Crush

[flash=][/flash] Just wondering, what is this supposed to be?

I would really prefer friends not to tell secrets that are personal and important, but, having friends who love to gossip, they told one of my dearest and most secretive secrets ever in the history of my secrets. I really like this guy, he's cute funny and all that I want in a guy, however, I strongly doubt that he likes me, he most likely has higher standards than mine and is likely to already have a girl friend Short stories don't usually have smilies in them, just a heads up. I don't mean its a total no-no, but its still a little weird. Just the other day I heard his friends whispering about this girl he likes and that he was planning to ask her out. it's so sad that he won't like me too and my friends telling him that I like him was probably a not so good choice. Who ever he likes is one lucky girl if you ask me. very ,VERY lucky. I think you need to make this paragraph less like an email or a PM and more like a story. Add dialogue. Add description. Add emotion. Give everyone names

next day ... This is also one of those things you don't really find in short stories. I think you could find a way to make the transition from one day to another smoother

Oh my gosh! I LOVE YOU FRIENDS I LOVE YOU!!! Again, this is more like a PM then a short story. Perhaps you character could say this, or you could say she thought it or something
This guy I had been telling you about well guess what?! You forgot to capitalize the H in Hehe asked me out would you believe it! ME! Well I spose it 'suppose'I should apologise apologize to my besties (for being angry.) * Friends this may be fiction but this shows how much u mean 2 me so if you have friends that u love please make em <3 u too * You might want to put this last part as a foot note in the end instead of attaching it to your short story


This has potential, but it sounded like an email or a blog post, not a story. You might want to read a few short stories (on this site or somewhere else) and then re-write or touch it up. Also, a short story has a defined beginning, middle, and end, like a novel. Just keep that in mind and keep writing!!
Sierra

This feels a little rushed, and not quite a story... However, it has potential to become one. Expand more on these friends and the guy she likes... All her feelings of anger and jealousy just went away in a day? Where was she when all of this happened? Also, this kind of seems like a note that you would pass during science class or something. Lol. Try to make it more of a story than a letter or note.


---- Jalmoc

This belongs in a blog or something, but I wouldn't consider it a proper literary piece.
Unless you're writing a scene where people are chatting online, emoticons shouldn't be used.
It is too brief and lacking in detail for critiques on plot, but your grammar can be improved. Some words that should clearly be capitalised, aren't.
Like kaka has mentioned, this piece needs a serious overhaul.
Keep on writing,
Meep(:

Its awesome TurkishDelightRocks!!!!
=) I definitely like the start the most but the whole thing is great.
keep writing!!!

You might want to re-think this. It was almost like a PM not a story.
Keep working on it
kaka

Is this a story?

Hm. I don't know about this. But it does have a potential. I love the thought of the MC being sad and angry because she thought her crush doesn't like her back. How about rewriting it and making the story longer? I'm definitely looking forward to it.
Keep writing!
And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me.
KAT <3