Young Writers Society

Hey, buddy. You're my closest and dearest friend so... I'm gonna tear this to pieces!
Anyway, though I'm your friend I'm here to review. Deal with it! I'll be hitting up your other work here shortly. You're probably asleep upstairs, but oh well. You'll see this in the morning!
Okay! First things first. The title. Although I understand what it's about, Mary just doesn't seem like a fit title for it.
Secondly! The flow is... Choppy. Its good in some parts, but like the lines,"Sittin' in my ol' Chevy
Finding some slight room to breathe
Watching the stars from the pier," it gets... Well, choppy. And that same flow repeats later as well.
Thirdly! These lines,"And the many things I have seen
There is no point to it, though," the use of,"it," bugs me. "It," would mean a singular problem, although the previous line says,"many," so it's contradicting itself.
And, another thing. Rhyming. It has absolute rhymes in some parts, yet lacks anything remotely close to a rhyme in other lines. I think a rhyme scheme, or no rhyme at all, is preferable. Considering the genre, and the style, going back and forth makes it seem kind of sloppy.
But, hey man, it's your song! I wasn't trying to be rude or harsh, but it's my opinions that I stated! I hope you continue your work, and I look forward to us writing together this week!
Sincerely- MatthewAaron.

Hi trelose

I am becca, I love the lyrics a lot and I honestly think that they're great and well expressed.

hope to read more of your writing!

hi, this is kman134, here and i'm here to review.

all-in-all, this is a pretty romantic, yet dramatic, song; the lyres were deep and well-written and the grammar is pretty structured.

"Oh, Mary, did you fall in love?"

the first part is what got me with the singer asking if the woman he loves is already in love with someone one else. it was very compelling.

Hope you write more.

Howdy! Sunset here to review, but you can call me Sun.

As you can see, I am here to review this piece of yours. First reaction? This piece kind of reminds me of a western type of poem, with the words shortened with the 's. I kind of like it though, it adds nice feel to me. But I don't know if it's just me or not. That's what makes this poem different than others I've seen, this is a different kind of style, from someone who lives in a different place than someone else. I think it's unique and nice of a style, one to consider to add in other poems you make possibly?
Another habit in here that I found was the questions. This seemed to be a theme of your poem, to have questions throughout the poem. I like poems with a certain characteristic that makes them what it is, depending on the author.

I have this pet peeve - nothing of a big deal or anything, just a grammatical error.

But know all the things I will be
And all the sins that I'll clean