Young Writers Society

Oh my. I thought this poem was very beautiful. I loved your choice of words, the imagery and I liked the fact that it was short. It's one really cute poem that really points out the meaning of love.

I'm looking forward to more of your work. ^^ Great job, keep it up!
*clicks gold star*

Thank you very much!!!
Again, I'm still suprised that this has gotten such a welcome!
xx

I must admit that this is a beautiful piece of work. Short but worth a read. the punctuation is quite good and they give your poem good flow.
I love the powerful beggining and in its own nice way it leaves a lot to be desired. the description and comparisons are also amazing. Congratulations.

Hey

That was beautiful!

I ecspecially like the lines

Love is the tender war that leaves a blissful mess;
The more you give away the more you possess...

Hah, thanks tab13, but tell me what's the point of requoting the whole poem? I already know what I wrote!

i absolutely loved it...nice way to explain what love it

Velvet.whispers wrote:Love is the spring that never runs dry,
Even when it's burning.
Love is the only truthful lie:
The one secret worth learning.
Love is a phoenix reborn from its ashes,
A singing nightingale batting its lashes.
Love is the tender war that leaves a blissful mess;
The more you give away the more you possess...

Gee thanks WhiteTiger93

Incredible. From the moment I started this that was all I could think. It's beautiful and truthful. Once more I repeat, incredible.

hey there...

your poem looks good. it's just that when i read it, the puntuation marks, the commas, the semicolon seems to disturb the flow of reading it. you intended for it to be like an endless cycle right? (i think i read that somewhere here). perhaps you could minimize that kind of stuff.

some people commented that last line where you end with "......" that seems okay if that's the kind of intention you would want to put/convey in your poem

Thanks to all for the reviews and gold stars!!
I have to say I'm rather surprised that this seems to be what has been most appreciated among everything that I've posted, because it really is one of my less original works.
As for little_miss_obsessed, i really couldn't homogenise the rhyming scheme, or this would really become much too traditional for me to claim it's authorship!

this is adorable.

this is adorable.
only problem i have is that it confuses me when someone doesnt use the same constant rhyme scheme throughout a poem (with the exception of free verse, which your poem here is not.) e.g. how you went ABABCCDD. try moving some lines around and rewording a few things so that the rhyme scheme is all clean and neat and the same.

I loved this! There was great imagery. I could see it all. You had a great use of metaphors and similes. It was very true to who love is at times. Great Job. This has potential. In my opinion you could even make this a little longer. Again, it was great. I did not see to many mistakes. It deserves a gold star. (clicks gold star)

I thought this poem really does tell what love really is like.

*same here*

*also clicks star*

*clicks star*

To Pgsgirl7 and iCarlyfan, read Keats and you'll understand that anglophone poetry is not about reality or what "makes sense", but about what manages to create a mental image, an evocation, a sudden understanding, precisely through the association of words that don't make sense!!!

Velvet.whispers wrote:Love is the spring that never runs dry,
Even when it's burning.
Love is the only truthful lie:
The one secret worth learning.
Love is a phoenix reborn from its ashes, This line kind of ruins the rhythm, maybe Love is a phoenix born from its ashes
A singing nightingale batting its lashes. Birds don't have eyelashes do they? So this is confusing, maybe use a different animal, like A singing 'Cat?' batting its lashes or maybe rule out singing and use a different verb?
Love is the tender war that leaves a blissful mess;
The more you give away the more you possess...

Velvet.whispers wrote:Love is the spring that never runs dry,
Even when it's burning.

Hi, Whispers! Music here.

Love is the spring that never runs dry,
Even when it's burning.
Love is the only truthful lie:
The one secret worth learning. I love this line. Heck, I loved all of the lines, but this was perfect.
Love is a phoenix reborn from its ashes,
A singing nightingale batting its lashes.
Love is the tender war that leaves a blissful mess;
The more you give away, the more you possess... Wonderful poem!

Hey there! First off, welcome to YWS. Comments are in bold, 'kay?

Velvet.whispers wrote:Love is the spring that never runs dry, I think it'd have more of an effect if Love was italicized. That said, it's still a fantastic opening.
Even when it's burning. Oh, my God. This is the absolutely perfect metaphor. Love is heat, passion. It burns through you and it hurts, but it's like an eternal candle. True love never ends.
Love is the only truthful lie:
The only secret worth learning. I agree with Evi. The repetition of only here is a little amateur-ish. Find a different word. The only one I can think of is the French equivalent (seulement), but it wouldn't fit. xD
Love is a phoenix reborn from it's ashes; I like how you keep with the fire theme; the burning in the second line and the ashes here. Great extended metaphor.
A singing nightingale batting its lashes.
Love is the tender war that leaves a blissful mess;
The more you give away, the more you possess... Again, I agree with Evi. A full stop would have more effect.

Wow, those spelling mistakes are absolutely shameful, i think that's my cue to go to bed!! I'm glad you enjoyed this, the punctuation of the last verse is a choice both for the comma and the suspension dots (that is I believe the official grammatical terminology!): I wanted the shape of the poem to reflect this never-ending cycle of boundless love: there is no finality to love, so none to the poem!
I very much like your interpretation of the first couple of verses, I hadn't quite considered it that way!
xx

Hey Whispers! Love the username, by the way. And welcome to YWS! *throws confetti*

You have no idea how much I love short poems, dear. It means I can delve straight into them and decipher every line. My first suggestion, however, is to un-capitalize your title. It's rather distracting, and surely unnecessary. You want your poem's amazingness to speak for itself, without our eyes being drawn to it because you put the title in Caps.

Love is the spring that never runs dry,
Even when it's burning.

Love is the only truthful lie:
The only secret worth learning.

Love is a phoenix reborn from [s]it's[/s] [its] ashes;
A singing nightingale batting it's [its] lashes.

Love is the tender war that leaves a blissful mess;
The more you give away [comma here] the more you possess...