The apple never falls far from the tree,
but I believe
(i must believe)
That my fruit is infinitely better,
and sweeter,
than the old.
If you say the fruit must be picked, why shilly-shally on the way?
Tristan and Iseult.
The bittersweet tradition of love found and lost
and found again in the tangled embrace of hazel and honeysuckle.
Past and future past, what are my chances?
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hey there twit! Insanity here to review this lovely poem (;
The idea is very cute and sparked my interest. Writing a poem about a commonly used phrase, definitely something that's never crossed my mind, good inspiration! haha, so I just had a couple things I wanted to mention.
You start off the poem with shorter lines, and it seems kind of awkward right here how you switched over to these long lines. I suggest maybe you split them into two lines instead of keeping it all as one?
That's pretty much it. I loved everything else, but I just wish maybe you'd made the poem a little longer to expand on the idea. Keep writing!
Twit,
Heh. Overall I love the voice in this and the strange structures of your sentences, use of 'shilly-shally' etc. it helps with that oldish tone of voice, and the fact you began with a proverb emphasized it as well.
It's not the structure so much as the use of the verb "run" that made it seem jarring for me. How "goes" would sound clearer, (with the additional bonus of echoing off of "growth") or an alternative word of that variation.
Overall, I thought it pretty simple and interesting. Original in its voice and playing with the language, and I suppose the structure of the thing itself. Though I'll admit, I was a bit confused at first as to where it was trying to go. At first, my interpretation was like: Okay, the speaker is backlashing at his/her roots, something we can all relate to for sure. The Tristan and Iseult reference came real sudden, and the message of the piece took a sudden nosedive towards the opposite direction, almost as though you're putting two poems into one, with not a lot of transition between them. Maybe it's because it's been a while (and when I say a while, I mean like a loooong while) since I've seen Tristan & Iseult and so maybe you're referring to the correlation of these characters to their parents? But when I think of Tristan & Iseult I think of their love affair and the violence and all that. Well, I may or may not just be missing the whole concept though.
I'm going to say though that the title was a nice touch. I enjoyed it, and I enjoyed the first part of the poem
~ as always, Audy
Very short, and a blank verse and well, I still like it
Hi Twit.
Solly here to review.
I like your opening stanza. Though I'd change some things like for example the 'I' in the parentheses, it should be uppercase. And I don't think the punctuation is quiet correct. It's kind of confusing. Like for example, I think the parentheses could be commas, but of course that's your choice, and the comma after 'sweeter' shouldn't be there.
I really like this. ^_^
I think there should be a comma after 'lost'. Beautiful<3
Overall: Your poem is good. Very pretty. Though, I'd work a little bit more on the first stanza. I would try to make it more catchy, in order for the reader to feel attracted to the poem from the start, I believe it can be as beautiful as the last stanzas.
Keep Writing!
~Sol Valeria<3
This is good. I liked your structure as it was interesting. I also liked the shilly-shally thing which was original. However, I found the opening line very cliched. It is good, but it doesn't really fit into the unique and individualality of the poem. It may be necessary to you, but to me it doesn't seem to fit in. It also makes it feel like a song, which is quite strange, because the rest of it reads like a poem. Overall though, nice job.