Heya, Vent! Before we get started, I just want to say that I absolutely loved this chapter. It's definitely my favourite one so far.
Small Comments
The undead fish flap on the ground like a hundred children patting their legs as fast as they can.
This simile feels pretty obscure. It doesn't make me think 'aha, exactly!', because how often do a hundred children pat their legs quickly? I'm sure there's a better sound you could liken it to.
In front of him stretches a grid ofpinksalt fields. Some are pastel [pink], others are deep magenta, and others are deep, dark blue.
It feels incongruous to suggest that all of the salt fields are pink only to then say that some are dark blue. Lovely description though.
Petro is so glad he doesn't have any cuts on his feet. If he did, he'd probably be squawking in pain right now.
I kind of think that this description would be richer if he did have cuts on his feet, and he was actually hissing and spitting in pain. After all that walking, he's likely to be a bit blistered, right? And Lady Mysterio is right that the salt should aggravate his sunburn.
Their dead eyes
Its dead eyes
I'm probably just being finicky, but I didn't like that this description cropped up twice in such quick succession. You could easily substitute one for 'blank eyes' or 'glassy eyes' or something.
Overall Thoughts
The end of this chapter is so perfectly eerie, with the dead heron flying overhead! I love that Petro is clearly perturbed by it, but not in a nonplussed way. He treats the undead like an accepted fact of life, even if he is grossed out by it. I love that. It's so surreal and original and strange, the idea that all of these fish are preserved in saltwater, dead but still flapping around. This is the sort of richness of world-building that I was looking for, because it shows us how subtly this world deviates from our own. Your description was on point, as well - I could picture the scene and the colour, and how thick the water was with salt granules, and the sound of the fish flapping and slapping in the fields. It completely engrossed me from start to finish.
The metal box is clearly significant, but I'm glad you took the opportunity to demonstrate Petro's character by having him ignore it. Finally a character I can relate to! It's kind of refreshing to see a protagonist (albeit a joint one) who doesn't run headlong towards unexplained phenomena and risk launching themselves into danger. It makes him a lot more real, even if his passiveness could be a tricky think to temper as the story progresses. Still, you've got Ming to be a foil to him.
I am still itching to know the significance of this task and what he and Ming are being tested on, because it doesn't seem like they've been given hugely dangerous missions. Bringing back a dead fish is gross, but not that difficult. That said, I'm not actually sure how old Ming and Petro are, so if they're fairly young, maybe the expedition is about them demonstrating their independence out in the wilderness more than anything else. I can't wait to find out a little more.
So, overall, no complaints for this chapter. I loved reading it, and I think you kept the pacing and the description in perfect balance. I'm so fascinated by the world they're in, now more than ever. I can't wait for the next bit.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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