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Young Writers Society


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The Scrambling of San Angelo | 1 | Sunday, July 27 | Brunch

by Ventomology


Usually, Francesca and Tim scrounged up Sunday brunch from a stall on the streets of Chinatown. Usually they ate standing up, or at one of their apartments, and drank mimosas mixed the from pulpy, too-sour orange juice that had been in Francesca’s fridge for four months. Sometimes they loaded up on pancakes with fake maple syrup at a diner, or breakfast burritos from a truck.

They never ate at places like the Silver Sea.

Anyone who knew anything about San Angelo knew that Silver Sea was the classiest place in town to eat Sunday brunch. Francesca had seen a mushroom-cluster of white, wide-brimmed beach hats and rows of manicured, high-heeled feet on her way inside. She’d seen flashes of diamond earrings and pearl necklaces and glimpsed jewel-studded crowns on canes in some of the older guests’ hands. Even in a flouncy blouse and well-fitted skirt, she was improperly dressed.

Tim, thankfully more in-the-know, had opted for a yacht look. He probably knew people who owned yachts. Maybe one day he would have enough money to buy a yacht. Wizards were like that.

“Man,” he said, as he tucked an arm around Francesca’s waist to lead her up the stairs to the porch. “How the hell did you get a reservation here?”

“I didn’t,” Francesca replied. She noticed Tim wore an expensive watch. Maybe she should have worn bigger jewelry. She owned a set of sterling silver hoops.

Tim leaned closer as they passed through the doorway. “Then why are they treating us like we have one?”

As soon as her heels crossed the threshold, she scooted out from his arms. “Persy,” she replied, as if that explained everything. It would have to, since she was too busy admiring the trim at the edges of the room to explain herself. All the old Victorian houses had pretty trim, but the Silver Sea had gone the extra mile. Some master craftsman had carved patterns of sea life all over–in the bannisters, the corners, the windowsills. And it was all painted a clean, perfect white so elegant it erased all the kitsch of having a sea-themed restaurant.

“Persy?” Tim repeated. He quick-stepped to catch up to Francesca and the maitre d, both already heading for the table, and leaned in to her ear. “Doesn’t she teach at a library? Why would she eat at a place like this?”

Francesca rolled her eyes. “She volunteers at the library,” she corrected, her voice low. Her heels made enough noise on the hardwood floor, and she already felt out of place. “And she owns two floors of a house in First Hill.”

“What does that even mean?”

The maitre d stopped and gestured blankly at a table with two place settings. Tim hurried to pull out Francesca’s chair.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Francesca said under her breath. She smiled at the maitre d as the woman placed their menus on the table, and then raised one eyebrow as Tim sat down. “The fact that she owns property in San Angelo Bay at all should mean something. And First Hill is where all the nice houses are. Well, the ones that aren’t on Whitby.”

“Ahh.” Tim let a moment of silence hang over them. “Then why is she teaching old lady stuff at a library?”

“Just read the stinkin' menu.”

Tim snorted and flipped open his menu. Francesca, already certain she wasn’t going to like the numbers she saw, hesitated. She fidgeted with her glasses, watched as Tim’s long, bony fingers thumbed the heavy stock paper, and then let her gaze wander up to his delicate nose and tousled bangs. He looked like he fit in here, with his intentionally casual, yet obviously expensive clothes, and his k-pop styled hair and make-up, and his utter nonchalance. Even as he leafed through the drinks, his expression stayed smooth.

With a sigh, Francesca popped open the cover and immediately had a heart attack. God, fifteen dollar mimosas? She hurriedly skipped to the real dishes and wondered if she could just leave now.

“So,” Tim said, after a minute. “Decided?”

Francesca’s wallet unfortunately couldn’t handle seafood at this price tag. It would be carbs for her. “Yep. You?”

“Heck yeah.” He picked up his water glass and tipped it toward her like a toast. His smile could light up a city. “So, how did Persy get a reservation here on short notice?”

Rolling her eyes, Francesca clinked her glass against his. “She didn’t. She’s had this set up for a while, but something came up, and she couldn’t make it.”

“Well, we are the lucky beneficiaries, so I guess I can’t complain.” After a quick wink, he took a long sip of water, and Francesca’s eyes caught on the bob of his throat. She watched, captivated, as he set his glass down and leaned back to survey the room, his limbs and neck stretching like a languid Bernini sculpture, and his black hair shining in the morning sun. It wasn’t fair that he could look like that in tech bro yacht clothes.

Francesca could have admired him forever, but then the gaggle of old girls in their white hats burst into the dining room. Their laughter rang out like a herald’s trumpet, rattling the crystalline chandeliers overhead, and their heeled footsteps clattered like a cabinet of china shattering on the ground. Startled by the noise, Francesca had no choice but to look away from Tim and follow the women in their path through the restaurant.

She wasn’t the only one, either. Tim had turned to watch them, as well as the tidy old couple at the table next to them. A quieter group of women in purple hats sat rigid in their seats, forks half-raised to their mouths, as they grimaced at the white-hats. The only people who didn’t notice looked like a middle-aged couple in the back corner, who were so absorbed with holding hands and touching each others’ faces that they didn’t even notice their baby, buckled into a stroller next to them, start thrashing.

The white-hat women sat down at a long table in the very center of the dining room, where everyone would hear them, and Francesca blew out a long, slow breath. She glanced to Tim, who was eyeing the women with a handsomely furrowed brow, and then around the restaurant to see if their waiter was coming. The sooner they ordered, the sooner they’d eat, and the sooner they could leave this place.

The baby in the corner had other ideas. Their thrashing had escalated to whining and whimpering and tiny fist-shaking, and the stroller wiggled and wobbled, its plastic joints threatening to come undone.

That was odd. No decent stroller would be that weak. Francesca turned completely in her chair to more closely examine its construction and then gawked, open-mouthed, as the baby screamed, and the stroller exploded in a spray of warped, plastic bits.

The parents startled out of their romantic reverie to press into the wall, half on top of each other. Nearby diners scrambled from their seats, leaving chairs overturned in their wake, and Tim launched himself past the table, pen in hand, already scrawling an aether conduit on one palm.

Francesca tapped the sides of her glasses, and the enchantment engraved in them flared to life. Activated aether lit up her vision, pouring from the baby’s mouth like storm water in a flood. The magic set the whole building abuzz, vibrating like glass at the perfect frequency. Francesca’s ears hurt, and the floor groaned under her feet. She could hear the chandeliers clinking, and silverware bouncing on porcelain plates. Tim’s wizardry looked like nothing in comparison. He held a tiny net of energy in his hands, spread wide to catch the baby up in it, and Francesca knew it wouldn’t be enough. The collision of aether might even make the situation worse.

She stumbled forward, heels buckling as she staggered from table to table, and shoved Tim out of the way. She reached for the baby’s parents and pulled them off each other.

“Calm down your kid!” she hissed, right in their ears. “My friend can’t stop them!”

The father’s lips curled. “I saw him writing on his hand! Isn’t he a wizard? He’s more equipped than anyone!”

Francesca groaned, and the sound disappeared in the din. A mimosa glass broke somewhere in the background, spilling orange liquid across the floor. “And your kid is aether-loved! Get your butts in gear and calm them down.” She glanced behind her and saw Tim trying to reconstruct his net by retracing his scribblings, but it was smaller and weaker than before, since more of the ambient aether had been used up.

The father glanced at the mother, and the mother flushed beet red. “She won’t listen to me! She only calms down with the nanny!”

Francesca’s eyes bugged out of her skull. This was stupid. She grabbed the baby, muttering the worst cusses she could think of under her breath, and ran out of the building. She felt the vague thud of Tim following after her, the whisper of the parents shouting in alarm. Then, when she made it to the grove of trees just outside the restaurant, she sat the baby on the ground, plugged her ears, and waited.

It took fifteen minutes for the kid to use up the ambient aether. All the while, disoriented restaurant guests meandered about, hands over their ears, while staff rushed to and fro, cleaning and fussing and trying to reassure customers that they would be reimbursed somehow. The shiny cars that people drove in this neighborhood slowed down as they passed by, and dog walkers wearing designer sunglasses crossed the street to avoid the chaos.

The baby’s parents called the nanny. Francesca and Tim sat in exhausted silence as the scream of magic slowed from thunderous to loud to a mere whisper.

“Isn’t it wild?” Tim said, when the crying had been reduced to only crying–no magic in earshot. “Aether-loved can do so much.”

“Jealous?” Francesca asked, examining her ankles. They throbbed dully, but they hadn’t swelled.  Heels were so cute but so painful.

Tim scratched his wrist and gazed at the scribbles on his palms, then at the baby, then at the parents, cowering behind a bench as though their child would explode. The nanny still hadn’t arrived.

“I wonder where the nanny lives,” Tim continued. “Isn’t it crazy that some people have to live so far away from their jobs?”

Francesca tugged at the buckle on her shoe straps. “Weird segue, but I think it’s more crazy that those parents are calling someone on what I assume is a day off to handle their own kid.”

As if he hadn’t heard her, Tim stood up and began to pace. “Wouldn’t it be amazing,” he said, a hand on his chin, “if we could crack the miracle of aether-loved? Imagine what people could do by combining aether-loved power with the control and sustainability of wizardry. We could change so many lives.”

And now they were back to magic. The lack of Sunday brunch had clearly fried Francesca’s brain, because she could not for the life of her follow Tim’s train of thought. “You wizards are so obsessed with aether-loved,” she retorted, “how they don’t adhere to aether mechanics, how they access so much of the stupid stuff. I bet there’s just some secret source that none of you have figured out how to tap, and that’s the whole difference.”

Tim took two more steps, then pivoted to look directly at Francesca, fingers still on his chin. The baby’s screaming had fallen to quiet, shuddering sobs that enticed the parents to finally inch out from their hiding spot, and the sounds of the city took center stage once more. Leaves rustled overhead, and cars rumbled by on the street. A few new restaurant patrons idled around the grove, waiting to be seated as the Silver Sea cleaned up and resumed business as usual.

“What do you think that source would be?” Tim asked, his face unreadable. He’d turned back to the baby.

Francesca waved her arms in an approximation of a shrug. “I don’t know. The ground? Magma? I’m a civil engineer, not a wizard. I just figure that if artificial conduits based on modern theory can’t access more aether, then it could either be blocked or maybe in a different state that doesn’t flow. A solid, maybe.” She looked at Tim, expecting him to counter her with some more advanced rule of aether mechanics, but he didn’t look back. He faced the street instead, and the upward angle of his gaze, tilt of his chin, and cross of his arms told her he was somewhere far away, no longer listening to anything.

So much for their fancy brunch.


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Sun Sep 25, 2022 12:17 am
Spearmint wrote a review...



Hiya Ventomology, mint here with a review! ^-^
So first off, I absolutely love the casual, modern magic here. This line is fabulous: "Maybe one day he would have enough money to buy a yacht. Wizards were like that." Wizardry is most likely not the first thing you think of when you think of yachts, so that line is just really surprising and fun. xD Overall, I think this is an entertaining read and an intriguing start to a novel!

Anyways, on to some specifics~

"The fact that she owns property in San Angelo Bay at all should mean something. And First Hill is where all the nice houses are. Well, the ones that aren't on Whitby."

Just a tiny nitpick here– this feels a little like some explanation on behalf of the reader. Although it's also possible that Tim just isn't very aware of these kinds of things… he seems to have a fancy, slightly-clueless, head-in-the-clouds wizard vibe, so that could fit. xD

Francesca turned completely in her chair to more closely examine its construction and then gawked, open-mouthed, as the baby screamed, and the stroller exploded in a spray of warped, plastic bits.

Well, that's certainly an exciting start to a novel… Also, just the image of a baby causing explosions and chaos in this super fancy restaurant makes me crack up. XD

and Tim launched himself past the table, pen in hand, already scrawling an aether conduit on one palm.
Francesca tapped the sides of her glasses, and the enchantment engraved in them flared to life. Activated aether lit up her vision

Ahh! It is so cool how all this magic is integrated into the characters and their accessories. I wonder if Tim's pen is special in some way, or if he just needs any pen to create an aether conduit? I’m also quite curious what an aether conduit looks like, but adding description here might bog down the action, so I’m willing to wait for that, lol. And Francesca's glasses (!!) =D Honestly, these magic items are so practical. Who needs wands or amulets or diadems when you can have multipurpose pens and glasses? These magical everyday items are awesome. :]

And your kid is aether-loved!

Interestingg… It seems like the "aether-loved" are going to be pretty important to this novel. Based on information from later in this chapter, it seems like aether-loved are kind of like Terry Pratchett's sorcerers in that they're born with innate magic? And wizards are the ones who rely on spells and more structured magic… I'm curious whether the aether-loved have some external mark on them, or whether it's only their power that sets them apart from others.

Francesca's eyes bugged out of her skull. This was stupid. She grabbed the baby, muttering the worst cusses she could think of under her breath, and ran out of the building.

Omg, I love Francesca. XD Reluctant hero and rare possessor of common sense. <3

She felt the vague thud of Tim following after her, the whisper of the parents shouting in alarm.

I'm not quite sure what you meant by "the whisper of the parents shouting in alarm" here. Did the sound of their shouts fade as Francesca ran out of the building? Or was feeling this whisper something magical? It just seems kind of contradictory to me to have both "whisper" and "shout" refer to the same people. ^^'

cowering behind a bench as though their child would explode. The nanny still hadn’t arrived.

Honestly, I don't blame those parents. Child combustion seems like a real possibility when you're talking about this kid. xD And who is this mysterious nanny who's the only one who can get this child to calm down?? Will they be important to the story later? >.>

I'm a civil engineer, not a wizard.

I lovvee that. I haven't seen a civil engineer as a protagonist of a fantasy novel before. (Although to be fair, I haven't been reading many fantasy novels lately.) But either way, Francesca seems like a capable and unique protagonist! ^-^

So much for their fancy brunch.

RIP. I do hope Francesca gets some food soon… she'll probably need it for whatever adventures or mysteries she'll most likely get sucked into. xD

Overall, this chapter was a great introduction to your world! I enjoyed learning about the vibrant city of San Angelo and aether and wizardry. Francesca and Tim also have a cute dynamic, and I wonder what the secret behind the aether-loved could be… Thanks for the chapter, and I look forward to reading more of Francesca's adventures! =D

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Ventomology says...


Lol I had just replied to your other review when I saw this haha. Thanks for sticking with me There!

Honestly, there is... so much exposition necessary to this story and I actually have no idea how to get all of it across without just explaining it sometimes. Hopefully the transition to chapter 2 doesn't end up being too jarring.



Spearmint says...


XD :D
Ooh, well, that's overall probably a good sign! It does come across that you've done a lot of worldbuilding, and it makes the story richer and livelier. ^^ (Although yeah, I guess there'll have to be a balance between fun action shenanigans and explaining things to the readers. xD)



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Sun Sep 18, 2022 12:33 am
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there Ventomology! Lim here with a review :D

First Impressions
I’m intrigued by the setting and the lore! I like how the magic system works, as it’s detailed yet intuitive enough to understand. (I really like how Francesca uses her glasses to see the aether – I thought that was a nice way to show how the magic is embedded into daily life.) Somehow I was very impressed by the baby’s powers, even though they’re just a baby and probably don’t know what they’re doing xD The characters are fun and interesting. This chapter leaves me feeling like there’s an adventure about to start.

Characters
I like how you show the dynamic between Francesca and Tim. From what I gather she seems to think highly of him in some ways, for instance thinking that he looks high-class/ handsome, but she also partially thinks of him as being a little ridiculous, for instance the “tech bro yacht clothes” descriptor. That latter bit is more of them showing that they are contrasting personalities, I do think.
At first, I was a bit puzzled why Francesca knew more about Persy’s First Hill connection when it was portrayed that Tim at least *appeared* to be more in-the-know about that rich people life, but reading to the convo at the end, it kind of makes sense. Tim only ‘knows how to dress for a place like the Silver Sea’ from Francesca’s perspective and analysis. By the conversation they’re having at the end, even though he’s very intelligent, he also seems more detached from ‘everyday’ matters and more absorbed into the esoteric side of magic, which Francesca chalks up to him being a wizard.

“Isn’t it wild?” Tim said, when the crying had been reduced to only crying–no magic in earshot. “Aether-loved can do so much.”
“Jealous?” Francesca asked, examining her ankles.

I thought this contrast made ‘bantering’ moments like this one play out smoothly and organically.

Plot
I think this first chapter seems to be more about introducing the characters and the magic system. I kind of get the sense that the aether-loved baby, or the aether-loved in general will be a crucial point in forming the plot of the story, but I’m not sure how that’s going to play out, or what’s going to motivate Francesca to do something about it. I notice the title mentions a date and “Brunch”, which makes me think this might be a thriller story where the characters have a time limit to achieve a certain objective, though that’s just me hazarding a guess. I find myself pretty eager to find out, though! :D

Setting
I like that I can immediately imagine the place that the story occurs in from the first paragraph. I thought it was fun that you used food to situate the story, for instance, “breakfast burritos”, “Chinatown” and “diner” for me have connotations with a USA-specific culture (or at least that’s the impression I have, not being from there myself). The setting is very immersive and ‘real’, with all the little details about what the characters do in their daily lives and what the people in the background look like and are doing.
Francesca tapped the sides of her glasses, and the enchantment engraved in them flared to life. Activated aether lit up her vision, pouring from the baby’s mouth like storm water in a flood. The magic set the whole building abuzz, vibrating like glass at the perfect frequency.

About the last line there – I was wondering if her activating her glasses enchantment also affected how she perceives sound? Or is the “vibrating like glass” description applying to people who don’t have magic glasses as well?
There also seems to be a theme of social class in this setting. Francesca observes a lot of details about what’s so ‘upper class’ in the Silver Sea while also fretting that she herself had dressed inappropriately. The characters in the background also show a certain tension between different social groups, for example, the white hats and the purple hats:
A quieter group of women in purple hats sat rigid in their seats, forks half-raised to their mouths, as they grimaced at the white-hats.

This makes me wonder how such tensions might play into the story.

Overall

This looks to be a really interesting fantasy story with dynamic characters and a cool magic system. The descriptions are really well done, and they hint at a richly detailed world. There’s quite a few unanswered questions, but that makes me more eager to read on.

Hope some of this helps and feel free to ask for more feedback!
-Lim




Ventomology says...


Thank you Lim!!! I guess you'll see what all your predictions come out to soon?




I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe