Heart of Darkness - Three

Three

The boxes in the library yielded many clues. One of these clues was a stack of ancient looking leather bound journals. Each one had the initials C. D. M on the cover. Had these belong to Ciaran Du Mont at one point? Seamus and Quinn dragged the box containing them into a corner with a few comfortable chairs and began to leaf through them.Seamus was reading silently, his lips moving and his attention rapt. Quinn was searching for clues in what Ciaran had written. There were a few things he’d noticed already. Ciaran mentioned Brigid only in passing at first and never in a way that suggested that he loved her. He mentioned her flirting with him in town and how his father thought a match between them would be worthy of his time. But Ciaran himself hadn’t believed so. It seemed his heart already belonged to another.

Another person who came up often in the journals was Desmond Bothwell. As Quinn had suspected, the two men seemed to be very close. There were near constant mentions of things Desmond had told Ciaran or things they’d done together. Quinn was sure that the reason both families had been cursed lay in the friendship between Ciaran and Desmond. He just wasn’t sure what about their friendship had caused Brigid to curse the families. Had she been jealous of their friendship? Desmond and Ciaran seemed to be almost like brothers. They did everything together from the way Ciaran talked in his journals.

“Quinn, I found something.” Seamus’ voice was quiet.

“What is it?”

Seamus passed Quinn an ancient looking sheet of paper. Unfolding it, Quinn found a letter from Brigid to Ciaran. The letter was rather short and time had rendered it almost unreadable. What Quinn could read alluded to the fact that Ciaran had been in love with someone other than Brigid, someone of his own gender. She called him blasphemous and ended the letter by telling him he would regret hurting him. Quinn set the letter on the table and thought about it for a second. Ciaran had indeed been involved with Brigid but he’d abandoned her for someone of his own gender. Which meant that Ciaran had been attracted to men.

“According to what I could read of that letter, Ciaran was indeed involved with Brigid. He left her, however, for someone of his own gender.”

“Ciaran was attracted to men? It must not have been a widely known fact because Father never discovered this that I know of.” Seamus said.

“Who would he have left her for?” Quinn asked even as the answer came to him.

“Desmond Bothwell. In all of the journals I’ve read, he’s been in every entry. Ciaran talks about him a lot.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

Seamus grins. “Probably because you weren’t looking for it.”

“And you were?” Quinn asks, eyebrow raised.

“I wasn’t looking for it to be honest but I noticed Ciaran’s fondness for Desmond right away. He never outright says it in any entry I read but then again these are his early journals. He was only between fourteen and fifteen years old while writing these journals.”

Quinn was astounded. “He wrote all of this in the space between a year?” He asks.

Seamus nodded. “It was a commonly known fact that Ciaran liked to write. We have manuscripts that he’s written here in the library and I believe that there’s something in the room that used to be his office.”

“We’ll have to check that out later. In the meantime....”

Before Quinn could finish his sentence, there was a sound from downstairs. The sound of someone’s voice calling Quinn’s name echoed up the stairs. Quinn’s eyes widened and he bolted out of his seat. He’d know that voice anywhere. It was the voice that used to tease him when he was little, that used to tell him he’d be all right when he was hurt or sick. Ronan. His big brother was alive. Tears already filling his eyes, Quinn was racing down the stairs before Seamus had even realized what was happening.

Tall and rather proud, his brother is standing in the entryway of Du Mont estate. His blonde hair is longer than he remembered it being and his blue eyes were bright and happy-looking. Ronan wore a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans and there’s a girl at his side. Even though girls have never been his thing, Quinn could freely admit that she was beautiful. Her long hair was dark and hung in gentle waves over her shoulders. Her eyes are bright green. She was a head shorter than Ronan, though the way she was looking up at Ronan told Quinn that his brother had found his true love. Ronan had survived the curse...for now anyways. Quinn didn’t want to think about what would eventually kill his older brother.

“Ronan! You’re...alive.” Quinn nearly shouted at his brother.

Ronan’s smile was wide. “I’m sorry I was gone so long, Quinn. I never meant to...to leave you alone.”

Seamus’ eyebrows were raised as he came into the room. “What is it with you Bothwells and inviting yourselves into my home?” he asked but Quinn can hear the laughter in his voice.

“Seamus, this is my brother. Ronan. I...I thought the curse had taken him.”

Seamus looked between them. “Would you like to come inside further? I’m sure I still have some tea or something in the kitchens.”

Ronan smiled. “Yes. Thank you. It’s been three years since Quinn and I last saw each other.”

“Right this way. I’m sure Quinn knows where everything is by now so I’ll show you to the kitchens and then go finish researching in the library.”

“Thank you, Seamus. You’re a saint.”

Seamus grinned at Quinn. “You’d better remember that.”

Quinn led his brother and the girl Ronan had brought with him into the kitchen. He made tea and grabbed some cookies. Setting everything on the table, Quinn sat down and turned to his brother. Ronan was tucking a piece of hair behind the girl’s ear, his expression fond. Quinn watched with a bittersweet smile. This was something he’d never have. Love was something he’d always wanted but would never have.

“Where did you go, Ronan? What happened?” Quinn asked, eyes soft.

Ronan took a sip of his tea. “When I left Nollaig the day I disappeared, I was just planning on going into Dublin for a bit. I was going to come back the next day. I was just meeting a friend in Dublin for a few drinks. I was in a really bad accident, though, and I would have died had D’Arcy not found me and nursed me back to health. I found out later that D’Arcy was a...a sex slave to a powerful man in Dublin. I’ve spent the last three years fighting to free her and I finally did it.”

Quinn smiled. “I’m just glad you finally got past the curse. And found someone you loved.”

“Quinn, I’d like you to meet D’Arcy. We’re to be married in the summer. D’Arcy, love, this is my brother. Quinn.”

Quinn smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you.” Looking at his brother he said, “I won’t be around for your wedding, unfortunately. I have three weeks until the curse takes me.”

Ronan simply smiled. “Everything will work out, little brother. Trust me.”

“I’ve accepted my fate, Ronan. I know what’s going to happen to me. It’s okay.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Don’t give up just yet, okay? There’s still hope. Look at me. I found my love on the day that I was supposed to die.”

“True. I’ll keep my heart open. But...if I die...I’m glad you have someone to go through it with you.”

“Me too, little brother. But I don’t think I’m going to lose you. I think things’ll work out for you.”

“Ronan, I’m not even into women. How am I ever going to find love in Nollaig?”

Ronan looked like he wanted to say something. Instead he stood up and smiled at Quinn. “Just don’t give up. I don’t have all the answers but...I want you to keep your heart open. Your love is out there, Quinn. I know he is.”

“I will. I promise.” He’d already given up, indeed, but he wouldn’t tell his brother this.

“I’m gonna get D’Arcy back to the Manor. Are you staying here?”

Quinn nodded. “I am. Seamus and I are researching the curses. We’ve found a link between his curse and ours...and we’re researching it. We’re trying to figure out why our families were cursed.”

“Let me know if you need anything little brother.”

“I will.”

They’d reached the entryway and Ronan hugged Quinn tightly. D’Arcy hugged him too, her hug soft but kind. As they hugged, Ronan whispered another apology in Quinn’s ear. Quinn knew he was apologizing for abandoning him when their parents died. Quinn had already forgiven him for that, though, the second he’d seen D’Arcy standing beside him. It didn’t matter anymore that Quinn had gone through the deaths of his parents alone or that he’d been angry with Ronan for so long for it. It only mattered that his brother was happy and loved. Quinn forced a smile on his face as Ronan wrapped an arm around D’Arcy and led her out of the Estate.

Death suddenly seemed so close. Quinn had thought himself ready. He’d truly believed that he was ready to die in whatever way the curse took him. Now that Ronan had returned, now that he’d seen the love that Ronan had found, he wanted to find that himself. He wanted to find someone to look at him the way D’Arcy looked at Ronan, like he was her entire world. But nobody ever would. No one would ever brush his hair out of his face. No one would ever look at him and feel the warmth of joy spread through their chest. He would never know love and he would die knowing it.