I wrote this last night when I got home from a concert I went to with two of my best friends. I wrote it because I feel like one of my best friends and I have this really great connection... but both of us have had so many things getting in the way of Us. So, this song is for him.
Verse 1:
You look at me, I look right back.
Feels like love's closing in on us.
I smile at you, you smile right back.
You laugh at me, I laugh right back.
Feels like our hearts are under attack.
Keep it safe and locked away.
Chorus:
And to think I would choose
anyone but you
makes me think I was in the wrong
all along. (x2)
Verse 2:
You pick at me, I pick right back.
Feels like life's closing in on us.
I wave at you, you wave right back.
You grin at me, I grin right back.
Feels like our hearts are under attack.
Keep it safe and locked away.
Chorus:
Verse 3:
He looks at me, I look right back.
Feels like loves tearing me apart.
She smiles at you, you smile right back.
He laughs at me, I laugh right back.
Feels like our hearts are under attack.
I'll keep it safe and locked away.
Chorus 2:
And to think I had to choose
anyone but you
makes me think I was in the wrong
all along. (x2)
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141,415 Literary Works • 674,393 Reviews
Hi there, Tydecker! Hmm, I haven't read lyrics in a while!
First off, what kind of a song did you intend this to be? Not that it matters that much, but I always like knowing if I'm reading the lyrics to an upbeat song, or a melancholic one, or perhaps hard rock.
I quite like the consistency between the stanzas/verses. Often, when I read lyrics, they seem to be just all over the place, with the writer just throwing in all of his/her ideas without giving it any thought. However, the repetition is so strong I was kind of getting tired of it by the third verse. Maybe you should lighten it up just a little, so the song wouldn't feel so packed.
Also, another thing I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing: I found the chorus a little boring. The chorus should, in my opinion, be the one that you'll remember, but now it was kind of left in the shadow of the verses.
Hopefully I helped, even a little!
Demeter
x
P. S. Don't forget to claim your prize review (for my contest)
I thought this was well written if not a bit cliche'. I didn't really see anything wrong with it and even though there are a lot of poems/songs like this, it was still a very good read nonetheless. Keep up the good work
I do like these lyrics.. It has the same rhythm throughout the whole song and also flow, which some 'famous' songs kind of lack. I like how you used kind of the same pattern but different words.
Well done, you should be proud.
,writingaway
Yes the writing was a little repetitive, but good word choice all the same
The lyrics were nice.
I particularly liked these few lines. So keep writing-Gmuffin-
I like these lyrics, a lot. It gets a little repetitive, but because the word choice is nice I think you can get away with it. Very nice. Keep writing
-Crim