Published September 24, 2011
I just wanted to try something, this poem will not make any sense if you do not know what Deus Ex Machina means.
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Thanks for the review, it's appreciated!
I know what a Deaus Ex Machina is! I'm terrible at saying/ spelling it though and had to copy your title admittedly xD But yeah, my teacher loves reminding me of the role it plays in stories and how sometimes it's a bad thing while other times it's a novel's saving grace.
Line-By-Line
Deus Ex Machina <<< Like the title. My interest in the devise is what drew me to this piece so yeah, defineately a good choice there.]
All beauty in the world is spent [A lovely first line but it does move very smoothly into the second. It makes the poem feel a little fragmented to be honest. Maybe you could expand each image a little more before moving on and throw in a few links. Like -
'All beauty in the world is spent
on tumbled castles that sink in the moat
and saving damsels in their winter coats.
You sentence men to misery'
Etc. It would be really cool because mine's just a quick example, but you could bring other novel-esque stuff in. Fairytale things and fantasy and the whole hero vs villain thing. I mean, a Deus Ex Machina never works alone, or not the good ones at least, so have a think about tying in other stuff.]
Sentence men to misery
Impose your beliefs
Find peace by bringing pain [This is a great line but a bland way of presenting what would be a good idea. You could make it more dramatic, more creative. Even something like 'Finding peace in the crevices of pain, a bubble of air in a flooded cave'. Again, quick examples but if you put your head to it, I'm sure you'll come up with something better!]
And God is righteous.
The last line is perfect. It matches the content, it closes the poem. Keep the last line exactly as it is. Annnd that's me done I think. I'll wish you well and I'll leave you to think about this but if you've got any questions, or do a re-write and want another opinion, then just drop me a message, okay?
Heather xxx
Thank you for the review, it's very much appreciated!
After deciphering the meaning of Deus Ex Machina, I read the poem and attempted to interpret it in some way. all of it seemed to make sense to me except for the last line. But now that I think about it, it does make sense. It's very much like translating an older poem, where you have to think on every line and make conclusions about each individual line, and then try to sum it up in the end. So its nice to get a taste of something like that again instead of just being told what something is about. Its always nice to have to think about things =].
I can't find anything wrong with it, because there isn't too much there to critique. I think this is probably one of the only poems that I've read in a while were centering it actually works for the poem. Almost always I ask people that center to move it over to the left, seeing as its almost always more professional that way. But since this poem is so short and thought provoking, why not have it in the middle right?
I really don't have anything else to say about this piece. Nice job =]