Young Writers Society

Hello! Snippyfemme here to review!
Alright so I loved the theme of this poem. It's so nice and hopeful! However I did feel it was a tad cliche. I think this is in part due to the rhyming. Personally I just don't love rhyming. It tends to make things feel sing songy, but it also tends to restrict the writer. I can tell from this poem that you have a way with words, but forcing yourself to make three lines rhyme is very limiting. I suggest you try (if you haven't already) working with poetry that doesn't rhyme. I am very impressed that you were able to get each set of three lines to rhyme. That is no simple feat.
I think because of the rhyming you went for some simple choices to convey your meaning. For example the line, "spread my wings across the sky and I soared", is very nice but is also extremely overused in poetry and other writing forms. I think you could really do a lot with these ideas of hope if you stepped out of the box of these cliche limiting ideas of what is classically "pretty" in poetry.
One line that I do feel desperately needs to be improved in order to maintain the idea of your poem is "the ones who may never obey". This makes it sound like we must all live in the same sort of life in order to be happy or that anyone who doesn't hold the same values should be antagonized. Although this is surely not your intent, the use of the word "obey" gives this sort of connotation. Once again the pressure to rhyme seems to be limiting you.
I hope this helped you even a smidgen Keep writing!!!
-Snippyfemme

I loved the optimism in this post, and the request for the Lord's help to get through. Your rhyme scheme is great, although "life" doesn't quite work as a rhyme with "lie," "goodbye," and "eye."

Also, right here:

Please Lord watch over those who have lost their way,

Hey! Silverberry here to review! And first of all may I say that your poem is really touching and hopeful, even though you talked about the evil in people, and I really like that. I like that you incorporated the small prayer in the end because it's a really unique touch to a poem that I thought was about the hardships of life, which it was, but having the lighter and more hopeful end made it better. Writing-wise, I love poems that rhyme and you don't seem to be too confined-as in the rhyme didn't seem too forced, which is good! There are some small edits I would suggest making though.

I once spread my wings and across the sky I soared,
One time I spoke to my peers, but I was ignored.

The evil of the world isn't new to my eye,
I've been around such evil the majority of my life.

Hello there! LadyShadows here to review!

I have read and reviewed the other poem '5 years of agony' and needless to say, you are not a bad writer. You need to improve, but you are not bad. In fact, This is my favorite! It was not too short and not too long, and the poem had excellent rhyming. Very deep and spiritual, I can safely say as well, and the poem stays straight to the point it's trying to make. It also had wonderful flow. But I do see at least two problems here.

'I've been around such evil the majority of my life.'

You have rhymed each and every word except for this. Every line had a rhyming word at the end, and this is what majorly screwed up the flow. You must keep things consistent in poems. While poems can bend and break the laws of grammar, one rule that poetry does go by is the fact that once something was started, it must be ended. So if you rhymed in the beginning, it must be rhyming by the end. Remember this.

Secondly, do not capitalize every line if the sentence had not ended. This is what I saw:

'I once spread my wings and across the sky I soared,

One time I spoke to my peers, but I was ignored.'

The 'O' in 'one' should not be capitalized because this was still an ongoing sentence by the time a new line was started.

Thirdly and lastly I should suggest that in this same phrase, you put a semicolon(;) next to the word 'soared'

This is all for now! Have a nice day Ulysses! Keep Writing!

Hey RedHood here!
I just want to start off by saying that you did a wonderful job with this poem.
Something that I would suggest is to maybe put in some lines that also shed some positive light on things that the narrator has seen. This way it has a bigger contrast between the good and the bad parts of life. If you need help with a title I would recommend something like All I Have. This is because you repeated I've a lot in the poem and it could help tie it all together.

with the line "I've been around such evil the majority of my life" I feel like there should be a line after it that would make the pattern that you have set up through out the rest of the poem.

If you wanted to keep more of a negative light on the things mentioned in the poem may I suggest maybe adding more detail into what exactly you saw as evil. This way it helps set up the tone a little more.

I hope this helps! And good luck on your future writing!
RedHoodWriter