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Moonlight

by TranscendingIllusion


Gathering on the shore,
Clusters of clams cuddle close together;
Enduring the cold;
 
Gusts of wind sweep the sand,
Cracks in rocks circulate and whistle;
Emerging from their shells, hermit crabs make there were to the sea.
 
Gas is smog as the fire burns.
Clouds of poison fill the air,
Ember flames turn cold as the sun sets.
 
Glowing green irises pierce the shadows.
Crying wolfs on the hill howl their sorrows.
Emerging from the shadows, wolf pups are eager to hunt.
 
Generated, a distinctive green flash covers the sky.
Cinders of beauty fill the sky, for that second; everything is beautiful.
Eyes are all rendered numb as they gaze upon the glow.
 
Glaciers glisten as a new twilight begins.
Crystals collapse and the set sun is vacant and has been replaced,
Edged, the moon is revealed behind the clouds.
 
Garden full of fireflies brighten up the ground as they wait to be caught.
Collectively moths flutter in masses to consume the light.
Exposures to the night as the insects explore the dark.
 
Galloping auroras paint the night sky with the most breathtaking colours.
Currents of waves in the sky shift and change direction as nature dances freely.
Elegant waves of brilliance dazzle the creatures below as the sky is lit up.
 
Gentle light illuminates azure in the celestial sphere.
Calyx night gladiolus bloom in the radiance,
Effulgent moonlight is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard;


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116 Reviews


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Fri Mar 15, 2013 7:20 pm
InfinityAndBeyond wrote a review...



Hi, I'll be reviewing your poem today :)

Firstly this is a very lovely poem, i love how much imager you've incoporated into you poem and the outstanding volcabulary you've used. I really like the descriptions and explanationd of your poem in general, the simplicity of the topic, of the moonlight and expanding on it was very creative.

However there are some minor things I'd like to suggest to your poem, in particular grammar and punctuation. As much as i like your volcabulary here i'd suggest you try to tone done the big words and just let the imagery do the talking because some of the words distract the beauty of it and complicates the flow of your poem. Good thought behind it though.

"Gusts of wind sweep the sand,
Cracks in rocks circulate and whistle;
Emerging from their shells, hermit crabs make there were to the sea."

Here your third line should be;
Emerging from their shells,
hermit crabs make their way to sea.

Overall great poem, you can PM me or something if you want/need another review, hope i was of help to you. Keep up the good work.

- Infinity






Thanks for the review ^.^ Glad that you liked it :) Sorry about my spelling error, I always seem to leave one in. And as for the big words, I think its just more, once I find the word that I'm looking for to describe a word I stick with it, no matter the size :')

Thanks again :)



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Tue Mar 12, 2013 6:57 pm
NicoleBri wrote a review...



Hello, I am Pandabear7, I am new to YWS. My review is probably going to be a little suckish but oh well. Anywho, I love the imagery, It made it feel as if I was standing there looking at everything. I love the words you chose to add too, such as, "Calyx night gladious bloom in the radiance, Effulgent moonlight is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard." It was nice.


God bless!






That was a great review thank you :') Glad that you liked the poem and the words that I used :D I spend a lot of time picking the right ones haha

Thanks again



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Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:29 pm
drinkonthemoon wrote a review...



Hi!
Oooh, I love imagery so was looking forward to reading this.

Just to correct the previous reviewer, it is actually "their way to the sea."

I enjoyed this, particularly your use of imagery and metaphoric language. For example, one of my favourite lines was "Glowing green irises pierce the shadows." Very nice! Not too generic, but original. Sometimes, people use metaphors that we hear everyday in colloquial language (I do it too) and they lack originality.

Your alliteration in the first stanza was very nice with all the "c" sounds. However, they sound a little harsh. Your alliteration could even become onomatopoeia, perhaps using sibilance (so, repetition of s) or w? Just my personal opinion, but I think those sounds reflect the tone of the poem.

Your vocabulary is good and extremely broad, however a little jargony. I had to google a few of the words (I could, of course, just be stupid or have a limited vocabulary in comparison) but just be careful of that. When you're trying to create mood and imagery, its not ideal for the reader to be confused over some of the words.


Overall though, I liked it!

Helen :-)






Thank you for the review Helen, its always nice to see that I've done okay haha

I love using metaphors, and i always stay away from the cliche ones, I like to think of new original ones, thank you for noticing :)

And i agree actually, using 's' instead of 'c' would definitely given it a soft sound :) thank you for pointing that out ^.^ it was only because each start letting for each stanza was 'g' 'c' 'e' :) the reference to moonlight at the end, is the song moonlight sonata, the first 3 notes are g, c, e :)

And sorry I like to use different words because it gives the poem a new feel to it, instead of using words everyone has heard; but I'll have to balance it out more :)

Thanks again for the review :D



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Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:27 pm
drinkonthemoon says...



..




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Mon Mar 11, 2013 6:56 pm
Jonathan says...



(There way to the sea) not (there were to the sea)
What is smog.
It is beautiful poem.






Damn ill have to correct that, and smog is a a gassy kind of poisonous or polluted smoke :) And thank you :')




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