The Adventures of Jake and Isabelle "Chap. 1"

The Adventures of Jake and Isabelle

And the Treasure of Agrusmus

“Gather ‘round the campfire children. Dingo is goin’ to tell us a story.” The soft, sweet voice of the nanny echoed through the large stone hall. The giddy children all ran over to where an old man sat. Dingo was his name. Between you and me, his real name was Shawn, but he found that too ordinary, not fitting his personality at all. Dingo fit him much better, so that is what he went by. His silver hair and smiling, sweet disposition told you everything you needed to know about him. He’d been around for a very long time and was finally the oldest man in the castle. That being the case, he had a knack for fun, entertaining, and inspirational story telling. The children adored him.

“Hush, hush now children!” The woman spoke up again. All the children in the kingdom just adored Dingo, some even calling him Grandpa D or some variation of nickname.

As the fire began roaring in its stone prison, Dingo crept his large rocking chair forward. “Okay children! You have your choice of adventures today. Before I suggest some, any requests?” He gestured opening his hands towards the little children. How he loved them! Little did they know it, but he enjoyed their excitement for his stories as much as they enjoyed his telling of them. It was quite a sweet thing for a man of Dingo’s age to have in his late years of life.

A sweet little girl with a smile that could charm a lion spoke up in front, “Prencess Ishibull!” Her young age not quite giving her the quality of adult speech, but communicate, she sure did! All the girls in the audience giggled in giddy agreement. Princess Isabelle sure was a favorite among them.

One older boy piped up in defense, “But surely you would include Sir Jake in the story, wouldn’t you ‘D’?”

At the mention of Sir Jake, all the boys jeered and smiled. It appeared everyone would be satisfied by whichever adventure Dingo decided to take the children on.

Dingo rocked in his chair for a moment, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. The only sound heard was the roaring fire and the wood creaking under the old man. Clearly, he was thinking of which adventure would be best to tell. After two minutes of quiet reflection, Dingo snapped his eyes open and sat forward quickly with a broad grin on his face. “Oh kids! Have I got a story for you!” All the kids looked around in giddy excitement. Dingo had a way of radiating happiness to each of them. What a gift!

The story went on for hours. Oohs and ahs from boys and girls echoed around the stone hall. Later in the evening, as parents began collecting their kids, they began listening to the story as well. Soon enough, nearly the whole town was in the grand hall listening to Dingo tell his wondrous adventure. Little did they know, though, that this story was not a story after all! It was a history lesson.

Now, I bet you are wondering what Dingo’s story was . . . I guess it would be almost cruel not to fill you in on something that the whole town now got to experience. The hardest part will be to see if I can do Dingo’s adventure the justice that a story of its magnitude deserves. It is hard, being much younger than Dingo, to get all the facts and description correct that just comes naturally to him because he had lived it. None the less, I shall do my best . . .

Once upon a time, in this very land . . .

“Isabelle? Are you still in bed?” A woman in castle garb, knocked on the large wooden door. The sound echoed through the hallway, the very hall we sit in now, in fact!

Being annoyed and a rather impatient woman, if I do say so myself (she became my nanny later on so I would know), she barged into the Princess’ room. How rude right girls? Anyone knows you must wait for a girl to answer your knock. You don’t go barging in uninvited.

On this occasion though, disaster was avoided. Rather, that disaster was unnoticed. The Princess was not in her room! Now this woman, being prettier than a spring flower in her early years, was gradually becoming more and more distraught. Watching this princess had become her full time job, and it was proving to be more than she was up for. To be fair, the princess was too smart, too witty, and too beautiful for anyone in the castle to keep up with, let alone a woman with a full family of her own to worry about.

Ah, but enough about this poor lass ‘till later. All you need to know is that she alerted the king and queen after a few hours of searching that she had “misplaced” the princess. They, meaning the king and queen, were kind and understanding. They told her to go home and sleep, the princess was fully capable of handling even the most dangerous brute in the kingdom. She was always getting herself into sticky situations, but no permanent harm had ever befallen her, so all’s well. Even at the young age of sixteen she had acquired a reputation of being uncannily quick and witty.

Now you kids have heard many stories about both Jake and Isabelle, but this may very well be the earliest story, in their life, that I’ve ever told you. It was, in fact, about the time Jake and Isabelle had started becoming friends. Ah, but for the new listeners in the audience I will explain who Jake is for you, the experienced listeners feel free to ignore me and drift in your imagination to thoughts of the castle and adventure.

Jake had been born to a man of great respect, his name being Shawn. In fact, I was named after this man. I never did get to meet him, but the love the king had for this man was enough of a history lesson on his life as any story could have been. After growing up together, Shawn died in defense of his friend, the king. The king being a just and loving man, took Jake in as his own son, his only son in fact. Jake and Isabelle had always been acquaintances in the castle, but when Jake became her brother-of-sorts, they were forced to get to know each other.

Now, this is not like any of those nasty other fairytales. This family was in fact quite kind and loving to one another, that including Jake as well. If Isabelle had ever treated him as an outsider, the king would have quickly set her straight. He was family, for good, and no title should influence how you love or treat someone.

Jake was fifteen when his father died. Now being three years later, he was the age of knighthood. The king had been working with town officials to change the Joelville constitution to get him fully instated as a Prince of the Kingdom, but it had yet to be finished. For now, he is just Jake; fun-loving, lovable, kind, and charitable Jake.

He and Isabelle had grown up as siblings, loving and teasing just like you kids do. However, only recently had they begun taking adventures together outside the castle. They made a great team; journeying through the forest and farms, swimming through rivers, sailing on the ocean, climbing mountains, sleeping in caves. Their adventures became legends throughout the kingdom and the envy of friends and noblemen, alike.

I

Comments & reviews · 5
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SmylinG
Review
SmylinG wrote a review · Thu Feb 24, 2011 7:35 pm

This was a very creatively written little piece of work you have here :) I enjoyed reading the composition of your words, It all held my attention so well. Not boring at all. The story was sweet and endearing. Although I wish I had more to read! But I suppose that's a really good thing. Keep the reader wanting more. I appreciate your talent very much. Keep up the great work and continue creating more beautiful works as this one here :)

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PaulClover
Review

Paul here! You've been reviewing my (poorly edited and typo-ridden) stuff for so long, that I thought it was time that I returned the favor by reviewing (and definitely enjoying the heck out of) some of your stories. :)

First of all, I must say that I absolutely adore the voice you've adopted for this story. It's almost like watching a film with a voice-over, and it definitely helps pull the reader into the story. I like the framing of the story as well, though it is a tad misleading to make us believe that Dingo will be the narrator when it turns out to be Shawn; however, I would still keep it in, as it's a nice framing device and helps establish the world and feel of the story.

All these cool things and yet...where's the rest of it ;) If I were you, I would label this Ch.1 (or maybe Prologue?) C'mon, nothing's worse than an unfinished story! *Shamefully, I think of the dozens and dozens of folders filled with "Chapter Ones" that clutter my laptop*

Anyway, I really dug this :) Aside from a couple of grammatical errors, this is awesome! Hope you finish it!

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Tommybear
Comment

Thanks for the review both of you :D another chapter should be coming tomorrow or saturday, i'd love for you to read them. Dudette thanks for the advice, i enjoy those changes and will likely be making most of them soon, thanks again :D

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xDudettex
Review

Hey TmB317!

I liked this :) You held my attention throughout the piece and I liked how it was as if the narrator was talking directly to me, encouraging me to read on and find out what wonderful story Dingo was telling.

I do want to make a couple of points -

The soft, sweet voice echoed through the large stone hall.


Who's voice? I gather that it's not Dingo as you say that he is going to tell 'us' a story. Is it one of the children? If so, I'd add it in so it's clear to the reader who is talking. I do like the opening lines though :)

Dingo rocked in his chair for a moment, leaning his head back, closing his eyes.


I'd swap the comma after 'back' for 'and' so it reads -

'Dingo rocked in his chair for a moment, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.'

fill you in on something that the WHOLE town now got to experience.


Having 'whole' in all caps makes it a little distracting. Maybe try putting it into intalics instead if you want to emphasize that the whole town was there.

Rather, THAT disaster was unnoticed.


I'd do the same here wih 'that'

*

I really liked the way you told the story, but one of the things that almost annoyed me was the fact that you seemed to use exclamation marks throughout the piece. E.g -

How he loved them!


What a gift!


the experienced listeners feel free to ignore me and drift in your imagination to thoughts of the castle and adventure!


The sound echoed through the hallway, the very hall we sit in now, in fact!


Now, I'm not saying you should nix all of them, because some of them fit in the story. Others though, seem a bit out of place and disrupt the flow of the piece. I see exclamation marks as something to be used sparingly and if they're over used they can become a little patronising. I get that this story is being told to kids and we genuinely put more enthusiasm into telling a story when it is for children, but I'd still consider cutting down on them.

All in all, I liked this piece and I want to see you continue it. I'm intrigued to find out what Jake and Isabelle get up to :)

Thanks for the read!

xDudettex

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Amberla93
Comment

What? No... I want to read the rest of it! You shold post it as soon as possible, this was very interesting! Please, please post the rest of ot sono!!



People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.
— Albus Dumbledore