Untitled Poem #4

by TriO
  • July 14, 2012
  • Poetry
The night moves by in a steady blur
in time with the rhythm of a laptop's whirr,
as he types with a passion, which he thinks is smart
as he puts down in words what he thinks is art.
 
Yet words lack their meaning without context or contest;
definition is lost when none are addressed,
but that is what makes those words into lines;
it's what turns his verses into paradigms.
 
His ovation is silent, and he is all but a name;
his path leads to most things, but never to fame,
for his works are mediocre, and barely thought out;
he is simply a freelance with nought to write about.
 
So when the red curtain falls inside his head,
when he gives up writing for a real job instead,
he will put down his pen, he will stand up to bow,
he will not do an encore; that, he will vow.
 
When the red curtain falls inside his head,
his mind goes onwards past his own bed,
where a million words glow in the gaze of the moon;
though the ending comes swiftly, it's always too soon.
 
Comments & reviews · 2
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Andsoonandso
Review
Andsoonandso wrote a review · Sun Jul 15, 2012 6:56 am

Hey, I really enjoyed this. I especially the first line of the second stanza. I think this really captures the fear of a lot of writers, that fear of being only marginally competent, doomed to the obscurity writing away for no one. I feel like most, if not, all writers go through a period of self doubt during which they fear the type of lack of awareness that this character exhibits. Only one criticism. Some of the arcane language I found to be a bit distracting, namely the word "naught." It doesn't quite gel with a poem that also uses the word "laptop", and almost makes the poem seem parodic at that point. I think it would do a lot for the word to edit that out.

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Rainn
Review
Rainn wrote a review · Sat Jul 14, 2012 9:04 pm

This is a very, very, beautiful poem.
Wow.

In the first stanza, you have beautiful words and thought. Maybe there is a person somewhere, typing away his life. Trying to compose something beautiful, but to smug to realize his mistakes?

The second stanza is beautiful as well, with just as much meaning as the first.

Third: I love how the two first lines of this one came out! Beautiful.

On the fourth: Again, lots of emotion coming from this.

Fifth: A magnificent ending for beautiful poem.

Overall

Overall, this poem gives an extremely strong feeling. I can feel it inside me. It makes you think. Your rhyming is excellently done, and the flow of this poem is beautiful. Your story is beautiful. Amazing job.

Can't wait to read more of your works.

~Rainn



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