A.J.
Certain things have driven me crazy
All these useless and crappy things you want me to see
You said you see yourself in me.
How could that be?
We’re terribly different and we’re not even that close.
You enjoy yourself with tea parties and planting a rose.
You’re totally nuts about Beethoven and Mozart’s musical,
Playing every day their minor songs and all.
I love rock and pop music for all you know,
But you always pit it off after shouting at me that is so.
I always wear my own simple clothes and simple shoes
But you insist on making me wear that leather pricey boots
I love painting nature at its stillest moments
But you arranged a classical piano lesson which for me, is a predicament.
I love dancing to the up beat tunes of hip hop music
But you made me join a ballet lesson that immensely hurt my feet.
I endured all these social behaviors of yours
But one night changed everything, of course.
You made me wear that stripy satin gown
And three-inched black stilettos. (Goodness, I just wanna drown!)
“Behave yourself and show to my friends how sociable and prim you are.”
You whispered to my ear.
“Mom, I can’t. I’m not who they think I am. I don’t wanna front.”
I whispered back, delaying the tears.
“I see myself in you, honey. I was once a good pianist, socialite, passionate
and dedicated child.” You said.
“But I’m not you, mom.” I reasoned then.
“You are me. You have no choice but to be like me. I’m presenting you
to my friends and colleagues right now. They must see how you are like me.”
You said earnestly.
Tears now filled my eyes…
Why can’t you understand this right?
Defending my own identity made me decide
I had to end this pretentious strife.
I changed my clothes to the real me.
I wore on comfortable rubber shoes too
I removed all traces of heavy make-up
Took my bass guitar and a rock song began to start.
Every guest turned to look for that ear-ringing sound
And found the Estee Lauder Cosmetics’ president’s daughter with that guitar.
“Before y’all decide to make me the next president
of the Estee Lauder Cosmetics, you need to know who I really am.
Not as the president’s daughter. Not as the company’s heiress.
Not as the valedictorian’s sister. Not as the Ambassador’s niece.
Not as Miss Alexandra Juliana Montgomery, but as the real me. A.J.”
Now, I don’t need to front and hide my identity anymore.
‘Cause this is me, myself and I, so better just deal with it.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there!
I definitely would second the nitpicks mentioned by the user above me, but in terms of my own thoughts and feelings, I think that this poem needs to go "under the knife". By this I mean that it would benefit from some line break ups because at some points some of the structural effects that could be achieved are being lost out on because of the length of some of your lines. If you have a good edit of this, I think this beautiful piece will come more to life and there will be something truly excellent here! Anyway, I enjoyed this a lot! Keep up the writing and I hope this helps.
Ben
Heya, this was a very nice piece
*Hits Like Button.*
There were a few nit-picks:
I think this should be "in me".
Should be "we're not even that close"
I'm not sure about the so. Were yout rying to say, that it is so...!!! Or did you forget a word?
behaviors*
Huh? Why is it of course?
The second "back" could be replaced. Rather, leave it out. Rather, you could say:
Comma after I.
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Besides that stuff, I really liked your work here. I recommend Italicizing maybe one or two "you"'s.
Fly On,
Hero.