Dear Tish,
They say letter-writing’s a dying art form. And I know that I could just as easily texted you this, or messaged you, or maybe written an email. But as I was unpacking, I found this old stationery set that I remember Nan giving to me when I was little, probably to use for drawing, and I just felt like it had to be used. I don’t remember the last time I wrote a real, proper letter, but I felt like it was worth the attempt. You were the obvious recipient, of course.
There’s just a few boxes left to unpack now. Odds and ends, mostly. Before we moved, I never realised that I owned so much, but it’s becoming clear that even though I threw out a lot, there’s still a surprising amount to unpack. Maybe it’s because there’s no real rush to empty all the boxes the way there was to fill them, but it is taking me a while to really settle in. The new house is starting to feel like a little more like home, but it’s not quite there yet.
I suppose that my excuse for why I haven’t really contacted you beyond the odd text is that I’ve been exhaustingly busy. Organising everything before school starts back is eating a lot of my time. Moving before year twelve is definitely something I wouldn’t recommend, not that I expected it to be simple. I’d like to hope things will settle down soon, but I’m not going to hold my breath. Even if we were still in Fitzbury, we’d have been busy, but this is definitely a whole new extreme. New books, new uniforms, new school, new everything. There’s a part of me that wants to say that it will bring out a new me, as well, but I’m not sure about the likelihood of that. But the amount of newness surrounding me right now, I realised, was meaning that I haven’t spoken to you in weeks. I’m not sure if I can remember the last time we went that long without some kind of contact – even when one of us went on holidays, we talked. I don’t want to lose contact with you, Tish, and maybe writing to you will help. It’s worked for people for hundreds of years, so why not now?
I wish that I had some kind of exciting story to tell you about what has been happening over here, but as busy as I feel like it’s been, nothing eventful has really happened. It’s mostly been organising everything you could think of and unpacking what feels like an unending amount of boxes. Mum’s pretty much losing her mind over everything she has to do before school starts for Evie and me, and before she and Dad start work.
I’ve gone into town a few times now, and not just for supermarket shopping. The buildings are all wrong, and I almost feel like there’s a different smell here, which I guess makes sense, seeing as we’re that much closer to the city. The feel of the place is so different from Fitzbury I have to keep reminding myself that this is normal now, at least for the next year.
Knowing you, you’ve probably looked up this place online and know it better than I do. I actually got slightly lost the other day, when I was trying to get home from the library. The middle of town here isn’t just a single street like it is at home, and even though I managed to find the library easily enough, I suppose that I must have taken a wrong turn at some point, and ended up in a part of town I didn’t recognise. All I had to do was turn around and retrace my steps, but it was so disorientating to not know where I was. There’s been a few moments like that, where it hits me that I’m somewhere so different from home, somewhere I haven’t lived for my whole life. It sounds a little silly, putting it like that. Obviously, it’s different here, but it still hasn’t quite sunk in that here is home now, not Fitzbury.
Reading back over what I’ve written so far, I notice that I keep referring to Fitzbury as ‘back home’. I should probably try to lose that habit.
There is something therapeutic about writing all this down, though. Aside from Evie and my parents, I really haven’t had anyone to talk to since Christmas. As frightening a prospect as school is in so many ways, at least it will give me the chance to speak to people I’m not related to. I could always call you, and I probably will soon, but it’s still nice to be telling you all the things I’ve been wanting you to know about. I still have the instinct to think ‘I have to tell Tish about this’, and by writing this letter, that instinct isn’t entirely wasted. There’s also the hope that I’ll be able to remember more of what I want to talk to you about in a letter, rather than a normal conversation. I’ll just have to get used to the fact that there are going to be longer gaps between each time we speak now.
I think that’s enough complaining from me. I’m probably giving you the impression that I’m miserable here, when I’m not, not really. It’s just strange.
How have your holidays been? I still have the weather forecasts for Fitzbury on my phone, and I can’t help but notice how hot the last few days have been there. It’s been hot here as well, but it’s definitely significantly milder. I hope your air-conditioning hasn’t broken down again, like it did last year. And I really hope that I haven’t just jinxed it by writing that. Let me know how things are going, anyway, and please let everyone know that I miss them. Three hours really is such an awkward distance – just that tiny bit too far to be practical to visit you easily. Hopefully when things calm down a little bit here, I’ll be able to do just that though.
I’m really looking forward to hearing back from you. I’m also not sure exactly how to sign off this letter, so I think I’ll just keep it simple.
With love,
Louisa.
End of chapter
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140,715 Literary Works • 673,675 Reviews
Hi there, Sarah! Well, I am excited to read more stuff by you. Here's hoping there'll be another Freddie character...
First of all, there's a childish love that I feel towards stories that are in letter form. I'm not sure why, and on the other hand I also don't like it sometimes, but perhaps it's more that I love letters. I've always had many pen pals, and it makes me a bit sad that I haven't actively been writing and receiving letters for years. There's few things I like better than getting a letter in the mail. So it should be pleasant to start reading this now!
Here's a few thoughts:
Since she is too busy to send more than the odd text, it does make me wonder how she has time/energy to write a real, proper letter.
She actually doesn't, when you look at it. She does talk about not feeling at home in the new place, but I would say that there's really only one bit where she directly refers to Fitzbury as "home".
I'm a little confused as to why she feels the need to sign the letter off in a particular way.
As for being the beginning of the story, I can't really say much yet. I am looking forward to reading the next bit and the next, because it's so lovely to read your writing - even if there doesn't seem to be an instant hook to make me think "Omg what'll happen next!?" But this does a lovely job in setting the story in a beautiful and subtle way.
On to the next bit
Demeter
x
Thank you!
Heyo Sarah, Flite here for a review. I've been meaning to review PS for a long time now and here I am, finally. And letter writing is extremely therapeutic, when you have enough time and someone willing to write back. I quite like the format of the letter and as Lavvie pointed out, there is a natural fluidity in your writing that not every writer contains. It's pleasurable to read, nothing juts out as unrealistic.
And the problem here, is that it is too realistic. Which Lavvie has also pointed out, I've read your other works so I'm not worried about your writing style or tone or character development. For now, it seems to be that you're picking the wrong content to show us.
So let's go ahead and break the chapter down.
Your beginning is good, it's interesting and unique. Indeed, who bothers to write letters anymore these days. And we find out that it's Nan, so obviously the stationery set contains some sort of sentimental value. However, we are not given an explanation as for who Nan is and what the sentimental value is to Louisa. So all we get is the skeleton of it and no flesh, I would link it how why that stationer set matters to Louisa other than it was given to her by Nan when she was little.
We get a clear image of Louisa's voice, you've done quite a good job of developing her even though it's just these really mundane things. But you can also make those mundane things have a meaning, you're here to tell a story not narrating that moving houses have a lot of boxes. Show us what's in those boxes, there's a lot of boxes, ok, what's in them? You don't have to go through every box, but make the action have a meaning. Pick someone she caught her eye on, maybe it's a memory of Tish and Louisa together so we get an idea of who Tish is as well.
I would actually swap paragraph three with paragraph two actually, it flows and connects in a better way. Paragraph three made me what the reason is behind Louisa not talking, and as Lavvie suggested the letter feels emotionally detached. But in my opinion, I feel this isn't a bad thing. Letters, especially one to someone whom they haven't talked in a period of time does feel slightly detached. What I want to suggest is that, do less of telling and narrating of what's going on. Describe instead, use imagery, examples of her new environment. You guessed it, it's the old 'show and tell'.
Paragraph four you could probably nix, if you got rid it it wouldn't have made a difference. It's just there taking up space. You can merge paragraph five with paragraph three, once again. Expand on her environment, what are her neighbors like?
The rest of the chapter I'm just going to sum up. It's repeating what we already know in the first half of the chapter and the second half just seems to be a variation of it. Think of a song in binary form, your chapter is a bit like that and we don't want that. I know there's going to be a plot but just from reading this I wouldn't know because Louisa just seem to be telling us the day to day things. There are several things missing in this first chapter, why did Louisa move houses? What's her background like? What's her new environment like?
I feel like what I'm getting at the moment is a very narrow slice of Louisa's life at the moment, she's going into year twelve, she has a best friend name Tish, she has currently moved and life is strange but not bad.
So what exactly does that tell me about the rest of the story, what makes Louisa Louisa? I want specific traits and things that's associated with her, things that only she contains. Her memories, her experiences. There are plenty of chances for you to explore those, take something small, expand on it, and make it meaningful.
I look forward to reading future chapters! And shall you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me.
-Flite
Thanks so much! For some reason, I don't seem to get notifs when you review my stuff (I didn't get one when you reviewed the first chapter of TDWNF either). But anyway, this is really helpful, and definitely stuff I'll take into consideration. Thanks again <3
Hi Sarah,
Here I am at last to review the very first chapter of Postscripts. This is terribly exciting, I must admit.
I'm really liking the fluidity of your writing style. Everything seems rather effortless and smooth and you've definitely pulled off a tone that I think suits the strange, somewhat indifferent, perplexity letter that Louisa has written. There is something so terribly average about this girl that I find her endearing and intriguing already, and highly relatable. There is nothing (so far) that sets her out from any other normal human being and I think that this is a strength that you should try and hold onto, or at least preserve some part of it for the remainder of your novel.
That being said, I am also hoping that Tish is a much more enthusiastic and colourful character. Yes, Louisa's average-ness is appealing, but too much of it can be dull and, as it stands, there is nothing that necessarily excited me about her letter. That's not to say it is bad - in fact, it is very well-written - but there is nothing that plucks my interest immediately. Perhaps I am being an impatient reader and that is very likely, but I feel as if Louisa's letter is very much one shade of grey. I understand that she is slightly morose, missing her old home and friends, and that this is also the first chapter, so perhaps my review is one of the future, one that will provide insight for what should be written so that this chapter will stand out more as an average, every day letter.
I don't know what your plans for Tish are, but I encourage you to perhaps have her be the exciting half of Louisa, the friend who is extroverted and a little less pondering/mopey. It feels like Louisa is just going through the paces of being newly-moved in to a place she knows nothing about. Perhaps Tish will write notes of enthusiastic encouragement and optimistic news? By creating a character who positively contrasts the personality of Louisa, the character of Louisa will shine more brightly and impatient readers will perhaps see the value in a more down-to-earth and thoughtful protagonist.
The other thing about this letter is that it feels emotionally distanced, which is just weird for a letter. I feel like Louisa is kind of withholding some part of herself in her letter and that I am just getting a very outsider's view of what's going on in her life right now. I imagine any person reading the letter (including Tish) might get the same sense, but maybe this is just because of the mundane events that are being relayed. Yet, mundane events do not necessarily have to be relayed in a mundane fashion.
So, in my rambling review, I think I have reached a conclusion (which is also your challenge): make the mundane un-mundane. In other words, take something so average and make it exciting. Right now, things are just running a little bland (and that's not bad at all) and you need to throw in some salt and pepper to spice things up a bit and to hold reader's interest. Maybe describe the new place Louisa is living in and be creative with your descriptions - how might Louisa interpret them, what sort of expectations does she have for this new place? Tish seems like someone who is a bit more on top of things, so maybe Louisa is requesting her to look up some cute cafes or awesome events that will be happening in this new place. In some sense, I feel like Tish might be the person to help Louisa feel more comfortable in the new place without even actually being present.
As you can tell, I'm really excited to meet Tish and I have big expectations for her.
Overall, I think that the letter is interesting. There is nothing extraordinary about it, but I definitely have a feel for the character of Louisa (at least, I think I do) and you've already made me really excited to meet this Tish person, and perhaps this is because of Louisa's intense missing of her old home. It's very well written and the tone that you have established in amazingly realistic and relatable. There was nothing stressing; everything felt relaxed and paced and that's good.
As always, if you have any questions/comments/concerns, feel free to bother me somehow, either in chat or via PM.
Faithfully,
Lavvie
Thank yooouuuu!
I can definitely see what you mean about there being a little too much mundane-ness with this chapter. It was something I was aware of and a little worried about when I was writing the chapter, so your feedback is super helpful!
Hope she delivers! 
I'm hoping that Tish will be the more dynamic of the two of them - that's the aim anyway! She's definitely different to Louisa, so I'm hoping for a nice contrast there.
Thanks again.
I enjoyed reading this as I found it to sound realistic as a teen writing it. I thought you nailed the feelings that come with moving to a new community and many of Louisa's observations were interesting to read. I liked the bit about "I wish I more interesting things to tell you about", as I use that phrase a bunch while writing to old friends! The only concern I have is the audience's interest, will there be a story line to these letters? To keep people reading from one chapter to the next?
Anyways, keep up the good work, PM me if you have any questions!
Can't wait for the next chapter
Thamks for the review.
There will be a story line, and the letters won't make up the entirety of it - they just break it up a little. The letters are a part of the plot though, hence why I started with one. Thanks again.
thanks*
If I were Tish I would be very happy to get this letter.
For a letter, it is written very well. The grammer has very little errors and everything transitions well. I wonder who is the audience for this letter? What is a purpose of writing it? Did you write it in real life and it actually went to a friend? Why did you want it critiqued?
I ask this because it I don't think it is for entertaining your audience it's too mundane. It's definitely relatable but not interesting, for me anyway.
Overall the letter is the written well, intellectually, and is identifiable it just doesn't catch my interest.
Thanks for the review
The letter's not my own, it's the thing that kinda prompts the action in the story. The majority of the story will be told in a more traditional narration-y way, interspersed with some more letters.It's not my letter, it's the character's, just to clarify. Thanks for the feedback.