Published December 30, 2007
Hi! I'm new to the site and also to writing lyrics, but it's a lot of fun and I don't think that these are the last lyrics I'll write.
_ _ _
The coffee shop
has that air
of crisp over care
It's hard to stay in our seats
Hard to stay
stay away
Chorus
The coffee's bitter
Why'd I wear this stupid glitter?
I bet he's wishing that I came from
a more sophisticated litter
I have no plan to save the night
no trick to be cool
Conversation seems useless
when glitter talks for you
Bridge
Glitter dolls
aren't made of glass
Don't seem like we're tough
but deep down we're brass
We're dressed up dork divas
and we act with our hearts
And that's better class
than you'll ever get by far
_ _ _
A/N: Edited and I might add more, I do realize that it's quite short now ^ ^;;
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,397 Reviews
Hey,
You have a nice flow in most places and a neat topic. As Quippie said, it is a bit short and I think this is definetly worth continuing
I have one or two issues though:
You start off talking about being in a coffe shop and don't mention glitter at all in the first part:
Then in the chorus you start mentioning it:
And suddenly the coffee isn't mentioned at all anymore and you're talking about glitter.
Try not starting off a song with one thing and then ending up talking about something completely different.
Maybe you can bring up the glitter earlier and connect it to your sourrounding in the coffee shop? (Maybe talk about people giving you bewildered looks, because of the glitter or something like that?)
Hope this helps you.
Keep it up
~Kalli
Oh, just basic awkwardness I feel about what I'm wearing/how my stance is when I'm with someone. I thought Glitter was a big thing, because if you like someone, I think it can be seen as pretty beautiful, but if you're someone's enemy, you can easily claim it's cheap.
Yeah, I think it's sort of short to, and I might lengthen it a bit sometime next week, but I'm too lazy to right now >w>
About the apostrophe, I thought that people would comment on how I didn't have a word in front of don't.
Yeah, as I said, I don't usually do lyrics. I'm more into stories and such. Thank you for the tips.
Hmm... pretty good, but it was really short. I think you'd need more verses to make a song, no?
Interesting topic. Originality is always a plus. Umm... punctuation?
And there was this:
" 'Don't seem like we're tough "
why the apostrophe in front of Don't?
interesting lyrics though. Keep writing.
Interesting. What moved you to write this piece?