Before you hear anything else, you must know what Serena Tian wore to work on Tuesday. She wore black slacks with a precise, straight-but-not-too-straight cut that made her ankles look good. Her dark blue blouse was simple and elegant, tight at her hips and billowy at her shoulders, and she wore it tucked into the waistband of her pants, to make her legs look longer. Her white oxford pumps somehow still shone bright white, not cream or grey or any other close but nonetheless incorrect variation. She wore her hair in a thick side plait with exactly the right amount of flyaway to be charmingly sophisticated.
And she was stuck in a giant magic soap bubble, floating high above the city skyline.
Unlike her coworker, William, who had gotten stuck in the bubble with her, Serena had accepted the fact of the bubble: that she could not sit up straight unless she crossed her legs or tucked them under her, and that getting to that position in the first place would be a hassle. William scrabbled still at the slippery surface of the bubble, trying to flip over onto his back and get his knees under him. Serena lay back with her spine curving into the sphere. Her legs stretched into the air, knees locked and feet pointed into the curve of her shoes so that they rested on the opposite side of the bubble. Occasionally she turned her head to look on the city below.
William fell on his face again, smacking Serena when he flailed his arms, but she hardly flinched.
“Hey Serena?” William grumbled into the soap film.
She bestowed upon him a small, airy hum.
“How are you so calm right now?”
As if it brought her great melancholy, she turned away from the cityscape to look at him. Her perfectly made-up face fit into an almost pout. “There is nothing to do,” she said. “We have no safe means of escape, and someone will come get us eventually.”
William flailed again. “What if we run out of air?”
Like a ballet dancer doing port de bras, Serena lifted her arm and checked her watch. It was a very elegant watch, with a thin black band, a black face, and a thin metallic circle keeping the glass in place. “I’m sure we have at least an hour before carbon dioxide poisoning begins.”
“An hour?!” William screeched. “That’s nothing!”
Because it would be clunky to shrug in this situation, Serena instead gave a smooth twist of her wrist, in a ‘moving on’ motion. “You have magic, correct?”
“Yes,” William grunted, pounding a fist against the bubble. “But it’s plant magic, not flight or combat or anything that will get us out of here.” He rubbed his cheek against the soap film in sorrow. “It’s not even that cool or flashy. I photosynthesize. All it does is help me save on food expenses.”
With a put-out sigh, Serena lifted part of her torso to purse her lips at William. “You passed high school biology, no?”
“Ugh, obvious— Oh.”
Face reddening, William slowly turned over onto his back, slumping into the curves of the bubble, like Serena. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up his sleeves, pulling back the pinstriped fabric to reveal tan, slightly green skin along his forearms and chest. He rolled his slacks to his knees and propped his feet on the curve of the bubble, showing his green shins to the sun.
With another breath, he activated his magic. The green patches of his skin darkened to emerald, and the steady rise and fall of his chest slowed.
A small smile crept across Serena’s face. She relaxed further into the bubble, letting herself share the central dip with William, and pulled her miniature sketchbook from her back pocket and her pencil from her front pocket. Then she turned back to the city below and laid out the lines.
The city of Agora stretched out for miles. The downtown curved along the shore of a still, cerulean bay, disrupted only by a tidy white beach tucked between two piers. Skyscrapers grew up like a shiny forest, their steel and glass tree trunks crawling with office-worker ants. The fingers of the piers twined with the water, bright white against a light blue that seemed all at once deep and dark and bright.
The rest of Agora—its neighborhoods of ornate row houses, tucked like a decorative inlay between streets and shared courtyards, its tightly-woven shopping centers, its suburban outskirts, and its vast shoreline parks—spread over the hills like a vivid new quilt.
As their bubble floated over the piers, Serena drew. The sprawling docks made a perfect perspective grid, and the masts of sailboats rose into the third dimension like needles from a pin cushion. With her pencil, Serena lightly suggested the soft, rhythmic waves that interlaced with the piers, sure to mark in the shadow of the big barge cruising into harbor. At the edge of the page, she sketched in the lines of the waterfront restaurants, their tiny characters and architectural features somehow still visible from high up. And behind those rose the great blocks of downtown skyscrapers.
The pencil sketch came easily. The inky outlines of buildings and concrete docks followed. And then Serena filled in textures and shadows, creating a vibrant swirl of black lines that somehow, magically, became the piers. When she penned in the last little dot of detail on an older, waterfront building, she recapped her pen and slipped it back into her pocket, next to her pencil. With a tiny smile, she looked over her work, and then used the paper to fan herself, for it was getting rather warm in the bubble.
She glanced over at William, who’d fallen asleep with his photosynthesis still going. He might not be flashy or powerful or combat-ready, but William knew his magic well. It lived in his cells and glowed under his skin, not just an energy he could call on, but an integral, physical part of his body. And it was beautiful, too, in the way that an old, massive, knotted tree is beautiful, or in the way that tiny plant tendrils poking out of the earth are beautiful. William was nature, and people who saw knew it.
Serena admired that part of him. She admired the solidity and confidence of his magic, a thing she had none of. She admired the peace it gave him, to reconnect with the farm he grew up on by becoming a plant himself, using the things the cornrows had taught him, remembering the words and wisdom of the rustling stalks. Sometimes, Serena wished she had magic.
The bubble rocked, suddenly, and Serena remembered that magic was as much a pain as it was beautiful.
As William spluttered awake beside her, Serena looked out through the soap film. Hovering in the air was a member of Sky Patrol, dressed in the standard, bright orange bodysuit that all Sky Patrol members wore. This one had their helmet visor down, and its reflective surface showed only Peony’s warped mirror image.
The Sky Patrol member flipped up the visor, revealing a sharp, handsome face. “Officer Watts at your service. I’ll be helping you get down today. Any address in particular?” His voice was fuzzy through the bubble, but Serena could still tell that he had a bright, smooth tenor. Officer Watts sounded straight out of a famous old musical, and he embodied the rom-com hero’s boyish confidence and sky-born freewheeling too. It was in the slant of his hips, despite his straight, solid torso, and in his white teeth and long, casual limbs.
Serena cleared her throat and glanced back at William, only to find him blushing dark red and hastily buttoning up his shirt. She sighed and faced the officer. “Three-Forty-Two Valence, please. Both of us.”
Officer Watts saluted, still grinning, and lifted his hands. They pulsed a bright yellow, and then a white, blinding streak struck the bubble. The soap film tore like a popping balloon, ripping with a noise that hurt Serena’s eardrums, and then she and William were in freefall. He flailed in the air, turning over and over, front to back to side, clothes still in disarray. Serena turned gracefully onto her stomach and spread her limbs out, letting the billow of her clothes slow her down.
Because he was not a fool, Officer Watts caught William first. Wrapping an arm around William’s torso, he slowed the fall, and then raced to catch Serena, his bright orange outfit striking against the blue ocean below. His arm pulled her into his side, and immediately, the wind rushed to cushion them.
The deceleration was both thrilling and reassuring. They stayed fast for a time, but Serena felt the softening rush of wind as it blew through her hair, and she noticed the lengthening time she had to peer into skyscraper windows throughout the descent. They hit ground at a perfect, walking pace, and though William stumbled, Serena landed on her toes in a neat prance. She stepped three times to wear off the momentum, and then pivoted to face Officer Watts.
“Thank you for the rescue, sir,” she said, with an elegant tilt of her head.
William stuttered out the same.
Officer Watts waved, still floating, and grinned. He winked at William, and the blushing started up again. Then he patted his pockets and flushed as well. “Oh, before I forget,” he said, a little breathless, “I have to sign a proof of delay form for you, right?”
“Yes please,” Serena replied.
From a mysterious pocket of his bodysuit, Officer Watts produced a small pad of delay forms. Most likely, the suit had no real pockets, but instead had been sewn with a pocket dimension attached to the seams of the pant legs. Bulging pockets would make the Sky Patrol less aerodynamic.
Serena’s hypothesis was proven when Officer Watts frowned and shoved his hand further into the seam of his suit. His hand disappeared entirely, and then half his forearm. It looked a little strange.
He swallowed. “Do either of you have a pen? I, uh, seem to have misplaced mine.”
This was the issue with pocket dimensions, Serena thought. She pulled her pen out and handed it, non-writing-end first, to the officer. He took it with a roguish, endearing smile. Yes, Officer Watts was very much a rom-com musical hero.
He filled out the time of rescue and signed the two forms, and then looked up. “What time were you first trapped?”
“Twelve-thirty,” Serena answered.
Repeating the answer under his breath, Officer Watts completed the forms and then tore them from his pad. When he handed them to William, they were still a little stuck together. “Well, it was a pleasure assisting you today.” He grinned at William. “Get these to your office’s emergency filing people, and they can handle the missed pay and court charge forwarding process.”
“Um, thanks,” William squeaked.
And then, with a crackle of lightning and a gust of wind, Officer Watts shot back into the sky.
Serena pulled her hair from its plait and ran a hand through it, staring up at the sky with a small frown.
“Are you okay?” William asked. He was still red in the face, and sweating, and his hair was so tangled it looked like a bramble bush.
Pursing her lips, Serena fingered the lonely pencil in her pocket and strained to see Officer Watt’s bright orange suit. “He took my pen.”
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Omg, using photosynthesis to generate oxygen-- 0.0 that is so handy when you're trapped in a magic soap bubble xD
I can't believe I haven't read your writing before, because it is just fabulous. I love all the unique magic you have, and the combination with modern cities is !!! incredible. Seconding Dreamy here-- this is like a breath of fresh air. =D
Also, the contrast between these two lines:
Absolutely amazing. =PP
I want a pocket dimension ;-;
How rude. >.> (Also, like, do people get stuck in magic soap bubbles often?? This city has a whole Sky Patrol and seems very prepared to rescue said stuck people XD)
Anyways, I love the casual, modern magic and the moments of humor in this piece. Your writing style feels so sleek and polished, yet engaging, and all I can say is that I'm going to have to snoop through your portfolio for more! XD Keep writing! <3
Omg thanks!! Honestly I've basically scrapped this into my LMS project so I probably won't do more with it but it's always nice to hear what yall think.
Hey, Ventomology! Dreamy here for a short review.
I saw the second chapter of this story in the Green Room and I thought it was only fair to give the first chapter a quick read before I review the second, and boy, did I make a good decision. I absolutely adored this. This was cute and squishy and just... feel good. I didn't know fantasies could do that! They're almost always about dragons and castles and more dragons! Whew, this was a breath of fresh air.
I already love William. I'm imaging him as long-haired Harry Styles or Tom Holland. I love how clumsy and shy and almost breathless he's written, as opposed to calm and collected Serena.
There is something I'd like to point out to you:
Casual limbs?! I understand what you're going for but it just felt weird reading it. haha
When people say,"gimme me all the deets" I think this is what they mean. I like how subtly detailed this was.
I also understand and love how you didn't info dump here, I mean, we don't get much about their "situation". This chapter worked as an introduction of the characters rather than how they got where they are. And how easily the magic was introduced. Though I felt like you could have said a little bit more about how William's magic worked in helping them getting out? Or how Officer Watt found them? (I'm guessing his magic had something to do with that.) You know, that was the only thing that I felt was missing while I was reading this.
Overall, I think you've got a decent story and I cannot wait to read more.
Keep up the good job! Keep writing!
Cheers!
Wow, this is the beginning of an awesome story!
I love how you begin the story, the opening sentence was unique as well as humorous. The world building is fascinating, with the vivid description, it painted a clear picture of a futuristic fantasy world. Reading the genre name, I expected a medieval world, or epic fantasy, but this is totally different and I really enjoyed it.
It totally caught me off guard when it was mentioned Serena was trapped inside a bubble. I didn't see it coming at all. I like Serena's attitude, she doesn't seem even a little worried that they're gonna run out of air. She chooses to sketch the landscape instead. I can tell she's going to be my favorite character in this story. William's photosynthesis power was really unique, and the idea that he wants to be like those plants he grew up with is truly beautiful.
The way he gets flushed when Officer Watts shows up is kinda cute (help I'm starting to ship these two haha). The three characters you introduced in this chapter were quite intriguing. I'm now really curious to know more about them, and the world they live in. Will officer Watts show up again to return Serena's pen?
Overall , I really enjoyed every aspect of it and really really wish you update soon!
Have a good day/night and happy writing!!
Thank you!
“And she was stuck in a giant magic soap bubble, floating high above the city skyline.”
I love this line. You go from a (literal )typical Tuesday and jump right into something whimsical. It gives you a feeling of this isn’t the most abnormal problem in the realm of this story.
“Unlike her coworker, William, who had gotten stuck in the bubble with her, Serena had accepted the fact of the bubble:”
Another reaffirming line that helps you accept the whimsical.
“She bestowed upon him a small, airy hum.”
Does a good job of telling about the character without actually talking about the character. It sets the tone of this scene and is honestly a fun sentence to read.
“As if it brought her great melancholy, she turned away from the cityscape to look at him. Her perfectly made-up face fit into an almost pout. “There is nothing to do,” she said. “We have no safe means of escape, and someone will come get us eventually.””
Again great way of showing the reader who she is and what she’s like. Also, Love so far of this honestly. You have a beautiful way of describing things. And I already feel like I know this character well after being not too far in. The calmness she has in the situation make it feel like something fairly normal that one person would panic about and another one wouldn’t. Something like a child scraping their knee something that someone could make a big deal out of and someone wouldn’t. The only problem with this example is it’s pretty mild compared to the overall feeling of this situation. The fact that she’s not worried about being late to work gives you the feeling she’d be calm pretty much no matter what.
“Like a ballet dancer doing port de bras, Serena lifted her arm and checked her watch. It was a very elegant watch, with a thin black band, a black face, and a thin metallic circle keeping the glass in place. “I’m sure we have at least an hour before carbon dioxide poisoning begins.””
The time you take to describe everything also helps to show the lack of urgency the character feels despite being in a pretty urgent situation. Also, everything you’ve used to describe Serena points to sophistication and overall intelligence for this character. I applaud you for this.
““An hour?!” William screeched. “That’s nothing!”
Because it would be clunky to shrug in this situation, Serena instead gave a smooth twist of her wrist, in a ‘moving on’ motion. “You have magic, correct?””
I honestly love everything about this scene, you earned a chuckle. Good job at normalizing magic instead of it slapping the face of your realm. Also putting the pristine nearing pretentious character with an average feeling character is always a good way to get you to like the character. It’s what makes sherlock a wacky friend character instead of a psychotic crazy character. It’s easier to love a friend of a friend over a stranger. The panic character is what makes the scenario in a way relatable and not too tacky.
““Yes,” William grunted, pounding a fist against the bubble. “But it’s plant magic, not flight or combat or anything that will get us out of here.” He rubbed his cheek against the soap film in sorrow. “It’s not even that cool or flashy. I photosynthesize. All it does is help me save on food expenses.”
With a put-out sigh, Serena lifted part of her torso to purse her lips at William. “You passed high school biology, no?”
“Ugh, obvious— Oh.”
Face reddening, William slowly turned over onto his back, slumping into the curves of the bubble, like Serena. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up his sleeves, pulling back the pinstriped fabric to reveal tan, slightly green skin along his forearms and chest. He rolled his slacks to his knees and propped his feet on the curve of the bubble, showing his green shins to the sun.”
Another great scene demonstrating the intelligence of Serena. Also, the thought that plant powers would save you on food expenses I found hilarious. Honestly, this has been fun reading. Just the little details of him being tan and whatnot add to the normalness of the situation. It makes the situation feel like a traffic jam of sorts.
“ and pulled her miniature sketchbook from her back pocket and her pencil from her front pocket. Then she turned back to the city below and laid out the lines.
The city of Agora stretched out for miles. The downtown curved along the shore of a still, cerulean bay, disrupted only by a tidy white beach tucked between two piers. “
I also applaud this transition. Felt 100% natural and normal. Kept the scene from history textbook sounding exposition. I love all the description and the opening description just felt like a whimsical sensical story. Yes, I know those sound contradicting but it reminded me of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy or the Little Prince. When the nonsense is the essence of the realm.
“Serena lightly suggested the soft, rhythmic waves that interlaced with the piers, sure to mark in the shadow of the big barge cruising into harbor. “
A beautiful description of drawing, makes you feel the piece instead of just watching it. Honestly loved this line.
“The inky outlines of buildings and concrete docks followed.”
I’m clapping at the fact you managed to describe both the actual place and the drawing without it feeling forced. Also before going any further are her powers associated with her ability to draw? Is it a specific pen (maybe the one she’s using) or would any writing utensil work? Way to get me asking questions according to what I already know about this universe! That is good writing folks.
“She glanced over at William, who’d fallen asleep with his photosynthesis still going. He might not be flashy or powerful or combat-ready, but William knew his magic well. It lived in his cells and glowed under his skin, not just an energy he could call on, but an integral, physical part of his body. And it was beautiful, too, in the way that an old, massive, knotted tree is beautiful, or in the way that tiny plant tendrils poking out of the earth are beautiful. William was nature, and people who saw knew it.”
I love this description, honestly. Everything just flows. Do I smell romance building? Just me ok I’ll stop. Either way, the adoration is there…
“Sometimes, Serena wished she had magic.”
A plot twist that wasn’t really a plot twist because it was twisting something that you just assumed… Still kinda startled me, in a good way don’t worry. Kudos to you for subtly. Also, I love the way the plant magic is formed. It makes it feel more earned and less given.
“The Sky Patrol member flipped up the visor, revealing a sharp, handsome face. “Officer Watts at your service. I’ll be helping you get down today. Any address in particular?” His voice was fuzzy through the bubble, but Serena could still tell that he had a bright, smooth tenor. Officer Watts sounded straight out of a famous old musical, and he embodied the rom-com hero’s boyish confidence and sky-born freewheeling too. It was in the slant of his hips, despite his straight, solid torso, and in his white teeth and long, casual limbs.”
Love how detailed everything is and how you can almost feel the character from there appearance.
““Thank you for the rescue, sir,” she said, with an elegant tilt of her head.
William stuttered out the same.”
Honestly, I think I’ve already covered what I love that you’re doing. Keep doing it.
“From a mysterious pocket of his bodysuit, Officer Watts produced a small pad of delay forms. Most likely, the suit had no real pockets, but instead had been sewn with a pocket dimension attached to the seams of the pant legs. Bulging pockets would make the Sky Patrol less aerodynamic.”
I love how normal everything feels. Good job!
Ok honestly I loved reading this I feel like I’ve already gone into depth of what I really liked reading this. I would go with a slightly different opening line. Something just slightly more grabbing. You could even add a line about where Serena went to work and just make it slightly abnormal so your reader goes wait what and keeps reading. But honestly, that’s all I have to add. Loved reading this and hope to hear more!
Sorry didn't mean to make it that long... Just well done overall.
No worries! I'm glad you liked it.