Young Romance

by Vandria

Published August 7, 2009

The air outside was warm. Red and orange leaves danced soundlessly across the ground in the breeze. Twigs were strewn endlessly around the parking lot of the high school. Broken or not, techer tripped on them. Small translucent clouds were floating on the vastblue sky above. People raced down the sidewalk, in a hurry to get to the fall festival.

Inside a small, red brick house, Chloe was getting slowly dressed for another day at school. Her red sheets lay in a tangled heap on her bed. She pulled her long, black hair out of her black and gray checkered hoodie. She looked into her mirror and frowned. She applied a light shade of purple eyeliner and pulled on a pair of her jeans. Though they were a bit baggy. Looking down, Chloe realised she had on a pair of her boyfriends jeans. She shrugged and slipped into her black high-top converse.

On her way outside, Chloe grabbed a skateboard. On the bottom of the board, a hand-drawn dragon skeleton stood with a black and purple backround. She held the skateboard in her hand and walked outside. Across the street, Shannon was writing on his wrist with a sharpie. He looked rushed.

Chloe ran across the road and held the present behind her back.

"Hey cutie." She half smiled and looked up at Shannon's icy blue eyes. Her brown eyes looked so dull compaired to hers. Shannon quickly put the sharpie away and smiled.

"Good morning Chloe." He leaned into her and seemed to melt in her arms. Pulling back, Shannon kissed her lightly. "Happy Autumn." He chuckled and put his arms on Chloe's shoulders. Her curved his wrist so he could resight his poem that he wrote just then. Chloe pretended to be oblivious, but she knew he never spent alot of time on gifts.

"Roses may be red,

And violets are surely blue,

But no flower poem,

Can say my feelings for you."

Chloe smiled. Shannon always knew how to be romantic. He continued.

"I know we are young,

So I can't propose,

Instead of a ring,

I present you with this rose."

Out of his sleeve, Shannon pulled a slightly wilted red rose. Chloe took it.

"Aw. You're so sweet." She kissed him quickly. "It sure beats what I got you." She slowly pulled the skateboard from behind her back. She flashed the dragon. "I drew it myself." She smiled weakly.

"It's magnificent." Shannon took the skateboard. He suddenly felt bad for hardly spending any time on her gift. He admired her drawing. "I really love it." Shannon hugged Chloe for a few seconds, smelling her pomagranit perfume. He pulled back and noticed her jeans. He laughed. "Again?"

"You were the one who left them." Chloe pointed out. She giggled and took his hand. They headed off to school, almost matching in an aray of blacks and grays.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
pudin.junidf
Review
pudin.junidf wrote a review Review · Aug 7, 2009

Hello!!
this is a well written piece, it has its flaws but it's a nice beggining. The story was somehow cute but there was very little decription about the characters and I would have liked to know more about their apperance. Now the spelling, I saw very few mistakes in the spelling and grammar.

vastblue sky above

you have to separate vast from blue.


Her brown eyes looked so dull compaired to hers

so, I think that in this sentence you were referring to Shannon's eyes so it should have been his instead of hers.

And that's basically all found. I liked this piece and I hope you keep writing.

Pudin

User avatar
Vandria
Comment
Vandria commented Comment · Aug 7, 2009

Thank you!
I read that you saw no mistakes...Is that in grammar too? I forgot to use spellcheck, therefore alot of things went bad. :)
But thanks again for the review!

Random avatar
jessie2009
Review
jessie2009 wrote a review Review · Aug 7, 2009

Wow. I really liked it! Are you writing more? I would really like to read more. I didn't see any mistakes, But HEY! I suckk at that. your a good writer and I would LOVE to read more. So if you write any more then please message me or what ever. And if you don't I'll be looking for more of your stories... aha. Well bye!

--Jessie.



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)