Published January 14, 2013
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140,143 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Truly beautiful, no... not a good enough word... 'majestic', yeah.
Your unique and remarkable writing style really wring out every emotion that could be present here. It's intriguing, deep and a little twisted. Lovely work!
My main problem is that many of the lines sound kind of awkward. For example, "he looks upon his realm of thoughts he readies to victimize" doesn't sit well with me. It could be the amount of the word 'he', or maybe the punctuation missing in the middle ("thoughts; he readies" perhaps). Also, "he revels among there hatred." I think you used the wrong 'there' (their - but then this assumes that there are multiple people inside your head?). I think that the thing your poem needs are more lines. It feels to me like a lot of the story is missing, and some of my problems with it would probably be fixed by some extra lines. (Also agree with other reviewers.)
All in all though, this is a fantastic poem! At first I was just stunned by your superb vocabulary - the word choice here is exquisite. And now I just want to read more and more or your work.
You are justly brilliant.
Thank-you,
Mith.
By the way, I chose to review this piece of yours because it had the least reviews and I promised to read more of your work. I am very pleased I have.
I really like this!
work.php?id=99054
Positive: Imagery is great. Content and idea is great.
Negative: Might work on grammar/punctuation/etc. Also, your metaphors aren't quite consistent. First he's a judge, then he sits on a throne. Also, "lick my wounds" is dog-like, but there's no other hint at animalistic metaphors until this last line.
I really enjoy the idea of this piece.
I'd be much obliged if you'd look at mine!
Hey! So my review shall be short since the piece is short.
I just want to say that the title brought me in, so that's always good. When I read the piece, I was not disappointed! This was very good. The meaning was terrific and the mood was nice; dark and helpless. My ONLY advice is to just read over it. There are some small mistakes, but none too serious. Revise it, and it'll be even better than it already was. As always, keep writing!