I love you.... always have and always will. Your the only person who makes my heart beat faster an slower at the same time. We have had god and bad times, but i can never stay mad at you for more then a second.. i remember the first time we kissed, i felt like i could be myself with you and not what people expect me to be. when we broke up i felt the pain In my chest... my heart crushing into a million pieces. my only question was why???? that day when you looked me in the eye and said sorry and walked away I'll never forget. That's when i found out you were gone. but I'm not that same girl anymore I've changed and when you come looking for me you probably wont notice. but something that will always remain the same about me is..... the feelings i have for you...idk whats wrong with me but i love you and i always will. every time you look at me i feel happy and safe. i wish we could be together..hold each other but that's never going to happen...is it.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I did read the whole thing, the vibe I got from it was cliche love poem, I think we have all written at least one.
I do suggest line breaks, just to make it a bit easier for the reader. The next suggestion I have is to make the reader feel what you are feeling, not just tell them what you are feeling. It's hard to explain the physical signs of love without coming off cheesey and cliche, but if you can do it you are a god among men (or in this case goddess).
I have a huge respect for people that post love poetry, because it is one of the hardest things to write about without it being automatically thrown into the chiche catagory.
However this was a bit cliche, and I am sorry to say it.
I also would recomend looking at your imaginary, I want to see everything you are seeing, feel everything you are feeling. I don't just want to hear you tell me..
I hope this helps.
Scarlett
as i think i can stated, it's annoying to reader's when you post the whole thing in one giant line.
unlike him, however, i read the whole thing. it was alright. i'm not sure what the real flow of it was due to the fact that it was all in one line.
i couldn't tell where the different stanzas were supposed to be. or what was going on, really.
you used 'idk' in the...hmm...in the line toward the end. i'm not sure if you intended for that to be read as 'idk' or 'i don't know'.
i'd love to give you a real review when this piece gets structured.
PM me when/if that happens.
-GC10
I was about to read this... but I gave up halfway. For some reason you posted this as if it reads all on one line, and I'm not a fan of dragging my mouse to eternity to read everything. From what i read it seems good so far, I will return once its readable XD
Hey there!
First I would like to say welcome to YWS. Why don't you tell us about yourself in the Welcome Section? Have you read The Rules yet? Maybe not...
Here at YWS we have a policy about posted work and reviews. For every one story/poem you post, you are required to review at least two other stories/poems. It's kindness! There is more about that in the rules section, and you can get there with the link I have above. Don't worry, we won't eat you right now. This is just a warning.
Also, I edited your title. All caps are annoying, and unless it's necessary to the title - in an artistic manner - than please post all titles in a regular way.
Again, welcome to YWS! And if you have any questions about the site, or you need help finding your way around, feel free to pm me.