all is cold and bitter;
many carve it others hate it,
all of witch must feel its wrath;
but it isnt a curse ita a blessing for some,
all must come to its power;
For it is Death the one major flaw in life
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
yeah thanks you two,,, I know there are major errors in grammar but im just plain bad at Lang. arts and English and those types of thing but thanks for the reviews
Greetings, I'll be your reviewer. Now this poem did nothing for me, you ignore common practice of grammar and totally go for the jaded cliches littering many 'emo' type poems. And right away I'm less inclined to review. So lets get this over and done with. This is bland and unimaginative. It's all woe is me. And this isn't good, you push us out and go all me me me me. You completly ignore show don't tell and because of this poem comes across as a shallow attempt to force sympathy out of readers!
Now one good thing about it, and by far the best, is the last line. It seems genuinely creative and less like a cliche. My advice is focus on this image and try again, elaborate on it, remembering the common rule 'Show don't tell'. And remember grammar.
This is harsh, but it's how I improved, I sincerely hoped this helped and I'm sorry if this hurts. But with that last line, I say there potential there.
Hope this helped.
Hey, man!
I am your reviewer for today!
1. You should pay attention to punctuation. Even the simple stuff like, capitalizing, apostrophes, and periods/commas. Even if you use them incorrectly someone may help you with that. "Many carve it others hate it" there should be a comma after the first "it" or even a semi colon actually since there is not conjunction there. "isnt," should be, "isn't." "...witch," should be, "...which." "...ita," should be, "it's a."
2. Also, pay attention to the syllables in your phrases. Make sure they work. Poetry should have fluidity. Just play around with the wording a bit.
But other than that good luck and I look forward to reading more of your work soon. If you have any question or comments than PM me. I'm always here for you.
Much Love,
Chris