12+ Violence

The Djinn's Bride

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Twenty-three stops, the chore of a Friday. I love my father, I really do, but I don't want to spend my life making deliveries of raw meat. I get that I should be grateful that my father wants me to inherit the business and that he's respected my wishes to not be in an arranged marriage. However, there are only so many times I can make these gnat-covered trips without wishing that my father wasn't a butcher and was instead the town's librarian. At least I like everyone on my route, and it's my excuse to check up on old man Amir.

When I was a kid, I used to love asking people if they ever got three wishes, what would they wish for. I heard a variety of things from riches, a palace, a personal chef, and many more. However, I only found one other person who shared my wish in all my asking, Amir. A kind, old fisherman that lived alone in a shack by the sea. He said, "I would wish for the Djinn to be free. Imagine how terrible it would be. Locked in a lamp, only ever seeing sunlight to grant other people's wishes," I couldn't agree more with him. I felt doing anything else would be selfish. That’s why I always leave him as my last stop. I enjoy his company and end up helping him with chores around the house while we pontificate on hypotheticals.

I opened my nostrils wide and extended my arms as I breathed in, the salty sea air gives a reprieve to my nose after breathing in beef all day. With a sigh, I let my breath return to a normal pace as I noticed Amir casting his net off the beach.

“Ahoy, Amir!” I shouted with a wave. Amir looked back, hunched over, and gave me a wide grin on his leathery face.

“Ahoy, landlubber!” he turned back around and pulled his net in. “Go ahead and go to the cabin, I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay!” I started heading over to his "cabin," what he generously calls his little shack, so I can drop off the meat. Planning on returning to help him bring in his haul. That is if he caught anything today, Amir has gotten so old that he can no longer go out on his boat to fish, and even on the shore he can only cast his net a handful of times. That’s why I convinced my father and the baker to give him a few free weekly deliveries of our extra supplies. So we know he’s at least not going hungry.

It was at the moment I started pitying him again that I noticed a glint out of the corner of my eye. I turned to it; it was in Amir’s hands, whatever it was. He was still hunched over in the water as I saw him begin to rub some large, golden, metal casing in his hands. Then there was a deep guttural sound as smoke began to seep out of the casing. I struggled to focus my eyes on it as the sun reflected off the water. Then I heard a deep, booming voice echo over to me.

“Mortal, I am at your service. I shall be your humble servant until you have made your wishes, three,” proclaimed the gas emanating from the pot to Amir.

“Oh, great spirit, I wish for nothing but your freedom,” responded Amir. There was a moment of silence, then the being announced.

“Your only wish is my freedom from servitude.”

“That is correct, oh great spirit, in fact, is there anything I can do for you?” asked Amir, with his arms open wide and a big grin on his face. You could see the pity he felt for the Djinn’s time imprisoned written in his eyes.

“There is actually something you can do for me... scream while I eat you,” the Djinn said with a devilish grin as its gaseous form began to take the form of a giant mouth with razor-sharp teeth. Amir’s face dropped all merriment, replaced by an open mouth and wide eyes.

“W-what?” Amir stuttered.

I froze. One bite, that’s all it took and Amir was out of sight, but the crunching of bones rattled in my eardrums as I heard the screams of my friend being eaten alive by a giant mouth, and all I could do was watch on in horror.

After a minute, the screaming finally ceased as I just stood there, watching, unable to move a muscle. After grinding the last of Amir’s bones into paste, the Djinn finally swallowed. Finishing its meal, the Djinn took a more humanoid upper body, in its gaseous form. Below its waist, there was nothing but the vapors of gas. Once it seemed to finally settle on a form it liked, it disappeared, though it brought me no comfort as I felt magical energy coursing through me. As if I had been put under a spell.

The sky seemed to react in turn, turning into lime-green clouds, with a wall of mist coming over the sea. It felt as though I was trapped in this town by the clouds.

Wishing for a djinn to be free. Guess with hindsight, I now know how foolish that sentiment turned out to be. It’s now been forty-five years of endless torture by the Djinn. Reigning as God King over our town since I saw it on the beach. First, it made it so that none of us could leave the mist. The clouds contained us within the area in and around the town. Then it cursed us with immortality and the inability to grow old, so it could torture us forever. The sick creature finds it amusing that there are forty-five-year-old infants.

While most of the town’s people spend their time trying to find ways to hide from the Djinn. I instead have tried to spend the past forty-five years to come up with a plan to get myself and my fellow captives out from under the Djinn’s thumb, and I think I came up with a solid plan. My mother used to tell me stories of Scheherazade. The woman who saved her fellow courtesans by being the wife of a mad sultan. She subdued him with stories to quiet his murderous tendencies until she was pardoned from execution. If it can work in a myth, then maybe I could find a way to make it applicable to a mythic beast. So all that’s left is to go see the Djinn and propose.

So much for no arranged marriages. I think to myself as I put on the closest thing to a wedding dress I have. At least I can tell myself that this was my idea. Of course, that’s if this plan even works. I look at myself in the mirror as I brush my hair. Honestly, I surprise myself with the reflection. I haven’t dressed up like this since my cousin’s wedding before the djinn's arrival. I usually wear work clothes, giving off a boyish charm, but I guess looking regal every once in a while is a nice reminder that I’m just pretty. No matter what I wear. But saying that, I am trying to get a gas monster to fall in love with me; I’m not even sure if doing my hair up will do me any favors.

“Augh, well, let’s go see the beast.”

Ironically, now comes one of the most challenging aspects of this endeavor. Finding the Djinn. Despite all my friends and family spending their time trying to chart out its movements to try and avoid it, the only thing that is known for certain is that there is no pattern, anyone that tells you otherwise is just delusional. The Djinn takes pride in its randomness. It told me once before, while stabbing me with hot irons, that being truly random is the only way it can maintain optimal terror within the townsfolk. But honestly, how does the Djinn still find interest in our terror. After forty-five years of torment, quite frankly, I’ve gotten bored with being tortured. So much so that I think the Djinn has started to notice. After all, there’s only a certain number of times that you can be dumped in a pool of acid before you get desensitized to it. I ponder all of this while wandering the streets with a whistle. Then I hear a whistling in response as the air began to cool. Gotcha.

“There once was a girl dressed in white,” a low, rumbling voice began. “Who was in for a terrible fright.

Her bones of stone, a fate I can't condone, but as dust, she'd be just right.” I turned around to meet his gaze.

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you,” I said in a relieved tone. At least I wasn’t going to spend the whole day looking for it. The Djinn raised its eyebrow in response to my calm demeanor. “Anyways, I have a proposal for you.”

“A proposal, what could you possibly offer me?” The Djinn said with a laugh, cutting me off.

“Well I was about to explain before you rudely interrupted me,” I said matter-of-factly, I brushed off the dust that had gotten on my dress during the Djinn’s arrival. “As I was saying, I will be your willing bride if you will consider letting everyone else in town rest for the night in peace.” The Djinn gave a hearty, bellowing laugh in response.

"What do you hope to accomplish with this request? I already know every story ever written and have had my fill of music. Do you really think that you will be interesting enough to capture my attention for even an hour? How do you plan on trying to stop my games with the other townsfolk?"

"Well, I thought I was clear, I'm hoping to give the others a night of peace, and my plan is offering you the chance to obtain the one thing I know your powers cannot give you. Someone who loves you." The Djinn's face froze with an open mouth of astonishment. I could tell that I had hit the mark, despite all his power; deep down, he was lonely, and that I could exploit. "I won't force myself. You will have to do your part, but I will be willing."

With that, the Djinn's eyes turned to flames. "You dare to think that a mortal like you could please me, in any other way except by crushing your bones between my teeth!" it said with a roar.

"Threatening me will get you nowhere," I said with complete confidence. After all, what could it do to me that it hadn’t already done in the past forty-five years. Put me in a boiling pot of oil, been there, turn my body inside out and use it as a balloon, done that.

The Djinn looked dumbfounded. The expression lay on the djinn, as if unused for a thousand years. It quickly regained its composure. "Very well, I accept your challenge, mortal."

And so the games begin. Love is war, and I am determined to win.

“Meet me at sundown on the east side of town. I’ll have something to show you.” The Djinn said like it was excitedly concocting a plan.

“I’ll see you there, dear,” I said with a smile, trying to hide my surprise with what I believed to be the Djinn blushing at the word "dear". Maybe this will be easier than I thought, but I can’t get ahead of myself. Now comes the hardest part, waiting for the perfect opportunity to bring retribution for Amir’s death.

I spend my time, waiting for sundown, sharpening my butcher's knife. A gift from my father on my fifteenth birthday, also the day I was informed that I would be expected to take over the family business. This is the only thing I can think to use to kill the beast, but at the same time, the djinn is made of gas. Which means that I have to find a way to get it into a solid form. Which means, I have to somehow convince the Djinn that it wants to transform itself into a human. Which means... I have to somehow get it to want to grant me a wish.

Eventually, sundown came. So I started walking to the east side of town. At first, I didn't know what to expect, that is until I got halfway there... Oh Lord, that is a palace. I could see it on the horizon. A magnificent building with multiple domed roofs and pillars reaching deep into the setting sun’s sky.

When I arrived at the gates, I noticed multiple statues of myself, and while he elder women always whispered that I was a beautiful young woman, these statues make me look like a Greek goddess. Then I felt a chill and the wind moving behind me.

"From now on, this is where you shall live. I will only accept the finest luxuries for my bride." said the Djinn exuding a type of excitement I’ve only seen from children showing off their art.

“This place would make Sultans and Emperors blush, you’ve really outdone yourself. Although I do have to say, I think you got a little carried away with the statues of me. They're so beautiful that I almost didn’t see the resemblance.”

“Really? I think they are accurate. It was hard trying to capture your essence into marble.” the Djinn seemed genuinely surprised by my comment. Almost like the defiant warrior goddess statues that litter the front yard was actually how the Djinn saw me. The sentiment would be sweet if it didn’t come from the Djinn.

“But enough delays, it’s time to show you your new home!” As excitement returned to the Djinn’s face. It showed me marble statues of mythic beasts in the garden mazes. Crystal fountains that sprouted from the walls. Grand dance halls with a hoard of marionettes waltzing the night away. After a while, it showed me to my room. A grand open space with a bed sized for a Cyclops. Couches and tables lined the room. "So, what do you think?"

"I think it's a bit much; I don't need all this, but thank you for the thought," I said with a smile. If I’m to get the Djinn to lower its guard, and possibly grant me a wish, I’ll have to be unassuming.

The Djinn looked confused, then, after a moment, said, "Very well, do as you wish," with a hint of disappointment and left the room.

After he left, I went to the nightstand and slipped my shiny friend inside. I went to one of the sofas that lined the wall and sat on it. I couldn’t believe what lay under me. It had a softness as though it was holding me like a baby. The couch laid grander than my bed at home. I turned over to lie down. I must not lose myself in luxury, I must remember why I’m here. Remember that this only lasts as long as the Djinn stays interested in trying to court me. Remember what it has done to me.

As I slept, I relived the release of the Djinn. Like I do every night, I hardly even consider it a nightmare at this point. The only thing it makes me feel now is anger. Standing there, watching Amir get eaten. The inaction, the fear, the pity, never again. Never again will I allow myself to be helpless. I guess I do owe the Djinn that much. All these years of torment taught me one thing, ruthlessness is mercy to yourself. It was those who sold out their neighbor that freed themselves from pain. It was ignoring screams that saved you from hell. Furthermore, it will be the Djinn’s need to let someone in that will lead to its death, and it will be my ruthlessness that will save me from pitying that creature.

When I woke up, there was a note next to a tray with breakfast on it. Cooked oysters with eggs and steak, all within the shells of the oysters. The note read: “Dear, I will win your love, and I think I have an idea on how to do it. Meet me in the dining hall tonight at sundown to see what I’ve been preparing today.”

I had my breakfast, and headed out for the day. I was curious if I had bought a night of peace for my fellow captives, and as it turned out, I did. In fact, there were no screams throughout the day either.

Whenever I walked into the palace that night, I could smell exactly what it had been preparing that day. A feast, the likes of which I had never seen. God envied the spread laid before me.

"The quickest way to one's heart is through their stomach," the Djinn said with a smug grin. I looked through the spread, and after looking for quite some time, I finally asked, "Do you have any steamed vegetables?"

The Djinn shook his head, saying, "No, nothing so bland would be suitable for my bride."

"Oh, I see," I responded with a hint of disappointment. The Djinn, clearly noticing, twisted its head in apprehension. It said, "Okay, steamed vegetables it is."

"No, no, you don't need to go out of your way. I'm happy with what you've made. Just don't push yourself too hard. I don't need much." I lovingly smiled back at it, taking all I had to hold back my laughter at messing with the Djinn.

"So… do you not need much because you love me?" asked the Djinn sheepishly.

I almost laugh, catching myself before I could manage a smirk.

"Well, I can't say I love you just yet, it's like something's missing, though I can’t put my finger on it," I said, radiating warmth. Yeah, that thing being killable, I'd love that. Though that question made me ponder, what would it actually take for me to love such a vile creature.

The night came and passed, and I woke up to steamed vegetables and the same note as before on my little tray, this time telling me to meet it in the opera hall in the west wing of the palace. When I went out into the town this time, I found the houses empty. I couldn’t find a single soul over the course of the whole day. When I returned to the palace that night, I could hear beautiful music playing. As I approached the Opera Hall, the Djinn appeared beside me.

“Well, madam, you are sorely underdressed, let’s fix that,” the Djinn said in a bad French accent, which I gave a genuine, playful giggle too. It double-tapped my shoulder, and I found myself out of my normal clothes and in a beautiful Western dress. It was as though I were a noble woman in Paris, with how my dress frilled and glowed. I gave it a twirl and then curtsied.

“Thank you, dear, now you need to look the part as well,” I said with a smile. The Djinn blushed at my words, not attempting to hide it, seeming more comfortable to be vulnerable around me. Maybe this is my chance to get it in human form.

"Well, of course, madam,” The Djinn said with a somehow even worse accent, not even being recognizably French this time. It double-tapped its head and voilà, on top of its gaseous form appeared a fine silk shirt and hat to match my gown. It opened its arm to me; I took its lead as our arms interlocked. My arm feels like it's holding a floating shirt. Well, this was a bust, I suppose I'll have to wait for that wish I had initially planned on. The Djinn guided me to our seats.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Very much so… so what are we watching?”

“Ahh, I wrote an opera for you,” the Djinn said with great excitement. “After all, art is the key to the soul, is it not. Now, let us begin,” the Djinn snapped its incorporeal fingers, and the lights began to dim.

Spotlight center stage, the town’s librarian, oh no. I notice wires attached to him like the marionettes in the dancing halls. Then I hear the ever so faint sound of a piano wire being pulled as his mouth opens. Beautiful music comes out of him, as though a music box had replaced his vocal cords. No, no, no, this is why I didn’t see anyone today. As the solo finishes, the curtains open, revealing more townspeople. The opera continues, I sit there thinking, I can barely process what is being sung, I’m too upset. Close your heart, I tell myself, remember, I must be ruthless if I am to get this Djinn to be vulnerable with me. I can’t think of everyone’s safety all the time, it will jeopardize the mission. Then I remember Amir and me standing on the sands watching. Who am I doing this for, myself? No, I’ve become too numb to the pain caused by the Djinn, then why?

I watch on as my fellow victims are swung around by wires, hearing voices that aren't their own, and I think back to the screams I would hear echoing through the streets. After the first song is finished, I stand up.

“Oh no, my dear, that was just the introduction, there is still more,” said the Djinn, trying to read my reaction in the dark.

"I can't love someone who tortures others," I say simply and walk out of the performance hall. After all, I wasn’t just doing this for me, but for everyone. The Djinn didn't touch a single hair on anyone's head in town ever again.

This nightly courtship continued for five years. Until finally, the Djinn returned with no great gesture.

"I don't understand, I have provided you with every luxury known to man. Yet, night after night, you never seem impressed. Always telling me that you're satisfied with nothing. So I give up. I've run out of ways to make you love me. I'm willing to do whatever it takes." The Djinn let out a deep sigh, "What do you wish for? Wish for anything, and I'll grant it." This was the chance I'd been waiting for. Now, for the wish I'd been planning for the past five years.

"I wish for you to see the world the way I do, simply." I said, my heart filled with sincerity. The Djinn pondered for a moment. Then, a tidal wave of magic seemed to flow over me, and then over the whole town. I felt all the spells that bound me to this place and age melt away. I noticed that the Djinn started to transform. Until it no longer looked like the gaseous monster it was. Glowing like a gem caught in the twilight sun, and appeared like a beautiful doll.

"How's this?" The djinn asked meekly.

"I think you look lovely, this is exactly what I wished for. A way that makes you vulnerable to the simple things in life," I stated lovingly. The Djinn gave an embarrassed look of joy, not noticing the maliciousness behind my words.

I then said, "Would you like to walk with me through the town?"

The Djinn's eyes lit up. "Yes, please!"

The town had returned to some sense of normalcy ever since I left the opera on the third night. There were street vendors and people walking the streets without a fear. People returned to tending cattle, and even my father had restarted his butcher's shop. I figured that since this would either be the Djinn’s or my last day, I would enjoy myself. I took the lead this time and took the Djinn on a date.

The Djinn acted like a child, finally going outside after never having seen the world outside their room, looking at everything with a sense of wonder. We spent the whole day like this. Walking through the town, the townspeople treated us like royalty. Even though the torture had stopped since the third night of our game. All the townspeople walked on eggshells around the Djinn. But the Djinn didn't seem to notice the fear behind their kindness. It seemed to concern itself only with my smile. The Djinn would try fruit and gush about the flavor. Turning to me, it looked for approval like a shy child looking for permission to play from its mother.

“You know, I've never actually tasted fruit before. I’ve never needed to eat, so the few times I’ve ever eaten, it's always been mortals. I've always found their screams so entertaining.”

"Well, how is it?" I asked, flashing a goofy grin on my face, gesturing to the fruit.

"Much better than raw flesh, honestly, compared to these, mortals are kind of bland." The Djinn said with a giggle, almost as if telling a joke. I giggled along, having grown used to its nonchalance with which it treats human life, besides my own. We continued to explore until we returned to the palace that night.

"Djinn, do you want to sleep in the same room tonight?" The Djinn yawned with a sleepy nod, "I had no clue having a mortal body made you this tired. I see why you all sleep so much now."

I gently held its hand and led it into my room, and we lay down on the bed. Delicately, I caressed its angelic head in my arms. After a few moments, the Djinn fell into a deep slumber. I slowly lowered its head onto the pillows and moved to the nightstand. Opening the nightstand, there it was, the butcher's knife I had placed the first night of our game, and now it was time for our game to be over. I turned to the Djinn. In its effort to be as aesthetically pleasing as possible, it had formed a tiny, delicate neck for itself. If I had my way, I'd strangle the Djinn, but that would give it too much time to react. Even if I do use the knife, would that even actually kill it. No, calm down, stick to the plan.

Three chops, that's all it took to decapitate the Djinn. The loose head held the face of shocked betrayal. Seeming to ask why, as if the forty-five years of torture alone weren't enough to explain it, but in the end it doesn't matter. I won the game, the Djinn fell in love with me, I don't know when, but it did. Enough to let its guard down. Now we're free.

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ViktorZaltys Comment
Stickied · ViktorZaltys commented · Fri Jul 19, 2024 9:26 pm

Hey, I'm mainly looking for feedback on how to make this story better. I haven't done line by line editing to fix grammar, so I hope that it's readable. Any feedback would be much appreciated.

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Amir wishes selflessly for the Djinn to be free. But instead, the Djinn causes misery, and it’s up to the main character to fix it.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you meant to put a T in front of “the” for the elder women, but that is just one little thing.

Chocolate Bar - This story reads like a fairytale! I think my favorite part would have to be the end, when the main character stabs the Djinn to death. It doesn’t even look at its actions as morally wrong, and can’t seem to comprehend why she would hurt it. It felt exactly how she and the others felt when it was torturing the townspeople. Karma at its finest.

Closing Graham Cracker - The town is back to normal, but not without the painful memories scarring the air. Freedom is great, but sometimes, there is a reason such measures are taken to lock something up…

I wish you a wondrous day/night! ^v^

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Leya
Review
Leya wrote a review · Sat Jul 20, 2024 10:37 pm

Hello! Ley here to review this amazing work for you. Today, I will be using my 'Summer Themed Review Template'! I will start with opening statements, highlight and summarize my favorite parts, note areas that could be improved, and then give you my closing statement! I hope you find this review helpful, and I hope you're having a wonderful Summer, if that's the season wherever you are in the world! Let's get into it!

A Warm Welcome
This was an awesome read that had me on the tip of my toes. I see that you put a lot of time into this work, and I applaud you for it! The plot twist when the Djinn enslaves the entire town is something I would've expected to read out of a novel! I really loved the dialogue in this story, so let's get into the details!

Sunny Moments
As I said above, the dialogue was amazing! You were really able to portray the Djinn's personality, as well as Amir's-- and the protagonist. I found that it flowed smoothly, especially because of this! My favorite parts where 1) when the protagonist found the Djinn, 2) (surprisingly) when Amir got killed and devoured by the Djinn, and 3) the climatic ending! I loved the last sentence:

Now we're free.

I think this was a lovely way to end this piece. I found that it closed everything out nicely, and added some depth and a great ending. It was amazing!

Heat and Haze
I do have a couple of recommendations:

1) I know you said you wanted feedback on how to make the story better, but to me, the story is already pretty fleshed out and developed. The pacing was nice, so I won't comment on that.

2) I did spot some grammar mistakes, but I won't go into depth with every single one. I do, however, think this is worth mentioning: tenses are important within stories. It helps the reader tell a difference between whether this is a current situation, or a past situation. In the beginning, you were writing in present tense, and then would flip back and forth between past tense and present tense throughout the rest of the story. I'd recommend, when you do go back and do line by line editing, that you take this into consideration<3

Overall Vibes
Overall, this was an awesome and suspenseful read. I found myself smiling in some parts, gasping in others, and then by the end I found myself shocked yet happy that we got a good and resolute ending. I hope to read more of your work in the future! Have a lovely day.

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Thank you for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll keep those tenses in mind when I edit it. :)



The highlighted children are not mine.
— AresFig