Hey there!
Wow, this is quite a dark, sinister, and twisted story! The ending was quite spooky; I enjoyed that twist! You did a good job making this story dark and scary. I enjoyed reading it! I have a few things I'd like to point out, if you don't mind 
Things like that, ya know?
I'm curious about your choice to use "ya know" since it's an informal phrase. I'd personally change it to "you know" unless you're going for a more informal approach.
These parents always chalk it up to their kid’s “Imagination” or having had a recent nightmare that shook them to their core, well that’s not the case, not one, little, bit.
You don't need to capitalize "Imagination" unless you're trying to personify it (if that's the case, then pardon me). Also, this is a run-on sentence, which can easily be fixed by replacing "well" with "but" so it reads "...core, but that's not the case..."
or just even making things up to a little bit extra bit of love and attention from their parents before bed.
I think it would sound better if you said" for a little bit of extra love.." instead of "to a little bit extra but of love..." It's a bit wordy as it is now.
What if I told you, those monsters are real, that there really is something in the corner of their room?
You don't need a comma after "What if I told you"
Well, that because there is, and now you may ask, what is it then?
I think you could scratch this sentence, at least the former part, because in the previous sentence you already implied that the monsters are real.
These creatures take shape of what your child fears most, how do they know this though?
A run-on sentence; you can split it into two or put a semicolon instead of a comma after "most"
They watch your child every, single day, all their moves, what they love and don’t love, and most of all, what they fear, stalking them like the prey they are like the predator the creature is.
The very last section of this sentence doesn't read very well; it's a bit hard to understand. Maybe make it into its own sentence?
Whether that is their parents, or a spider, or something they saw on t.v, they used it to their advantage, however, these creatures love turning into things the child loves the most and making it their worst nightmare.
Ooh, very dark and sinister. Another run-on sentence. I'd put a semicolon after "advantage." Also, you use present tense throughout the story, but then switched to past tense with the verb "used" in "...they used it to their advantage..." I would change it to "use" to remain consistent in your tense.
Then when its night, these creatures come out from the opening from their world where ever they may be and travel through the house at night.
I'd rewrite it as "Then when it's night, these creatures come out from the opening from their world, wherever that may be, and travel around the house at night."
“How does a house rest mommy?”
Since the speaker is using "mommy" as a name, it needs to be capitalized to "Mommy" and needs a comma before it.
They mess with the child in subtle ways, by blending in with the shadows but being only slightly blacker to see their outline, they might paralyze the child to make them stare at the creature as it slowly walks up the foot of the bed, taking on whatever form they need to accomplish their needs.
I would start a new sentence at "They might paralyze..."
That’s because the child was taken and eaten by these creatures, they are drained of all the happiness, it removes the candy-like sweet and pure taste these children have, and turns them as sour as the parents who lost their children become as they either weep or divorce each other, it’s their favorite taste.
This is quite a long sentence, and in my opinion, hard to read. I recommend splitting it into several sentences.
Overall, this is a dark and twisted story that you delivered quite well. I enjoyed reading it, and I hope this helped!
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Reviews: 465
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