Published November 3, 2010
This tells you who you are
Will you bear it in Pride or in Shame,
Badge or Label, Red Cross or Yellow Star?
Darling, it’s your name.
So as I sew it onto your clothes I wonder,
Little Boy, what will you do with this title?
Will it be your banner on the fields yonder?
Or will it stay oh so little?
It’s all about sense of identity,
Will your grandchildren carry it like a treasure?
Or will you let it fade into eternity?
What will you do with your future?
Will you work all day for a man that doesn’t know your name,
Or will you give to this title its due fame?
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,396 Reviews
Lovely.
I wonder how you came up with this one. What inspired you?
I agree with LaurynMitchell on the second stanza. Maybe replace little with another word?
All in all, a lovely poem.
Hey there! So, I really enjoyed this poem. You have a good concept and I got a strong mental image of a mother sewing clothes for her baby in a cradle. The only thing I want to point out is the end of the second stanza:
I'm not sure what it is . . . something just seems a little off. Overall, though, I think it's a pretty solid poem. Nice work
~Lauryn
Wazzup? OK, so here's my take on this...
I actually really like this. The first stanza was my favorite; it was really powerful and had a good rhythm to it. The other parts were still good even though they weren't as good, and I'm not sure I liked where you finished it at all. But that's just me. Either way, whether you revise it or not, I like it.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver