Hate

Summer has ended, but the weather feels different in my skin. I feel only anguish and emptiness in my mouth, my eyes only see the present I'm living, I don't see hope, but I also see a future. Perhaps it's just a way to ease the pain, but pain is the only thing that keeps me alive. The pain you caused me was cruel, but it wasn't malicious, it was sweet, slow, tender.

You haven't stopped loving me; you'll soon understand that we now share the same feeling. But if you have, it means you never intended to truly love me. Love isn't what you expect it to be; you know exactly what I'm talking about. The pain you caused me was enough to destroy me, but it didn't; on the contrary, it strengthened and weakened me. Now, it hurts to look into your eyes because I've met a woman I'll have to rediscover.

Throughout all these years I haven't forgotten what you did, but I am merciful enough to forgive you. Call me clever, a good person, it won't change the fact that I am actually incompetetent, vulnerable and frail. I dress in humility because I am one of the weakest, and somehow that makes me stronger.

Your flaws are all over me, but that doesn't make me hate you; on the contrary, it brings me closer, it deepens me into something I will never tire of. Gabrielly, I hope you understand that if I take someone who means so much to you, it will be to honor what we once were, just as you took yourself from me. I can't accept defeat easily; I lost a part of you that I may never get back. Even so, you're still here, and I know that even if you're no longer the person I knew, that doesn't make it impossible for you to see in me what you used to see.

I am a reflection of you, but you are not a reflection of me; you are part of me because you possess what the world doesn't know about me. You don't understand me, much less does the world. The only difference is that you don't judge. I have a part of you, and you are the same as everyone else. I am not the same as you; I am what you don't understand about yourself.

I am like everyone else, everything that people don't understand about themselves, that's me. I am the forgiveness they don't allow themselves to have, I am the truth that cannot be changed, the truth that people are a plague.You are a plague, just like the rest of the world. I am a plague because I am human, just like you, but more human than everyone else because we see beyond our appearance.

You lied to me, and I knew you would. I knew you couldn't keep a promise like I do. Instead of making me hate you for not knowing you, it actually brought me the truth you took so long to admit to yourself. This has only just begun, and you haven't changed at all.

I love you, but I don't want anything to come to your mind. My love isn't words, it isn't actions. It simply is, and it will never cease to be. I want you to see the world beyond yourself. I want you to understand that there's only one of you for me, and one of me for you.

I need you, but this goes beyond what is seen as neediness, as dependence, as stupidity. It's not about passion, it's about love, and the love I found in what I don't know and in what I know about you. I don't know you, just as you don't know me. I know I won't love another person because there's no one else who is so intriguing, so selfless and connected to the world in such a genuine way as you.

You don't know it yet, but I'm the only friend you need for life. I'm not pleasure, I'm companionship. I'm the one who will sacrifice my life for our purpose and give you back double everything you give me. I know you're the only friend I need because there's no one who shows me the truth as cruel and sweet as you do. You are the rest of the world I need to know.

I hate the world, I hate lies. But everything is about the world and lies, you're the one who makes me see everything. I hate you Get well soon.

This will bring you death, as just as it brings you live. Understand that you're the only one that can save yourself, the truth is what kills. To know, hurts, to be, feels wrong, to live, feels awful. You are your own only hope, and only through you can the world continue; it's not about the whole, much less about nothing. Everything is nothing, while nothing is everything. You fill the nothingness and take everything for yourself; you are a necessary evil that cannot be compared to evil itself. Friendship is the touch of two souls; there is no friendship without trust, without pain there is no love, without the truth there is nothing.

With love, Fernando.