Turmoil 3 (mostly storyline and character interaction)

by Torpid

Published April 21, 2006

The two men walked a little ways, sitting down at one of the empty tables already cleaned by a droid.

"How have you been? Where have you been? Youv'e disappeared for four years. No word, harldy any trace. And believe me, I looked." The armored man said, inquiring.

"How have I been? Wow, as good as I could be I suppose, I was runnin' with the rebels, contstantly moving, always fightin'. Communication wasn't too good. You left, and not to long after the skelleys set up their blockade. Cut off the trade, took away medicines, food, rights. You must know by now. But a few of us broke the line, jumped our ships past 'em. We all met up on Naboo and enlisted. Then it was Tatooine, then it was Dantooine, then it was Malastare, and Kashyyk. We went everywhere, until it was just Kayor and I. We'd lost six friends over three years. And even he didn't make it through the attack on the Deathstar. He was in space, and I was on Endor. We never met back up." Aerne decided to stop there, slowly sipping some of the drink he'd ordered.

"Well, As you know the Mando didn't go. I decided not to choose a side. But I took a lot of bounties against the Empire if it makes you feel better, " The Mandolorian added, seeing his friend's face. "Once I finally got back on Iridonia I met up with some of our friends that were still there. They told me what they knew of you, which wasn't much. Then I left, and started out my career. Four years later I'm here, meeting somebody I started to figure was dead. It's just too bad the others didn't make it. But the war's over, least thats what I figure, 'cause the Empire's got no one to control it, and the Rebels are movin' strong. So I figure it's time for a new beginning. You're the first person I called."

"Well, the rebels aren't as organized as you think. And how did you track me down, Zed ?" The Zabrak asked.

The Mandolorian bounty-hunter just looked at him, "It's what I do."

****

The two spent the rest of the day sharing tales with one another, from the four years that they'd been apart. Stories of battles, and losses, and gains, the friends reacquainted themselves with one another.

-------------

I know its a lil rough but help me fix it.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Aug 23, 2020

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: Okayy...I discovered a part 3 to that part 2 which also had less than 2 reviews so here I am attempting to write a review for this one too. This one had a bit more info dumping of backstory than the previous one and while in the previous it was small enough to be fine this I feel is a little too long. Besides that its another very simple scene and I think you've executed it quite well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"How have you been? Where have you been? Youv'e disappeared for four years. No word, harldy any trace. And believe me, I looked." The armored man said, inquiring.


So this bit of exposition is subtle enough. That's totally fine to throw in there. It's the next part that feels like it goes on for maybe a little too long. It's not totally unnatural for someone to narrate where they've been like that but with the size of that paragraph its not the nicest thing to encounter as a reader.

"Well, As you know the Mando didn't go. I decided not to choose a side. But I took a lot of bounties against the Empire if it makes you feel better, " The Mandolorian added, seeing his friend's face. "Once I finally got back on Iridonia I met up with some of our friends that were still there. They told me what they knew of you, which wasn't much. Then I left, and started out my career. Four years later I'm here, meeting somebody I started to figure was dead. It's just too bad the others didn't make it. But the war's over, least thats what I figure, 'cause the Empire's got no one to control it, and the Rebels are movin' strong. So I figure it's time for a new beginning. You're the first person I called."


Well that's sounds a little sad there with so many of his friends having dies.

The two spent the rest of the day sharing tales with one another, from the four years that they'd been apart. Stories of battles, and losses, and gains, the friends reacquainted themselves with one another.


Hmm this is actually pretty interesting. I might even attempt to track down any more parts should more parts exists.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: This was a really fun story to read. Definitely was written written pretty well. The only advice I would give is to break up the chunks of backstory with some classic friendly banter at least so that its easier on the reader. Besides that this was really well written. Great Job!

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

User avatar
Neo Eclipse
Comment
Neo Eclipse commented Comment · Jul 30, 2006

Hey! I'm a SW geek!
Very nice. Very vague, but nice. Hope ya don't mind me not commenting on grammar (I'm horrible at english). The timeline is difficult to pinpoint, but other than that, it's all goooooood. Keep 'em coming.

User avatar
Torpid
Comment
Torpid commented Comment · Apr 26, 2006

ok i know its a lil rough, and its never been a very peopular story but come on guys. No replies? its been a long time. no SW geeks out there?



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