I.
Facing death brings out the best and worst in men.
Some choose to fight, they choose to live forever.
Others choose despair, fear and anger; they choose nightless sleeps of psychic agony, melancholy hours and chaotic void.
Some die laughing, others have been long dead already and should no longer fear.
II.
If fate is a prerequisite, a choice must come.
They die as they were born, with a smile or a scowl.
Some choose consciousness, others choose nothing.
Mors ut rosa amoena est
Why does the eternal lover blush as she presses to her heart these sweetly pantine corpses?
III.
There are some, there are others.
But all end beautiful, valiant in a virtual pride's modesty.
All outshine the gemmed bosom in which they lie.
For are we not men?
Are we not folly?
Are we not gods?
IV.
At the very last moment, when exuberance perishes,
The fire that atrociously burns must be the greatest pleasure of all:
Knowing one last time.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I could not help but feel rather giddy reading this. Are you by chance a fan of Oscar Wilde's plays? I could not help but feel traces and echoes of his rhetoric here and there~ (if you were to ask me to point them out, I would- in all honesty- be hopelessly lost). Death is indeed an interesting concept; moreover, the choice it elicits. Have you heard of the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre? He had something quite interesting in regards to free will and the inevitability of life's fated death.
Isn't he quite humorous? A choice to smile or smirk! We are condemned to choose! Our fated death condemns us to choice! Our life condemns us to death! So are we all but condemned beings? How vulgar and perverse. I suppose one would need to quite arrogance to laugh such a tragic end. Perhaps being enlightened of the tragedy lead the fated hero to madness! "' 'Tis blessed to be ignorant," or was it "ignorance is bliss?" It matters not I suppose! Perhaps if we lived life not knowing the finality of the contract, we could in fact be free from choosing! How grim a thought!!
I digress, forgive me. A nice piece of writing. A touch of abstract, but not too much. I like the idea of death condemning man to choose. I understand this wasn't addressing that idea straight on, but the idea has been a keen interest of mine. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? Thus, I find the piece to be quite beautiful. Thank you.
Hey! Yes it is suppose to be one poem that gains momentum by adding the seperate bits together, Keats does this quite a lot as do other poets x
Hi Velvet! Great name, by the way.
I believe we haven't met before. I'm Kat, nice to meet you (:D) and I will review this piece.
First line: Comma after death. A very used line, if I must say. A bit cliche, dear.
Second line: It's awkwardly worded. Try like: 'Those who choose to fight, choose to live forever,' or something like that.
Third line:You should break it down. Lines that are more than a line long, are awful in a poem, because they're too long, and will ruin your flow. Brake after 'anger' and after 'agony'. Keep the commas. There should be a space between 'night' and 'less'.
Forth line: Again, too long when compared to the above. Brake it after 'dead' and cut out the 'already'. It doesn't fit the lines.
'Pantine' should be 'pantene'. Brake the last line; it's too long: it ruins your flow. Also, very creepy-esh.
'Al' should be 'all'. 'Lie' should be 'lay'.
The repetition is good, expect of the word 'for. Cut it in the fifth and sixth lines.
Don't capitalize 'the'. Comma after 'fire'.
Overall: This was a good read. I dare say I appreciated it very much. But they don't seem related. Are they four sepparate poems or parts of only one? Keep up the good work!
Feel free to PM me if you need anything!
*Kat*
Oh, sorry I have work to do! I'll finish it later, ok?
*Kat*