I was a nameless girl, with a plain face. I lived in a plain country, where nothing at all exciting ever happened. The prairies were everywhere for miles in every direction, and the sky was gray. Although, no matter how hard I tried to escape from this, I couldn’t. It was hard to believe there was such things as subways, and airplanes. Where I was from, we used horses and mules. We were old fashioned, but no one tried to change that. No one. It was annoying, really. Then one day, he came along.
He had a dark complexion and had dark brown almost black hair. He smiled in a different way then I had ever known. It only spread to one side of his face, in a smirk. He came riding in on some sort of vehicle (which I later learned was called a motorcycle), and immediately you could tell that he wasn’t from around here. His attire was a bit odd with tight pants and a leather jacket. He had a tattoo of a green snake winding around his arm with its mouth open and ready to attack.
That day was the same as usual, stormy skies and waving seas of gold grain. That was about the best crop that we ever got around here, and it will probably stay that way for ever. It just rained too much for almost anything to grow.
I was standing outside in overalls and a red long sleeved shirt. My black sneakers were worn down to the sole, well they were black, but I guess they're grey now. My blonde hair was in two loose braids, and my hands were grimy from pulling out soggy carrots from the muddy fields.
He came up to me and asked, "Do you know where I could find Ms. Tipton?"
"Over there in the Salon. May I ask why?" I stared curiously into his brown eyes.
"I am her nephew, I came to visit for a few days..." He smiled politely, "And you are?"
"I am Vivian Michaleson. You?" I smiled back. The whole aura about him, seemed to radiate joy, it just felt natural to smile back.
"I am Anton Benedetti." His eyes glowed, and I felt as if I was flying, "I have to go now, talk to you later?"
"Um, sure!" I nodded, and then stared after him as he walks away. That's when I noticed that he had left his keys on his motorcycle's seat.
* * *
The whole thing was surprisingly easy, but for me the hardest part was figuring out how to get the thing started. Once the keys were in, and I had learned the hard way how to start, stop and turn, I was on my way.
The dirt sprayed up from under the tires, and the trees and everything passed by so quickly I could hardly see them. The wind was blasting my face so fiercely that I was surprised I wasn't blown off and away. Then before I knew it, I was off of the dirt road and out of the fields. There were trees and hills and in the distance I could see some mountains.
In fear that the wind might steal my breath if I opened my mouth to laugh, I kept my mouth shut. But my eyes were brimming over with emotions. I was so elated and happy.
I had made it out. I was free, and freedom felt good.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,830 Reviews
Hello.
There is something ripe about the imagery used in this work.I can see why this work is featured because of its theme. "hope" I don't know what made you think to write this?
For example, there are two layers of meaning to this work: the metaphorical and the literal. I'm not sure how to interpret this writing:
This does look very literal, but on the other hand, I think it's entirely possible that these descriptions make your characters look a little bit unremarkable.
I would add more details, to make them seem more interesting as well as relatable.
It's good, just needs a little editing for detail I feel.
Keep writing.
~R
Thanks!
Hello.
Kanome here with a short review for you.
I love this story, like a lot.
It's sweet and interesting to me.
I know how it feels to live in a place that has nothing to do. Been there, done that. Ask @ReisePiecey xD
Anyways, I love the story plot.
I just wish I could read an actual book about this..
Have you thought about making this into a novel of some kind?
That would be interesting to read for sure.
Anyways, keep up the great work.
I can't wait to read more c:
I will certainly try to make this a book, but first let me finish the novel I am currently writing...
Take your time c: I am in no rush.
Hola Unique! *Playfully swats over the head.
I like this! Freedom at last, only part I don't like is the part about stealing the motorcycle... But I'm pretty sure she's just "borrowing" it, right? *Winks. I would hate to be in a old town where they didn't even have a car, it would be too hard for me, plus, I wouldn't have Young Writers Society! One minor problem...
"then stared after him as he walks" Just a past and present tense in the same sentence, doesn't seem to work. That's just me though.
That's it!
~Kelpies
Thanks!
Hi there! This is Scarlet here to review!
I loved this!
I didn't think It was going to interesting, truthfully I thought it was going to be boring.
When she jumped on that motorcycle though, my adrenaline starting doing double.
My expression was like, NO, no she wouldn't.
Boy, I'm glad she did!
It's a fun and interesting story, I really liked it.
It's enough to earn you a favorite, follow, and a review.
I didn't really find any grammar mistakes or punctual mistakes.
Nice work!
I encourage you to write something a little longer.
This was really good, I'd like too see you write a extended story. Maybe about 5-6 pages worth?
About a thousand words, not too long.
It was totally worth the read, so you did a really good job!
Thumbs up!
Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde
Writer, Artist, Student and Reader
Thank you for the wonderful review!
Hello there, lets get the review started. Okay so I absolutely loved the way you started the story off, I was hooked from probably the first sentence. However, my interest diminished as I continued to read because I felt as if everything just ended so abruptly and awkwardly. Though it is good that you described the boy on the motorcycle I feel that you probably should have described the motorcycle instead since in the end that's what seemed to be the main focus. I think you should add in more dialogue between the two and maybe describe her reaction to the motorcycle since it was her first time seeing one. If you do make changes to the story, or make it longer(which I hope you do
) I would love to read it again, please keep me posted!
Will do! Thanks for the review!
I have found only one grammar mistake:
It was hard to believe there was such things
-change was to were
Overall, this is really good. You might want to tell more about the girl . . . her life and family and where she lives.
I can't really find anything else! This is really descriptive and you explained the boy well.
Is this the end? I hope not, because I want to see what happens next! Great job!
Sadly, that was the end.. But thanks for the review!
Hey, there! Sounds here to give a quick review.
First off, this was a very interesting read. I felt it was well-written; I don't have any nit-picks in that regard.
However, I feel you could have gone a lot further with this than you had, maybe add a bit more to it? The ending didn't really leave as much of an impact as it should have, because I couldn't really connect with why she wanted to escape so badly.
I mean, i got that she was displeased with her life on the farm. But, is she a slave? Maybe her family's Amish and doesn't really use technology? Or is she just someone whose family lives in the middle of nowhere, so she doesn't see the world? Did something happen that caused her to want to leave? Maybe the guy was someone that came around often, always left his keys alone, and she planed to escape but she never had a chance to escape until then?
I can't help but be curious and wish that there had a bit more before the ending.
Just my thoughts.
Keep writing! I'll be sure to check out any future works of yours.
Thank you! I actually wrote this during a WW. She is just out in the middle of nowhere and wants to see the world. I will try to explain that a bit better next time.