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Young Writers Society



Sinking

by Vegas.Lights


Untitled

Who knew that something so simple
could blow so far out of proportion...
I never saw this coming,
no, I did see this coming.
I saw it from the beginning.
I just chose to ignore it
to ignore all the signs

And now here I am...
Falling, drowning, sinking.
I can't even see the light
I'm in too deep.

It will be a while before
Before I can get things back
to what they were
Why did I do this?
This was all my fault,
but I don't want to face it
Running seems so inviting

Where's the silver lining?
Where's the light at the end?
I have used up my good luck
Leaving me here,
I'm all alone and terrified
Of what is to come.

And now here I am...
Falling, drowning, sinking.
I can't even see the light
I'm in too deep.

It will be a while before
Before I can get things back
to what they were
Why did I do this?
This was all my fault,
but I don't want to face it
Running seems so inviting

Somehow, someway,
I need to sort this out
Fix what I have broken.
I need to pull myself up
Just remember to
Think positive,
think positive,
think positive.

And now here I am...
Falling, drowning, sinking.
I can't even see the light
I'm in too deep.

It will be a while before
Before I can get things back
to what they were
Why did I do this?
This was all my fault,
but I don't want to face it
Running seems so inviting

Take this away form me,
there's no way I can get
Out on my own.

There will come a time
Where I can look back
and learn from my stupidity
Nothing I have now,
Is worth what I'm forced to deal with.

It will be a while before
Before I can get things back
to what they were
Why did I do this?
This was all my fault,
but I don't want to face it
Running seems so inviting

I will pull myself up
Swim to the surface
and learn to fly
It can happen
but time needs to take it's course
Before I can get back to where I was.

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701 Reviews

Points: 10087
Reviews: 701

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Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:23 am
bubblewrapped wrote a review...



Hi there, welcome to YWS! You've made a good start with this poem; I like the concept, although I think it would benefit from a bit more punctuation and a little less length overall. Before I get fully into my critique, however, I'd just like to remind you of the site rules (see HERE for more info). YWS has a 2:1 review ratio policy, which means in part that we ask new members to please leave critiques of at least two works by other authors before they post their own pieces here. That way, you get a feel for the place and you get more posting points, so that you can explore and post in other forums. So before you post any more of your poems here, we'd appreciate it if you could take a look around and comment on some of the pieces you enjoy. Thanks!

If you have any questions or need help with anything at all, feel free to PM me or one of the other mods (we're the ones in green) or instructors (purple) and we'll be happy to help you out. Look forward to seeing you around!

Cheers,
~bubbles





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