Young Writers Society

Hey! Classy here for a review!

I really liked it. I agree with the above. This moves at a great pace. I can see a story unfolding. Are you having trouble with this?

I'm a bit confused, but that will probably all be explained later.

I'm not sure if this is a good beginning. We have no idea what is going on, or who these people are. I like movies/shows that start right in the action, but usually there is a main character established first before any of the action begins. What I mean by this is that your MC is usually shown in his/her normal environment, and then taken out of it into adventure. I don't really see that here. If you're having trouble with this, that is what you might want to work on.

Questions/comments, PM me.

Classy

Hiya there! So since this says "scene 1" I'm going to assume this is the beginning of the movie, or TV show, or whatever it is intended to be. Like I said, I don't know much about script format, I know stage play format much better, but perhaps you need a character listing like in stage plays? You may want to look that up. A character listing usually has names and descriptions, which especially helps the readers (editors in a professional setting) understand who the characters are when they show up. You don't tell us everything, but a bit of how they look, a bit about their personality and back story. For example you wouldn't tell us a major character is blind in the asides [these things] you'd say it in their descriptions.

Since this is the beginning of the script, I think you're rushing into things. I don't know any of the acronyms or other things you're referring to, I don't know any of the characters, I have no idea what is going on. It's intense and suspenseful... but the suspense kind of dies because I don't know what's going on and therefore I have no reason to care about it. You first need to set us into the scene, the characters, the situation before you can throw things like this at us. I know some movies start in medias res, or "in the middle of things", but it doesn't always work out, and in this case I don't think it works. You say you're going to give up if this one doesn't work - maybe you just need to think of a different place to begin the plot line.

Good luck! I hope this helped!

Great Pace. This is a scene full of tension from what I can tell, so pace would be important. Tension is presented well, too. There is also foreshadowing that is used effectively. An interesting read, makes the audience want to know what happens next, thanks to the effective use of techniques and the good story line.