If I Were Juliet

I feel like you could really add on to this, using more detail and descriptive wording. The only big, glowing errors I really see are your spacing and word choice, so I'm going to go through the poem and just move some of the lines around, nothing major.

"If I were Juliet, ( I did this because I feel that it keeps the reader going down the lines, keeps them entertained)

I would have chosen Paris.

Fickle Romeo spoke of love but passions never last.

Love is hard.
Love is work. (Two sentences never go in the same line, also I would add a describing word in front of work, like endless.)

It is not the magical moment when your eyes meet across a room.

It is not words of love spoken in the darkness.

These things shine,

But not everything that shines is gold. (Reason: Same as first line)

He would have stayed,

I would have lived (,) (Adding a comma here would really help with the flow)

If I had chosen Paris."

Hi Valerye,

I love the concept of your poem! I'm not a huge fan of Romeo and Juliet, and this is a take on the story I haven't previously come in contact with. Their relationship was the definition of whirlwind and while I don't know that Paris would have been a good husband you do wonder about how much better off she would have been.

In terms of the poem itself, I would have loved to see a bit more imagery. Imagery would really have pushed your poem from okay to great. What I mean by this is that while I can empathise with what you're saying cause I also find romeo and juliet a bit silly, you'll need to convince everyone else that they should believe. We get a lot of that belief from the words you use to convince us. Lighten and add interest to your poem by including inagery and description.

Otherwise your poem reads a little stiffly, which is about the rhythm of the lines. Adding the above will help that and give the poem a stronger sense of conclusion at the end.

I'm looking forward to see what you might do to change this. Please let me know if you alter it! Thanks for posting.

-Penguin

Hey hey! I'm here for a review! I've gotta be honest it's been a while since I've done one of these, but hey it's better than nothing .

First, I would like to talk about the overall idea. Having read Shakespeare's tragic Romeo and Juliet love story I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. I think that often times Romeo and Juliet is pictured as a fairy tale to uninformed people full of love and affection, but when I read it sure there was romance but the ending really left me with a sour taste. The reason I thought Juliet had died really came down to the simple concept of communication. So, that made me really intrigued to read more about your poem.

It looks like this is your first poem published on this site! I must say that for a newcomer to YWS it is quite nice and I am honored to be the first one to read it and review it. One of my favorite lines in this poem was,

" but not everything that shines is gold."

This really made me think and not just of the poem itself but of life in general. The way I interpret this line is that many events and words have the opportunity but some inevitability will fade and the light will no longer shine on them. But then there are those moments in life the shine and are as valuable as gold. These are the unforgettable memories that will never fade. I think that that line really just clicks with a lot of people. I mean it did with me.

I like the way you start it and end it. My AP Gov teacher always tells our class to "close the loop", make everything connect, and while he is not a English teacher he would be quite pleased with your ending. It flows very well, and I think that that is a major key in writing poetry that you seem to have down pat. So congrats!

Anyway, welcome to Young Writers Society! You are super talented and I am looking forward to reading more of your writing! Stay true to who you are and don;t change your style no matter what anyone may say! You have a gift.. keep using it! If you ever need anything don't be afraid to ask!

Stay Classy!

-Annaclare