferret allies don't just standby
can't you hear their helpless outcry
shoot the bad guy hit em' bulls eye
split their forehead you opened the mind's eye
Ferret friends don't you see we need no praise
for those who do are are in a daze
and in that daze, they are trapped for days
'till they see rays through the haze
only then are we all okay
This was the Ferret Rap
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
130,210 Literary Works • 671,512 Reviews
Hey Kaos! I don't listen to rap or write it a whole lot, but we'll see how this goes.
You seem to have a pretty good flow and beat for the most part. Which is great, because rap is like, all about that from what I know- basically you're creating your own beat. Which I think is awesome. I really love the idea of rap! Jeez, now you're making me want to write it.
This didn't really work for me- the sweater part seemed kind of random- I mean I know it's a goofy rap, but still I kind of stopped on sweater and was kind of confused of how it connected to ferrets. Also the repetition of "sweater" I didn't feel did anything for the rap, really, and it kind of didn't feel like the right kind of repetition. I'm not sure why though. I don't know, just something to think about.
You're going to hate me for saying this, because it's so down to the grittiest of nitpicks... HOWEVER I feel that I stumbled over this line and it didn't really flow as well as it could, possibly because of all the "Ys". I'm not sure if that's it, just whenever I read it I get stuck on the "your" and then "mate".
I guess now we're onto the topic of your rap. Like I said, I get that this is goofy. Still, I wonder what inspired you? Is there something you're really trying to say here? Maybe you were making fun of raps? Maybe you just really feel ferrets are under-represented? XP I'm not trying to make fun of your story! I like it! Though something like a... purpose- even if it is supposed to be goofy - can really be good for a song/anything. What is the image you want stuck in our head when we're done reading this?
Anyway, that's all I've got. I hope you continue to write raps and things in general! ^_^ I did really like how this flowed and ran together nicely (which is my favourite thing about raps, to be honest). Also I thought you managed the rhyming quite nicely!
-Socks
I was making fun of raps, yeah
Thanks for the review! <3
Haha, cool ^_^ <3
Hey Dogs here to review!
I found this poem really cute and funny. I liked how you based it around ferrets.
There were multiple things I liked about this poem. They will be listed below.
1) I love how you started almost every verse with "Ferret Friends."
2) Humor: I like how you used humor to make readers laugh. If that was not intended, I don't know what to say, but I really loved how it was funny. It gave me a smile!
3) The title: The title is what drew me in to read this in the first place. The title is so creative, and I don't think I could come up with something like this.
4) Creativity: This rap is very creative, I can't really rap or come up with good ones, but what you have here is creative.
5) It's about ferrets. I love ferrets for some odd reason, to me they are cute. Yes, I know they can be fighters, but that doesn't mean they aren't cute! xD
Overall this rap was funny, cute, and I really liked it!
I hope to see more like this in the future.
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs