Needle and Thread
Take a Needle and Thread
and sew through my head
Something that makes sense
in this world of disarray
Take away my dread
Take away my sorrow
Take away my pain
Take away my knowledge
Once you've done this
and all is well
My sweet empty Husk remains
So I'll take a train
and rest my head in death's sweet infinity.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Thanks!
And yeah, I get what you're saying with the needle and thread, it just flowed through when I wrote it like that. Thanks for the compliments and constructive criticism!
~UrWoRstNiGhtMarE
Hey! I love it! I have one nitpick.
Here, it becomes redundant. So, instead of saying "take away, take away, away..." say:
Take away my dread
my sorrow
my pain
my knowledge
so it lists it, but it's not redundant. It gets the point across:)
Hey. I really liked this. The only thing I am wary of, is that (to me at least) it didn't flow properly. When I read it, I was reading each line, and not letting it unravel. The first two lines worked, because they were rhyming, which made them connected. The third and fourth worked well with the first two, but then the feel for the poem completely changed. It could have worked well, but I don't think like this.
But other than that, I really like it. But this is just what I think, and others probably think differently. If you have any questions about what I said, feel free to PM me.
ziggiefred said that she didn't get the meaning. I think you ment to say that once all the pain is gone you are nothing. A husk. As for the structure of the poem and the way it sounds I love it. It shows tons of emotion. Wish I could have helped more.
A. S. ~ don’t pay any attention to me I am just pretending
Hi there
Maybe you can explain it to me.
I am sorry but I am not sure if I understand what you are aiming for here. But then again, I feel that there is deep emotion in this poem and what I grasp from it probably may not be what you are trying to convey. So, what you are telling 'whoever' is to sew through your head. But, from my understanding, when you sew something you seal it. How is 'whoever' going to take all the pain and knowledge and stuff if your head is sealed. Or, maybe what happens after the first two lines happened before your head was sewn? If that is the case then the poem sounds good. But do you get my confusion though? I like it though, I mean, the way I understand it.