Published June 6, 2011
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141,617 Literary Works • 675,172 Reviews
Hmm...I understand the point you're trying to get across, but I feel like you could have more fun with it
Maybe instead create an argument with Depression, adding imagery and more feeling to it. Like the previous reviewer, I agree it's a bit short and hokey...If you were just trying to make a quick point then it's all good. But for a story itself, it falls short unfortunately :/ Just dive in and have fun with it! You can do it!
Keep writing!
<3 Sara.
I know you were trying to make a point here, but it wasn't good. Perhaps you could write a story in a different way, and include just dialogue? I don't know, but the message came off as a little stale. This story is just a little too hokey for me. This is all just my opinion, maybe someone else would like it? Good luck