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The Tale of Souls - Poem

by Vilnius, Stringbean


The Tale of Souls is sorrow-filled,

an epic of pain and regret;

Be warned, dear children of yonder days,

for no longer must you fret!

For in this tale, adventure is found,

tales of sorrow and woe!

For in this tale, love is found

between both friend and foe...

____________

From Laenalaen fair, to the star-filled sky,

the Tale can be heard for miles.

Started was the Tale by a kindly old witch

who recieved from all folk their sweet smiles!

Sinestra the Healer wandered there,

her shining lamp afar was seen,

the gleam of the night lights was in her hair,

and in her dresses shimmering.

____________

She told the tale to all with ears,

starting her song in the early years!

She sang of the Chieftains, she spoke of the saints,

and of her Tale, there were rarely complaints.

A history, this way, of those ancient lands-

Belecthoria to the North, the Misericord Lands,

the continents over the ancient sea,

the story of men fighting valiantly.

____________

When at last the tale came to an end,

Sinestra sighed and looked at the floor.

"There is more to be told, my dear friends.

I'll return when i have something more.

For theĀ  Tale of Souls is sorrow-filled,

an epic that never ceases, nor ends.

Indeed, we are all apart of that Tale,

and never again shall these old bones rest,

for North, and South, and East shall I go

until I last I find the histories of the West."


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22 Reviews


Points: 2378
Reviews: 22

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Wed Jul 29, 2020 8:10 am
deleted18 wrote a review...



Greetings, felow author!

I'm here to review this wondrous poem that, judging by your publishing history, is part of another universe. The very first thing that struck me was the lack of musicality that remains pervasive throughout the entire poem. Poetry is more than just rhymes, even if it's an epic. It's important to keep a rhythm to the verses as well. Usually you can ascertain it by reading it out loud, the stressed syllables come out and they're pretty much all there is to the rhythmic foot.

Also, constant verse length goes a long way, and your poem really lacks it. Let me give you an example:

For the Tale of Souls is sorrow-filled,

and epic that never ceases, never ends.

Indeed, we are all apart of that Tale,

and never again shall these old bones rest,

9-11-10-10. If it had good rhythm, this could be completely disregarded, but anyhow let's fix it up a little.

For the Tale of Souls is sorrow-filled,
and epics never cease nor end.
Indeed we're all part of that Tale,
And never shall these old bones rest.

Now it's 9-8-8-8, and the next verse is also 9, so there you have a typical quintet.

At the same time, whilst some expressions are a little too wordy, as evidenced above, others are simply...odd and possibly mistaken? Take a look at these:

the gleam of the night lights were in her hair,

Started was the Tale by a kindly old witch

until I last I find the histories of the West.


'Gleam' is the subject so it should be 'was,' the inversion is correct, but just sounds weird and the 'I last' should probably be an 'at last.'

As for the message, there isn't much to be said, since in an epic the form is more important than the content, as its meaning is to be transmitted through word of mouth. Old wives' tale were often in verse in order to be easily remembered and retold. That's why we have nursery rhymes today that date from Medieval or even Ancient eras!

I hope that this review didn't come across as overly harsh, that wasn't my intention, and if you need any further explanation, don't hesitate to ask.

Cheers,
Bubbles




Vilnius says...


Thanks for our review!

I made a few minor edits (including the stuff you mentioned). Really, this is just an intro for something@Stringbean and I are writing together that I hadn't quote finished yet.




Live your life how you want, but don't confuse drama with happiness.
— Ron, Parks & Rec