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The Quantum Mind: Chapter 6

by Ventomology


While Lillian walked through the hallways between lunch and English, she noticed that new bio teacher Carrie had been raving about over the weekend. And just like Carrie had said, the lady was using a camera to look at students. It was probably that infared one Carrie talked about.

That’s really creepy, Lillian thought.

But even more disturbing was the fact that that teacher, Mrs. Johns, lowered her camera to stare directly at Lillian.

Eww! Why the crap is she looking at me like that?

Lillian quickened, trying to disappear into the crowd, but the hungry eyes of Mrs. Johns still bore into her back. They reminded her of muggers, or what they probably looked like, only sadistic and deadly. Lillian gulped hard and tried to erase the red-frizzy-haired lady’s cruel smile from her head.

***

At lunch, Theo was unusually quiet. He even admitted it to himself. But something simply didn’t sit straight with him.

It was that new bio teacher. What was her name? Mrs. Johnson? Mrs. Johanne? Whatever. It didn’t matter. She’d already freaked him out.

Based on what knowledge he’d gathered from Carrie, Theo had decided a few things on Mrs. Whatever. The first was that she didn’t know her biology very well. The second was that she was eccentric. And the third was that she noticed something special about Carrie and Lillian.

Carrie hoped it was her potential, but Theo agreed with Lillian. That lady was very suspicious.

Forget it, Noel thought back at him. He hadn’t meant to transmit his thoughts over the internet, wary of the school’s wireless tapping, but it sometimes activated subconsciously.

You’ve been watching too much TV, Noel chided him, just because you have telepathy doesn’t mean you’re in a superhero world.

How many times do I have to remind you, Theo inwardly groaned. His eyes flicked towards the people at the lunch table. It’s not telepathy.

Whatever. It’s my turn to read anyway. Noel’s thoughts began to turn back to Shakespeare, and the relations between the characters and her own group of friends.

Theo dove back into his mind-room, watching information fill itself in on a massive whiteboard. Some facts about Mrs. Whatever…

Well, she liked to look at people with her infared camera. That was disturbing. She taught from the book. Like, straight from the book, with book answers. Mrs. Whatever was outgoing, and talked more about phase change and physics than she did biology.

That was the one thing Carrie didn’t like about her, the lack of biology. And Theo decided that was a little odd as well. They’d talked about the Bose-Einstein state that day, utterly confounding Carrie. Even Theo’s chemistry teacher hadn’t explained Bose-Einstein.

Noel was done reading. Hey Noel, he thought, what’s the Bose-Einstein state?

Stop it, Theo! I’m trying to listen to other people! And besides, if you can talk to me over the internet, why don’t you just go search online right now?

Even though simply prompting her to think about it had gotten him an answer, he took her advice to fill in the blanks.

The internet was a scary place. In one frightening millisecond, he could search through literal mountains of information. He could blink and suddenly appear thousands of miles away from his original location on the information superhighway. His mind was a tiny red car that traversed an ever-expanding world. It was breath-taking, really.

As it turned out, the Bose-Einstein state was a state when atoms came so close to each other with so little energy that their electron shells sort of overlapped.

Theo figured that quantum mechanics was just as scary as the internet.

***

Mr. Wills called Yvette for a special appointment that afternoon, and she was not looking forward to dealing with him, or his comments about her friends. Nonetheless, he was her superior.

So she stood silently at attention while Mr. Wills stroked his beard and clicked away at his gradebook.

He finally looked up, his face serious and grim. “I have something important to say to you.”

“It’s not about that teacher, is it? That would be stupid. She’s only eccentric. Carrie is absolutely enthralled by her, so I doubt the lady-”

“That’s not it,” Mr. Wills interrupted.

“Oh?”

“I’m demoting you. It’s clear you have far too much attachment to make clear decisions regarding this case.”

Yvette fell silent. She breathed in. “Mr. Wills, if I may, I have a suggestion.”

“One suggestion won’t keep you from being demoted.”

She brushed the comment aside. “You said the device would lower the temperature of a living being, correct?”

“Yes.”

“It’s just that we might use that Mrs. Johns’s idea.”

The man’s bushy white eyebrows perked, making him look almost comical. “What do you mean?”

“We could use an infrared camera to find where the temperature is below one degree,” she said, then reconsidered and added something. “Well, supposing the quantum device still exists.”

“And wouldn’t you love it if the device had burned in the atmosphere?”

“Mr. Wills, I have told you many times, the device is priority.”

“Ah, but is it priority enough that you’ll place it above your friends?”

Yvette straightened her face. “Of course.”

Chuckling, Mr. Wills stroked his beard and rose to his full height. Yvette figured he might have been taller than Abraham Lincoln. He looked down with smug superiority, like an aristocrat priding himself for abandoning a kitten. "I should hope it is. And don't worry, I've already placed your tactic into good use."


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Sun Dec 29, 2013 4:05 am
barefootrunner wrote a review...



Back again! Good luck, once more, to your team on this lovely review day :D

Character development

There isn't much more character forming happening at the moment, and that's okay. Right now, we're seeing how most of your characters react in normalish situations. There's little need for more development, unless you want to add some strange quirks, like an obsession with peanut butter or a hate of pink highlighters, in which case, this is a good chapter in which to put it, as everything is so calm. I love the way you built that bio teacher, by the way!

Plot

Okay, it's going strong, as always, but I think I've skipped a conclusion I was meant to make, perhaps? I didn't know this "telepathy" is over the internet. How does Theo know it's transmitted electronically, and how does it end up in Noel's brain? I thought wireless has to go through wireless devices such as a phone or computer. That's confusing to me! Also searching the internet. Is it with his new abilities, or through a computer? This is the first time I've heard about the internet in connection with this!

Style and tone

Good, but there is a slightly strange simile in here:

He looked down with smug superiority, like an aristocrat priding himself for abandoning a lost kitten.

Abandoning a LOST kitten? How can he abandon a kitten that is already lost? Anyways, the simile was slightly strange and didn't totally flow with your usual voice.

Also, place a tactic TO good use, not INTO.

Keep writing!

barefoot




Ventomology says...


Whoops! I guess Theo's internet telepathy requires explanation. Just asking, but do you think it would be smart to put it in the previous chapter?



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Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:44 pm
Deanie wrote a review...



Hello again :] Tired of me yet?

I think this was a... reasonable chapter. Mrs Johns is way creepy. My only problem with her being a biology teacher is, would she qualify? Not any random teacher gets placed in a school, especially if she publically does disturbing things like peer at students through a camera. No, she would like not be qualified as a teacher at the school. Do you have a way of getting round this so she is permitted?

I would also like to know more about Yvette at this stage. It's the perfect moment to release a lot more information about her seeing as she is currently being demoted. We are still left in the dark on this subject, and it's started to bother me.

Also, why was Noel saying it's my turn to read? Are their brains continuously linked so they can only see through one pair of eyes at a time? I'm seriously confused, and in general would like a deeper explanation of the whole telepathy thing. Noel doesn't seem to mind Theo being there much.

Who is this Mr. Wills anyways? Every time I read your chapters, I feel like I'm gathering more questions. And these questions are seldom answered, so I think they should at least start to be by now.

Nice ending, and as usually, nice details in the chapter. I have a little comment which reaches back to the beginning of the story. At the beginning there was also a Doug mentioned, and some other dude they sit next to in the bus. I can see how you should've introduced Noel, Theo, Lillian and Carrie with names, as well as Yvette. But the other two don't appear as much, and just seem to have their names thrown in at the beginning. Maybe you should cut them out so we don't get too confused. Just say Theo's mate when you mention Doug, or the boy who sits next to them. It's a lot more simple...

Keep up the good work ^^

Deanie x




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Thu Nov 07, 2013 3:20 pm
lostthought wrote a review...



I have read the rest of the chapters and I wasn't disappointed with this chapter! I haven't commented on the rest of your chapters though. I have read a lot of complements on your works and I am going to actually review for once.

The last sentence destroyed the entire story. Not the best end if you want the readers to get excited for the next chapter. It may seem like climax to you but it can be tweaked.

I wish I knew about Yvette more. I guess that is coming huh?

It is pretty good and write more chapters




Ventomology says...


Thank you for reviewing! I reread that piece, and you were so right, that ending wasn't nearly as good as some other ones. After a few hours mulling it over, I rewrote the last bit of dialogue. I only hope it doesn't give away too much.
Thanks again!



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Wed Nov 06, 2013 10:21 pm
Aravis10 wrote a review...



Hi! Aravis! I was so excited when I saw the next chapter and I was not disappointed. I love your true to life dialogue. It is not stiff, or too wordy, or just plain boring. I guess that I have complimented you a lot in the past chapters already. Therefore, I will just jump into the next part.
Well, I will just start will the first thing on my mind. The last sentence of your chapter was a little of a... um, letdown. It doesn't really pull me into the next chapter. Whether he is telling the truth about the photography class doesn't seem to matter that much. Also, I wish I knew more about Yvette. But I suppose that is coming. At least, I hope it is.
You always make it difficult for me to review. :) That is good! Plus, you have to keep writing! When Mr. Willis and Yvette find out about Theo, what are they going to do? Wait. Don't answer that. Just post the next chapter!




Ventomology says...


As always, you're quick to pick up on what I only did mediocre on. Since I'm mostly done fiddling with the next chapter, I figured I'd change the dialogue a bit to foreshadow the coming events.
Thank you so much for always taking time to review my work!




All the turtles are related.
— Jack Hanna