Published February 23, 2010
Took me long enough to post... hehe... Tell me what you think and please leave a comment! I'll appreciate it if you help me spot things I wouldn't notice. Thanks and I hope you Enjoy!
The next day the group was to set off for a place Milhad called Aether Terranum. A great celebration was taking place in the city streets as the trio passed by the city. When they reached the city’s edge, there were three white, winged horses waiting.
“Daughter, take this with you. It will help. I know it will.” whispered Myrina to Kala while handing her a small, animal skin pouch.
“Goodbye Mother.” Kala replied as she kissed her mother on the cheek.
“We wish you all good luck!” Myrina said to all of them as they climbed the winged horses. Joshua and Milhad, who did not know how to ride flying horses, were fumbling with the reins and steering as their horses started to move.
"Hold on tightly. The equina might be a bit too fast but you must trust it." Kala said to the two as she gently stroked the neck of her mount. They both nodded. "Ha!" she cried, and with that, the equina took them into the sky.
Kala’s equina led the way and not much control was needed to guide the horses for they were trained to bring them to the different colonies. The first of which, was the floating city of Aether Terranum.
They flew during the cool mornings and late afternoons and walked during noon after eating lunch. At night they made camp. On the third night, they made camp in a forest clearing. They took a stroll northward because Kala said she wanted to see an old friend and get something that they needed. As they were walking through the thick vegetation, they were shocked when they stumbled upon an acre of burnt forest.
“As far as I can tell, this forest was just ravaged by a fire a few days ago.” Milhad said with a sad face as he examined the ashes.
“The fire was caused by an attack on the divatas.” Kala said with a stern face “If they were still here we would have been welcomed into their kingdom most warmly. Many of them were my friends.” she said as she rummaged through the ashes.
A small figure, no larger than the palm of a hand, lay there, seemingly lifeless, but, it was still moving. Kala picked it up. It had small wings and pointy ears and it wore scorched clothes. Kala took out of the satchel given to her by her mother; a string of colored stones was what it held. She picked out a violet piece and put it into her mouth. She placed her hand on the burned ‘divata’, as Milhad called it, and then closed her eyes. Her hands seemed to glow, then, when she uncovered the tiny creature, it came to life. It was the most beautiful thing Joshua had ever seen. It flew upwards, twirled around, took a look at itself and cleared its throat. Then it started to sob.
“Kala!" exclaimed the creature as it flew upward into the air, meeting Kala's eyes. "Thank you, fair Kala, but you are too late, for every single fairy has died at the hands of hate…” said the divata as it was choking with tears. It descended onto Kala’s palm.
Oh that there was such a sight! Two of the most beautiful creatures Joshua had ever seen. One was crying, the other comforting.
“Hush friend, it is going to be alright.” Kala said. “Now tell me Kashka, what happened to Queen Rhea?”
The divata’s eyes widened and suddenly it took off. Kala followed the quick speck of light through the burnt trees and at the base of the largest stump it stopped. She suddenly sang beautifully in an unknown language. The stump started to shake, the ash shook off and a side of the trunk fell down. The three peered inside. A faint golden glow was pulsating, the divata quickly flew inside and it came out with another one, dressed in a majestic gown and had golden butterfly wings. The first divata was assisting her to walk because the other’s wing was broken.
“Rhea!” exclaimed Kala “What happened to you, dear friend?” her voice was like a loud whisper being choked with tears. But she Kala was not showing any sign of it on her face.
“It was the most terrible sight, burning and slashing in the dead of the night. They came and they killed as they searched for the stone, which we have kept till the savior comes home.” she said with a silvery voice.
“Did they get it?” asked Milhad anxiously. Queen Rhea shook her head.
“Good, we need it now Queen Rhea. The savior is here. He is here with us right now.” said Kala. “But first I need to heal you.”
Again, Kala put a violet stone in her mouth again and then she put her hands on Queen Rhea. She closed her eyes and concentrated. She took deep breaths and her hands glowed again.
She uncovered Rhea and Rhea took a deep breath and stretched. Her wing was now mended and she flew to the eye level of the three.
“Clavier, ere?” asked Rhea.
“This is the hero, Joshua Adam of Earth.” Milhad pointed proudly at Joshua who sat down on a burnt tree.
When the divatas saw Joshua, he looked like a wreck with twigs in his hair and scratches all over his legs. He grinned and waved before the log he was sitting on broke and crashed. The divatas started to laugh which sounded like tinkling bells. Then Rhea put her hand on her mouth and stopped laughing when Kala gave them a serious stare.
“This is the hero of Pelianor? He looks as if he has never done anything before.” Rhea said as she chuckled.
“Hey, I take offense to that!” Joshua said after hearing them.
“Yes, that is the supposed hero. Never mind, where is the tablet?” asked Kala urgently.
Rhea pointed at the stump. Kala took out a knife and pried the top off of the stump. Inside, she saw it, an old tablet with ancient writings. Milhad took it out and blew the dust off.
“How is a rock going to help us? Unless that is the weapon, that’s pretty useless.” Joshua smirked.
“That’s where you are wrong my friend. This is the ancient Eledaren tablet. This is the key to finding the weapon.” Milhad said in amazement.
They offered to bring Rhea and the other divata to Aether Terranum and drop them off there to stay.
"Thank you friends. Kashka and I will stay there till we fully recover. Then we shall return to search for other survivors." The Golden fairy sighed with sadness.
The next day, they reached their destination. The floating city, Aether Terranum.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Writingspitfire: She was walking because she couldn't fly with a broken wing. Thanks for the comments guys!
Hey there TH! Sorry it took me so long to get to the fourth chapter; I thought I had read it all, but remembered I'd stopped in the middle 'cause I had to leave
So, here I go!
I don't think she should say friend again, it just seems weird to say it twice
Weren't they flying? I don't think they would be walking or else
You forgot to put Kala or she before "put"
This part seems skipped, like you didn't want to really get into it. However, considering that they're leaving where they were and getting to their destination, I'd go deeper into it. Like explain their offer, the divatas accepted, they got back to their mounts and then they headed towards AT. Then mention that they finally arrived the next day. I'd suggest making the part longer, longer sentences since it is a good period of time.
All in all, good chapter!
PM me when you post the next one
Okay, here I am for chapter four!
Again, I really like your story, especially now that they're going on their quest; I'm excited!
Hm, this is a little confusing. Directions? For what? How to ride the horses or where they're going?
I really like this line!
I like this line; however, it's quite the run on. Try breaking it up so that it reads better, like this: "The divatas looked at Joshua, who was quite the wreck between the twigs in his hair and the scratches on his legs. Joshua glanced up with a wide smile and waved, just as the log he was sitting on broke and crashed." You see how it doesn't leave the reader quite so breathless?
Again, I'd really like to have more details and descriptions of everything. Also, keep an eye on the dialogue and punctuation.
Looking forward to the next part!