This some thing I free wrote. So I hope you Like it.
Hearts breaking
Friends leaving
Tears falling
Like petals from a flower
Frown covered
Smiles levered
Hopes lowered
Reasons for dreams dispersed
Times of happiness gone
Faces becoming long
Hearts becoming strong
Like many think them wrong
Non understood
Hoping they could
Faces under a hood
Non believed they would
Reasons dying
Faces lying
People crying
Hope ever ending
When time continues
Hearts will be renewed
Lives will continue
While theirs are altered
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
P.S. Yeah, there was no emotion in it at all, actually...its like its from a third persons point of view, not yours.
It was severely lacking for me. I didn't feel anything throughout the whole thing. You're talking about hearts breaking and things like that, and all I'm seeing is a bunch of words on the screen. I think you could have done better.
Hearts breaking
Friends leaving
Tears falling
Like petals from a flower - nice description. This was my fave stanza of the whole thing, and you could have made a nice short poem out of it, if you had continued in that sort of style
Frown covered
Smiles levered
Hopes lowered
Reasons for dreams dispersed - as soon as I read this, it took away from the nicenss of the first stanza...I think you should have continued with the description of what it was like...and 'reasons for dreams dispersed' doesn't make a picture
Times of happiness gone
Faces becoming long
Hearts becoming strong
Like many think them wrong - this is good, except for the 'hearts becoming strong' line, which sort of didn't go with the poem, unless it means that whoever it is, is getting stronger from the troubles...?
Non understood
Hoping they could
Faces under a hood
Non believed they would - the use of 'non' again isn't good....unless you mean 'none'???
Reasons dying
Faces lying
People crying
Hope ever ending - its ok...the only thing I liked was the 'reasons dying'
When time continues
Hearts will be renewed
Lives will continue
While theirs are altered - a bit too different from the rest, but still nice
Well, I don't know if I liked this, but it was interesting. the story line was a bit cliche, and repetetive. If you want to have a 'happy' line at the end of each verse, maybe find some more expressive words, to get the idea across better.
Good job, but needs work