Hi VioletFantasy,
Mailice here with a short review!
That was an unexpected, very funny story. You're not supposed to laugh at other people's bad luck, but you did a great job of making it humorous without overdoing it in a funny story. I smiled more than I should have. But that's a good thing.
Since the text is very short, I linger a bit longer on some things, be it from the structure or the construction.
Jared is a horribly unlucky kid. Everyone calls him a waking disaster. For this reason, he doesn't have any friends- at least not any who are alive, anyway. He isn't allowed to hang out with anyone since the car accident happened with his old friends. Let's just say, they survived the car crash, but not the hospital. Jared went to visit them and accidentally set the hospital on fire.
That was a very good opening paragraph. I liked how you got straight to the point and also gave some examples. I would, however, make the very first sentence a single paragraph so that the reader sees more of the meaning before it goes further into the explanations.
One question that remains for me here is who was in this car accident. Later it is mentioned that Jared is 12, by this I assume his friends are the same age. If one of them was driving, I could well imagine why there was an accident, but if you inserted that it was an adult who was driving, it would give more information to the reader.
The conclusion of this section is well done. You get to the point and leave the reader with a laugh before moving on.
However, at the age of 12, Jared is finally happy for the first time since that day. His parents surprised him with a pet dog! He has been wishing for one, but his parents always say no due to the fact that he would probably kill it. When he comes home from The School For Unfortunate Children, he finds a beautiful poodle sitting on his bed. He names it Clover, in the hope that she will bring him good luck. Unfortunately, she does just the opposite.
It's nice how you start here with Jared finally being happy. The insertion of the feelings of the rather neutral narrator are well done here and also give the whole plot a relaxed mood. Without that, the story would read like a tragedy. Here again is a question that remains with me (probably only stayed here because of the humour), is this school. Doesn't teacher after teacher die because of Jared when they enter his class? Or is he alone there?
Again, I love the contrast, how you describe something good and then it ends in potential disaster.
Jared becomes sick. It started with a runny nose, but he soon developed a fever. His parents then realised that Jared is allergic to Clover! Doing the only thing a parent could do, they throw Jared out of the house. Clover continues to live with Jared's parents while Jared lives on the streets, doing various side jobs and continuing to live a very unlucky life.
Jared getting sick seems to be the best thing that could have happened to him. Here I don't know why you suddenly focused on "a parent" instead of "his parents". In the end, you put in a good punchline with the last paragraph, where one can think that the whole text is a joke.
It was a refreshing and very funny story. I'm sorry for Jared of course, but for the few laughs, I'm not sorry anymore.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
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