Published November 15, 2013
Once upon a time, there was a house that lived on a hill. Its roof was black, its chimneys smoky and twisted; its high walls were brown and its windows smiled out at the forest all around. The house was called Dreadnettle Hall, and it was owned, as much as it could be owned by anyone, by two men called Rot and Wisdom. Both men were very tall with very long legs, as though they had been ironed too flat by an over-enthusiastic housemaid. Rot’s eyes were brown, and his long hair was the colour of a newly hatched horse chestnut. Wisdom’s eyes were hazel, green blossoming through his irises. His hair was short and black, and his fingers were not as clever as Rot’s.
Rot and Wisdom were lovers. They quarrelled sometimes, as lovers do, and when that happened Wisdom would take himself off to the library and read books on science and mathematics and electricity. Rot would go to the attic and poke the thing that lived there until it covered its white face with its black hands and whimpered. Sometimes it even cried, and then Rot would feel glad and sorry both at once, and go and find Wisdom and hold him until his anger faded away.
They had lived at Dreadnettle Hall for quite some time now. It was quiet and secluded, and they liked that. No one ever came and visited them, and they liked that, too. In the morning, the trees all around were filled with birdsong and the splintering glowing light of the sunrise; in the evening, the creatures that lived in the trees crept into the garden and played with the bramble-creatures in the strawberry patch. The scarecrow looked down at them and smiled her straw-filled smile; and Rot and Wisdom looked at the house and the garden and were happy with what they had created.
Upstairs in the attic, the thing that lived there lifted its face to the skylight and prayed that things would change.
---
This is what I do when I should be NaNoing. Dreadnettle Hall has a tumblr here, which is pretty nifty. You should check it out. You know. If you want to.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hello! I love fairytales and I think that this is what you're writing. Seriously though, the way you've written it is amazing. It's all so whimsical, like an old fashioned bed time story. And I've only just started reading it so I think it may get too grim to be a bed time story, but you know what I mean.
I like the description of the scarecrow but I think you should call it a 'he', unless it has long hair or something.
I'm looking forward to knowing what the 'thing' in the attic is!! Of to the next chapter I go!
You did a good job at describing the setting in this story. I have a very vivid image of what the the house looks like, which I definitely enjoy. So many people (myself probably included) jump into the story and barely describe, and it's somewhat annoying to not have an idea of what the setting looks like. So thank you
I do think that finding out Rot and Wisdom's relation serves a purpose, as I found myself wondering if they were related, or friends, or how exactly they both owned Dreadnettle Hall.
I find it interesting to not include dialogue in a story, but for this one it works. It adds to the ominous feeling quite well. Like Jibber said, you built a lot of suspense in this chapter. I did find it to be a little short as far as chapters go, but it's a nice, quick read. Nice job!
I really liked the description in this story. I especially loved how you described the morning sunlight:
"...the splintering glowing light of the sunrise."
It has really good imagery in it and has the beginnings of a conflict introduced in it, when the thing that lives in the attic is introduced. Since we don't know what it is, it could be anything: they live in the forest, it could be some kind of animal; their home is secluded, it could be a kidnapping.
I loved how you ended this chapter with "Upstairs in the attic, the thing that lived there lifted its face to the skylight and prayed that things would change." It provides suspense and makes the reader yearn for more.
However, I was shocked to learn that Rot and Wisdom were lovers. This didn't seem very important to the story so the information doesn't really seem to serve a purpose. Also, Rot and Wisdom don't really seem human. The way they act, the things they do. I could be wrong, but I just got the feeling that they didn't really act human.
Finally,
"Rot would go to the attic and poke the thing that lived there until it covered its white face with its black hands and whimpered. Sometimes it even cried, and then Rot would feel glad and sorry both at once, and go and find Wisdom and hold him until his anger faded away."
This shows that it couldn't really be some kind of kidnapping because a kidnapper, I personally don't think would feel very sorry for beating their prisoner. As well, the little description you provide for the thing in the attic also provides suspense. What could have a white face with black hands? Some kind of monkey? But why would they torture a monkey?
All in all, good job. I loved the hints about the creature. It makes me curious.
Thanks for sharing!