Britt's Perspective
"I HATE HER SO MUCH! WHY IS SHE HANGING OUT WITH BILL WHEN IT SHOULD BE ME BY HIS SIDE?! I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND! SHE'S BRAINWASHED HIM TO THINK ME AND HIM AREN'T TOGETHER!" I'm complaining to Grace because Bill and lexis just left the restaraunt. I'm getting into the car wiping off my makeup. "I put on all black for NOTHING!"
"Well, at least you blended in!"
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER ONE BIT!"
"Y-You're right. You're always right! Completly! Lexis is such a..."
"SHUT UP AND LET ME DRIVE!" I park in front of the park and run to the bench. I can't help myself and start balling. Why is Bill even looking at Lexis? She's not a good person to be around! Bill really deserves better. Better being me.
"Are you okay Miss?" I look behind me to find the source of the voice. A boy wearinga black t-shirt with skulls all over it,white pants with black stitches on them, and an un-zipped black hoodieis looking at me."Are you okay Miss?" he repeats.
"No." I turn back around and put my head in my hands. "This girl I hate stole my boyfriend and brainwashed him into thinking he wasn't my boyfriend." He sits down next to me. "Who are you anyway?"
"My name's Ryan. What is your name?"
"Britt."
"Who is this girl you hate?"
"Lexis. I hate her guts."
"Lexis? Oh god. She is so amazing."
"WHAT?!"
"We used to go out. But she broke up with me for some reason. I want her back so much."
"If you help me get my boyfriend back, I'll help you get her back."
"Really?" I nod my head. "Deal." We shake hands.
"This could be the start of a wonderful new alliance."
"Amen to that. Hold on." He takes a pocket-knife and slits his wrist. "That's better." He sqeezes his wrist and more blood comes from the cut.
"EEEEEEWWWWW! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT FOR?!"
"Oh, you're not emo?"
"Heck no! I'm only wearing all this black because I wanted to fit in at Happy Harry's."
"But I love Happy Harry's."
"Ugh. I'm not a dark person. I'm a beautiful bright, happy kind of person. A "prep" as you call us."
"I don't care. We're still on with the deal." He is sooo not on my friends list. No matter. I'm going to get Bill back, and Lexis will be out of my way.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Is all the caps necessary? Also, emo people don't just slit their wrists. They have reasons such as deppression, peer pressure, stuff like that. That guy did it for no reason at all... I'm sorry to say it, really, but I don't like this. The story is just... maybe it's not my style... You need work with the grammar at some parts, punctuation, and some re wording is needed. I hope you get this worked out.
~Ladypurple.
Ah, you got the emo thing all wrong. Emotional instability is very serious and it stems from things as depression, peer presure, bullying, stress at home, etc. That seems more like sadomachochism than emotional instability. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that things like this are very serious.
Other than that, the story so far was good. The only problems are the grammar, punctuation, some spelling mistakes, and the incorrect wording. If you get those sorted out, it will be a great story! Also, on a side note, don't use so many caps. It's kind of distracting.
I hope I didn't sound too mean.
*Stargirl101**