(To everyone I've met on this site. To everyone I'm going to miss (everyone).)
So, my last day, I hope you understand
I never wanted this, it's not something I planned
with pen nor paper but a lack of cash in hand
and the pressures of trying to commit to a band.
Now, I know you may wonder
what point there is to this;
surely it's better to vanish
and be missed?
Well, as cruel as it is to all
but myself,
I wanted to leave in good spirit
and good health.
There are many faces, or names at least
and most of them like me;
some say I'm a beast;
but to them I wish well and I wish them god-speed,
and hope I'll be with them in their times of need.
So, put me aside, and enjoy all the time 'til,
but remember I love you, and I always will.
<3 <3 <3
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
I agree with Kyllorac about the rhythm--either you could work a little more on changing up the words until you get the rhythm back, or you could more easily reestablish this as free verse. Rhythm is something you have to be sure if you're adopting in the beginning, and stick with it for the rest of the poem. As for leaving, I'm sure we'll certainly miss you, but life does get busy and hectic sometimes. I haven't been back on in years myself.
seany bear! your leaving me for good?? I wanna cry!
Sorry to see you go. But you will be back. YWS has an unnatural tendency to make its siren call heard years later, when the time is ripe and you are ready to return. So sayeth a voice of experience. ;P
That said, you lost your rhythm in the second stanza, and you never quite regained it. I felt that you sacrificed rhythm for rhyme, which is self-defeating considering how much rhyme relies upon rhythm to work.
Instead, I think, rather than restricting yourself to a rhyming scheme, it would have been better to pour out your feelings in free verse, else switch between rhyming schemes. As it stands, you lose a fair chunk of sincerity to the forced rhymes and sacrificed rhythm.
That said, there's still plenty of sincerity left to go around.
Hope to see you again in the (hopefully not so far, but probably eons in internet-time) future.
Aw this was really sweet! I haven't talked to you before, but I wish you good luck!
:):)