Young Writers Society

First: I repeated down to emphasize how far down it really is (Poe is an idol of mine).
Second: The comma after "cat" is just noting where the end of the line is. No, it doesn't need to be there, but it is.
Third: You can be moving in slow motion if you are going fast. Ex: In a car wreck/accident, the incident seems to happen in slow motion to those involved and quickly to those watching. Same concept.
Fourth: I'm not referring to Alice. I'm reffering to the madness of wonderland and its inhabitants.

Hi there! This was a nice poem, but there were definetly a few things. It seems as you rushed through this poem and gave it little thought, because there are few things that are that don't really seem to match up.

VindicatedKnight wrote:Down, Down, Down,
The rabbit hole,

"We're all mad here," says the cat,
As he fades to nothing but a grin.

We're falling fast now,
But it's all in slow motion.

Our bodies meet the ground

Heya! I liked this piece but I think it could be longer. One tip?

There goes the Red Queen,
The White Queen,

If you want you could change it to, There goes the White Queen. *LIKED* Hero out,

I really, really liked this. It's short but awesome

"We're all mad here," says the cat,
As he fades to nothing but a grin.
Further down,
We're falling fast now,
But it's all in slow motion.

that's my favorite bit from it Haha. The rest of it's really awesome, too. The last line doesn't really go with the rest, however. I'm not sure why but it's just what I noticed Good luck with the rest of your writing!