Published October 2, 2010
The full moon shines bright
Stars gaze down
No clouds around
A light mist of rain
Under a big willow tree
I Touch her face and looked
in her beautiful round eyes
I see everything I could only wish to have
Her soul as pure as the Heavens are bright
I lean forward and touch my lips to hers
what a beautiful night to have a more perfect kiss
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,335 Reviews
I also agree with this.
I agree with this.
I keep feeling that you have something missing. Your ideas are great but you don't seem to describe them in the best way. I again advise you to enhance your vocabulary and use a simple touch of vagueness between your lines. That can hopefully make your poems and stories breath-taking. Overall, it was a touching sincere poem. Good job.
I like it. The romance is gorgeous. The night sounds like it was a perfect night. But there are some things i feel could have been better. When I was forming the picture in my head, I didn't feel like I was there. Was it dark? Just because the moon was out doesn't mean it was dark. Where was this "willow tree"? What did it look like? Was it in the middle of no where? Was it in the forest? Was it in your neighborhood? Were you and you're female companion pressed up against the trunk of the tree? Did the both of you climb up in the tree? Did any of the rain touch your face? how did it feel on your face if it did? Were there people around? Or were you so engaged into the soft touch of her cherry flavored lips, that you were unaware of your surroundings? What color were her beautiful round eyes? Did you run your fingers through her hair as you kissed her? Was her hair long? Was her hair short? Was her hair blonde? Was her hair brunette?
OOOOOOHHH! Thanks Lady Purple!
Solv, the mistake was that Veiy wrote "In the her beautiful round eyes" It doesn't sound right. Like it seems like it should say something like: In her beautiful round eyes.
But He changed it now I think so no harm done.
Hi again NewHero! Sorry I am showing my nose where nobody call me but could you... tell me what the mistake is... I just can NOT see it! o____O and I read it like a hundred times!
Thank you!
I think there was a mistake here.
Hey Veiyloxx. I'm here to review. I thoguht the top line was weird because it says "In her beautiful round eyes" I think you might've missed that iwhen writing this. The rest of the poem is actually my favorite. This is a really sweet poem. I hope you write more sometime.
~Ladypurple.