Published February 23, 2011
I could never own you
Never possess what's
In her hands, what's hers
But I am yours
Unconsciously
Unwillingly
I am yours
I've always been
I belong to you
Like a toy,
A toy you embrace,
play with then
destroy
Simply a little toy
You dangle me around
Leave me hanging in
mid air
You love me when it
suits you
Then leave me on
the self
where cobwebs
gather and dust
collects
I sit there waiting
For when you'll
love me next
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
hey there,
Thank you very much for that. Made my day. And I will most definitely keep on writing.
I absolutely love this!
great imagery and well I don't have any critism XD
great write!
I liked this poem. I hate feeling like a toy. Keep writing!
Hi Upile. I hope you are enjoying the site so far. First I want to say that I love this poem, but it, like all writing can use improvement.
Nitpicks:
I love this because when I read this I felt so much emotion. Because this is the truth. Love is never even. There is always someone who loves less and obviously in this instance he is cheating on her? Anyway I think that the beginning of your poem is O.K., the middle is much better, and the ending is fabulous. The problem is, people in this day and age are fast moving. They give things a glance than look away. Your beginning should draw me in, but it doesn't. You have to have more than an ending that makes me want more. These are the lines I don't like:
As far as I'm concerned you could take these lines out, but I know they explain the poem the most. Another thing you could do is place these first lines somewhere else in the poem. I actually see a couple places you could stick it in. This would allow you to keep the lines.
Another thing I really like about this was the rhythm. The length and sway of your lines are perfect. I love the flow! Your lines are impact full and well chosen. Keep up the good work.
If you have any questions P.M. me!
Hope I helped,
A. S.
I like this a lot. Metaphorically it speaks to the audience. How faithful and patient some of us can all be when it comes to love. Romance and heartbreak come hand in hand unfortunately. But I thought this was beautiful
Great work!