Published May 25, 2011
My name is pochahontas
I sing every thing I say
I constantly have drug induced delusions.
Like talking trees
I think are my relatives
Or wind with colors
Or otters of my companionship.
My name is Pochahontas, yes it is.
(it's longer when I sing it I swear ^.^)
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
First off, this is rather cute. Now, onto the comments.
Other than that, no further comment. Happy writing!
This should probably be in the 'song lyrics' section, but I'll review it as a poem.
The ideas in this poem are great. I loved the comment about the 'drug induced delusions', because Ive never thought about the move like that.
The major problem is, that it's not very.. poetry like... you know? This sounds just like a normal book, there' nothing really different about the structure.
Also, try showing instead of telling us what you think. Say
'I could hear the thud of rubber against asphalt when the children were playing outside' instead of 'The children were bouncing the ball'
Good luck and Keep Writing-
KatTrain