Honesty
wisdom
love
hatred
what does the truth lead us to. Unknown emotions, lost love, past lust, what does it all come from? what does it mean? why is it hidden in front of our very eyes? why does it hurt?
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Wolf here to do a review!
I see that timmyjake has already talked about the formating, so I think I'll leave that be.
Lets talk about word choice! I'm pretty sure that this poem is about the truth, seeing as that's the title, So how do those first four words tie into the poem? I can tell that you're trying to set up something, but I'm not quite sure what. I believe that those four words are quite powerful words, and you could really use them to your advantage. Good job on word choice their.
The only real problem with these four words is that you don't actually take them anywhere. You just kinda leave it to the reader to guess where they could go. I think it would increase the (already significant) power behind this poem if you made some slight comments about those words again. Like mention how important honesty is. Or how love thrives in a truthful relationship. Little things like that.
All in all I think these words where excellent choices, you just need to take them somewhere.
"What does the truth lead us to" Yet again, great use of words. This one sentence brings up questions and feelings within me that I never realized where there.
It's the next sentence that I'd like to bring to your attention. What are you trying to say there? Are you pointing out things that the truth brings to use, and then asking why? Or are you asking what about the truth brings these things? Or are you merely stating several things and then asking where they come from as a discrete way of suggesting they might come from the truth? Did you intentionally leave it open for the reader to interpret however they want?
I really think you did a great job here. This is a very powerful poem. Particularly the last question "Why does it hurt?" This is, well, this is beautiful, this is amazing, this is wonderful, this is heart wrenching, this is almost terrible in a symbolic sort of way.
I think you did an amazing job, and can really take this poem to the extraordinary level with only a few tweaks.
~WW
Timmy her for a quick review!
So first, I should welcome you to the site! This is certainly an excellent piece to kickstart your time here! Your idea is amazing! I usually start a review off by stating a few nitpicks, so lets get started!
Nitpicks
Now my biggest nitpick would be the formatting, which isn't like poetry is usually like. Normally, poetry is written in individual stanzas, with individual lines, etc. So something similar to this:
Now just bear in mind that these are only suggestions! Your style is your style.
I guess my final nitpick would be that this poem doesn't really have an absolute ending, like a life had an end. Your beginning is wonderful, seriously. But your ending seems like a middle.... What I think you could do to sum this up and put a good ending would be to answer one of your own questions... Perhaps, What does the truth lead us to?
That sums up my nitpicks! This was a wonderful idea, and you brought it far! I see that your username is Truth, so you must value truth a lot! For a first poem on YWS, you have done a wonderful job. I look forward to your next! Keep writing!
~Timmyjake (I hope this review isn't seen as mean. It wasn't intended.
Thank you it means so much to me that you reviewed my work.
Hey there hopeless here to give you a review!
Ok let's jump on it to it, first off this is a great poem. The spelling and grammar are just fine, though maybe the punctuation could be touched up on. And your formatting could use some work on it though that's up to you not me. It might look better though. So think about it, and the poem it's self is very good just have it look as good as it is. Your very talented at writing things like this make them look just as good. Great job all together though and maybe think about fixing it up a bit...
Keep writing and stay beautiful!!
~hopeless
Thank you for your kind words
Deadman here with a review for you today! Welcome to YWS! If you find yourself lost go ahead and shoot me or a moderator (guys and gals with green names) a PM. Nice first work you have here. Great poem really, I like how you are asking questions and engaging the reader. Truth, such a serious subject too. You are completely right, it does hurt.
Pros-
1. Great content.
2. Nice topic.
3. You've really captured the idea, and presented it really well.
Cons-
1. You didn't really format it.
2. Assuming your format was correct, you need to work on capitalization. The first and second sentence is capitalized, but nothing else is. I understand it is a poem, but writing basics still apply.
Overall it was a great poem! I loved the topic, and I loved the way you executed it. I hope you write more like this. I can't wait to see more works from you either. I hope you make your way into the community here on YWS, and until next time, happy writing!
Cheers,
Deadman XD
thank you for your kind words
its too short a poem should flow from you mind into the penceil try to understand the words as you write them from a different p.o.v